


Little Moments AU - Side Stories

by delmartian



Category: Ben 10 Series
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friendship/Love, Guitars, Hurt/Comfort, Karate, Kissing, Musical References, New Year's Kiss, Rock and Roll, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:42:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 84,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25173319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delmartian/pseuds/delmartian
Summary: An AU inspired by the Little Moments Universe. What might have been going on with Ben, Gwen and their families and friends between Little Moments during the year after they turn 12? Explore the confusing mess of the kids lives as they try to sort out their feelings after what happened on New Years. Bwen.
Relationships: Ben Tennyson & Gwen Tennyson, Ben Tennyson/Gwen Tennyson
Comments: 19
Kudos: 39
Collections: The_Bwen_Initiative





	1. Best Present

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Little Moments: Rebooted](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18693106) by [Ericobard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ericobard/pseuds/Ericobard), [shadows59](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadows59/pseuds/shadows59). 
  * Inspired by [Little Moment: They (Mostly) Come Out At Night](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20620031) by [Ericobard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ericobard/pseuds/Ericobard). 



> Disclaimer: I have no claim to Ben 10. Although my stories are based on elements from Shadows59 and Erico's Little Moments Universe, all I can claim from their work is inspiration.
> 
> Note 1: All my ideas are based on events in LM Reboot, with Breaking Point in mind. I don't have any affiliation with Shadows59 or Erico, and I don't have any advance knowledge of the overall story line beyond what they have written. Think of my stuff as an AU - that's the advice I got. If you got here without reading their stories first, go check them out here, otherwise none of what I write will make any sense.  
> Note 1a: I messed up when I first posted this, I should have included a link to Erico's stories as they are also an inspiration for what follows. Particularly "They (Mostly) Come Out at Night".
> 
> Note 2: Between Chapter 26 and 27, I thought there were some open story elements that the kids would need to deal with in some way, but were only implied by LM Classic and Breaking Point. While I was waiting for Chapter 27, I started noodling around with some ideas on how to fill in some details, and this is the result. I deliberately am trying to mirror Shadows59 writing style, so my ideas fit properly.
> 
> Note 3: This is my first attempt at non-technical writing in a very long time, I make no claim to be a fiction writer. I was just scratching an itch, and wonder what other people think.
> 
> All that said, here I go...

Convention Center

January 1, 2000

1:00 PM

"I still can't believe you got your Dad to drive us here on New Year's Day! If he's anything like the Colonel, he was planning to spend the day watching football, right?" Michelle was smiling as they walked away from the ticket window towards the exhibit area. She'd happily agreed to keep Gwen company for this trip, and they were both looking forward to some uninterrupted time to hang out.

"Yeah, if I hadn't found out the sports bar was inside the convention center, Dad would never have even considered taking me. That, and knowing I'd have a friend with me while he was watching the games. Thanks again for coming!" Gwen told her Bestie for the hundredth time.

"Like I've been saying, Crazy Girl, _someone_ has to keep you from going completely off the rails, and I'm the one to do it."

"You owe me, though!" Michelle laughed back.

Gwen was looking around for the Sumo Slammer exhibit as they walked into the main conference hall, the reason for coming to the convention to begin with. "There it is" she said. She patted her fleece jacket pocket again to make sure she had the card. Ben's prize gold Slammer card, his _precious_. The creators of the movie and game franchise were here, signing autographs, and she thought he would be _thrilled_ to see their signatures on it for his birthday!

Well, she _had_ thought that, up until midnight last night. It took less than a day to make her question everything she _thought_ she knew about her cousin, and what they meant to each other. Just one impulsive act by him. Because she pretty much pushed him into it. _He stole my first kiss!_ She still couldn't stop thinking about that - it did happen, after all. As much as she ignored him that morning, she couldn't change it. What did it _mean_ to him? He didn't say anything about it afterwards, and it wasn't like him to be so good at hiding his thoughts. At least _she_ thought so. She thought it was just part of her game, but he didn't act like that. Gwen flashed back to the couple of times she kissed his cheek or hugged him when she _wasn't_ trying to get him to blush - Christmas Eve, the night after she decked Sean and Flint, the day he met Michelle. Why did she do those? What did Ben think they meant, and was that why he had been so _twitchy_ lately?

Michelle saw the exhibit, and the ridiculous line in front of it and groaned, snapping her back. "I don't know what you were thinking, Crazy, that line must be 40 minutes long! You owe me double!"

"Do not! You wanted to come, remember? 'Of course I'll go with you, Gwen, how often do we get a day together on our own?'" Gwen sing-songed, trying to sound happier than she felt. She didn't really succeed. She saw Michelle give her a sideways look.

Michelle just grumbled "You _so_ do. And I'll collect!", as they got in the back of the line. "You're _sure_ this will be worth it?"

"I think so" Gwen replied, with some hesitation. Up until she woke up she was. Now, she didn't know, for the first time since... since the last week of June. She couldn't help a little shudder at the memory. Since July 3rd, though, she would have been sure, until... How could _last night_ erase everything since then?

She _was_ spending an uninterrupted day with Michelle. She knew _that_ was worth it. She should focus on that for the rest of the day. They hadn't been able to hang out since Christmas break started. She'd been looking forward to it for days, almost as much as spending New Year's Eve with Ben. She could feel _that_ thought make her stomach twist.

Once they got their place in line, they had the same thought. Gwen said "So how was Christmas?" at the same time Michelle asked "What did you do for Christmas?", and they both laughed. Michelle said "You first", and waited for her friend to answer.

"The usual, I went to church with my Mom and Dad early on Christmas Eve, and we had dinner. Mom wasn't feeling great, so we went to bed a little earlier than usual." Her Mom was actually grieving about Kenny, so was her Dad, and they focused on that. Gwen did, too, but it didn't affect her as hard as her parents, and she understood. No reason to bring _that_ up now. "But she was fine on Christmas morning, and we got up and opened presents, had brunch, and ... " she hesitated a little "... Ben's family and Grandpa came over for dinner around 2. We opened presents between families, and just hung out. It was OK, they didn't leave until maybe 9:30 that night." Why didn't she tell about how she laughed and had fun with her Doofus, playing his new Sumo Slammer game and watching cheesy Christmas movies? Or how this year was w _ay_ better than the train wreck last year. Except for when he tried to protect her from the argument. That was so _swee_ \- . She forced herself to stop that thought.

Michelle asked "So what's your favorite present?", and Gwen had to think a little about that. She _knew_ what it was, nothing else she got came close, really, but she wasn't sure if she should say. Not with how she was thinking now? Did it mean what she thought it did? Ben said it was a reminder of summer trips, but was there more to it for him? It was so confusing!

Maybe if she talked about it, it would help her sort it out? She decided to tell Michelle, maybe even the whole story. If she couldn't tell her best friend... Well, not about the watch and magic stuff. Or letting Ben rest his head on her lap. Not today.

The quickest answer was to show her, so Gwen reached for the chain hidden under her fleece collar and said "This!", as she pulled the charm out from under the pullover. Michelle took a sharp breath and squealed "That's so _pretty_! Let me see.", and she leaned closer and Gwen let her hold it. She couldn't stop a little smile while Michelle oohed and ahhed over it. Even the teenage girl in line behind them showed some approval.

"Who gave it to you, your parents, your Grandpa or the other grandparents?"

"None of them," Gwen said, with a shy smile, and wondered if she would guess. There really wasn't anyone else, though.

"Not Ben" Michelle muttered, then saw Gwen start to blush. "No _way_! Did he _really_?!" she gasped.

"Uh huh" was all Gwen could say, and felt her cheeks burn, but her smile got bigger despite herself.

"Look at you smiling like the Cheshire Cat! I wouldn't have guessed he'd think of something like that."

"Why not?"

"Doesn't seem like his style. That's a little, _personal_ , for a gift from a cousin." A pause. "Then again, you two aren't typical cousins."

"What does _that_ mean?" Gwen growled, feeling a little defensive. He was _still_ her Doofus. Wasn't he?

"Nothing bad!" Michelle rushed to say. "I've just never met cousins that were as close as you two are, is all." Gwen relaxed a bit and went back to a tight smile. "Come on, Crazy Girl, you can't show me that without telling me some details. Spill!"

"It's a charm I got on our first summer trip with Grandpa, but when I got it it was just a dull red, and it wasn't a necklace. I couldn't find it for a couple months, I thought it was lost. I thought maybe he was pranking me by taking it from my room last July, after we had to come home early, but I wasn't sure."

"Why'd you do that? I thought you both loved those trips?"

"That's a different story" Gwen said, and she couldn't keep some sadness out of her voice. She saw the questions in Michelle's eyes, but this wasn't the right time to explain, so she brightened up and kept going. "Doofus polished it, and got a gold chain to fit, and gave it to me before Christmas." Her smile wouldn't go away even if she tried. She thought that would be enough explanation, but Michelle thought otherwise.

"Yeah, that's the story you tell your parents. Tell me the rest..."

Gwen sighed. It _was_ a good story. It was her _best_ Christmas, why not say so? "All right. He gave it to me on Christmas Eve. We were having the _most fun_ snowball fight behind my back yard, we must have been running around the woods for half an hour! We stopped to rest at a clearing, and just watched the snow fall for a while." She paused, remembering the moment, how he... Nope, definitely not telling _that_ detail. Still, she enjoyed the memory of their quiet time, especially how Ben didn't act like his usual hyper self, even when she put her hand on his hair. That should have made him jump away. It just occurred to her to wonder why he acted so out of character. The only answer she could come up with was because she _asked_ him to. And he went with it. She finally noticed Michelle looking at her funny.

"Still with me Crazy?"

"Yeah, sorry. In the summer I made a comment about how he had his watch to remind him of our trip, and I wished I had something like it. I didn't think he even remembered that. And then he gave me this really badly wrapped box, only Ben could have made a mess like that!" She giggled at that, and saw Michelle's eyes get a little bigger, like she was surprised at the giggle, and went on "He even pranked me by putting the necklace box inside a Sumo Slammer game box." That made Michelle giggle. "I know! I couldn't believe it! When I opened it and saw what it was - that was a real surprise. You're kind of right, I never expected something like that from him. He put it on for me, and I've had it since."

Michelle grinned and said "Aw, how sweet!" and Gwen ducked her head.

"And _that's_ why he didn't want to give it to me with everyone watching!" as she started to put the Keystone back under her pullover, then decided to keep it out. And if Michelle asked why she looked away, that was all the answer she needed to say. Even if it wasn't the main reason.

"Hang on, you said you went to bed early on Christmas Eve. When..."

Oops! Slipped up on that bit. "Mom and Dad went to sleep early."

"And you _didn't_! You _snuck out_ with him, _didn't_ you, Crazy! The things you do because of that boy... I have to re-think my impression of him!"

Gwen's face fell a little. "You don't like Ben?"

"I didn't say that! I don't really know him outside of what you've told me. You have to admit, he was acting like a jackass when I met him."

"Michelle!" Gwen said with another giggle. She still wasn't used to the colorful language her friend liked to use. "You're right. But he was only teasing! You know that, right?"

Michelle shrugged. "I guess. Maybe if you told more about him. _Without_ making it sound like he's your much _younger_ cousin." Michelle finished with a smirk. "What do you like about him?"

Just like that, Gwen stopped short. That was what she was struggling with. Or was it? She could go on for a while describing what she liked about her Doo- Ben. But they led to how did she _feel_ about him? And she didn't _know_! She thought she did, but then it changed. And she didn't know _why_! Was it really just because he kissed her? Because she let him sleep in the same bed and they ended up cuddled together? Because she _liked_ doing both? Didn't she? And why was she telling Michelle about Christmas Eve anyway?! What was _wrong_ with her?!

"I... " and words wouldn't come. Michelle got a scared look and said in a low growl "What's wrong? Did he..." and Gwen cut her off.

"No, he didn't... I'm sorry, I can't talk about it. I shouldn't have said all that. I don't mean to be... Can we talk about something else? _Please_?!" Gwen said almost in a whisper. She felt tears welling in her eyes, and she didn't want to cry here.

They were almost at the booth, and she couldn't say why but she still wanted to get the card signed. If nothing else, her Dad would throw a fit if they came all this way today without the autographs. Michelle gave her the funny look again but said "OK Crazy Girl. I'll let it go for now."

Gwen brushed her eyes and gave her friend a grateful smile, then got the card out and handed it to the booth attendant. Once it was signed, she stashed it back in her pocket and looked back at Michelle. She grinned at Gwen and said "All right, that's done. Let's get something to drink and sit for a while. I've been standing too long, my dogs are killing me." as they walked away from the exhibit. The food court was close by, and Michelle said "Look, there's a Smoothie King! We always drive by that one at home, but I can't convince my Mom to stop in. Have you had one?"

Gwen replied "Yeah, a few" through a small smile as a dozen memories flashed through her mind. _Most_ of them were happy, a few were a little tense after he got pretty banged up from whatever bad guys they fought...

They got to the counter to order, and without doing more than glance at the menu board, Gwen told the teenage boy taking orders "Can I have a medium lavender and lemongrass, please?" She turned to Michelle with a smirk saying "I'll get yours, since I had to _drag_ you with me", but her friend had a look of mock horror on her face.

"Lavender and lemongrass?! For real?! You do _not_ really like that! How can you even gag that down?" she said, then broke out in giggles. Gwen just added a weak attempt at a frown to her smirk "Just order something!"

Michelle told the boy "A medium strawberry and banana." and giggled a little more.

They waited for their drinks, and found a table.

Before Michelle said anything, Gwen started "Your turn! Tell me about your Christmas."

Michelle smiled bigger and said "Well, ..."


	2. Snowball Aftermath

Ben's House

January 14, 2000

6:30 PM

Ben's Mom picked them up after karate, and after saying hello the rest of the drive home was mostly quiet, just some routine questions and answers about how she and her parents were doing. Dinner was also a little awkward, thankfully no one said anything about the party. His parents asked about karate and school, and Gwen would normally keep up her end of the conversation. But tonight she was polite and answered back, but didn't do much to keep any topic going. And Ben wasn't his usual talkative, obnoxious self. He wasn't that way at karate, either, she suddenly realized. If her aunt and uncle sensed the tension, they didn't show it. It was a relief when they finished, at least she got through _that_. But that just led to the next awkward situation - being alone with Ben for the evening. With the way she was feeling, not physically sick but still not feeling _right_ , how was she going to deal with it? Depends a lot on how he did, she thought. His track record on that didn't fill her with confidence. Not that hers was much better. She wanted to be there, she meant it when she agreed to come, but she wasn't sure how to act, either. She hadn't felt uncomfortable being at his house for two and a half years now, and she didn't like it.

They helped clean up after dinner - his parents rules applied to her as much as him - and went up to his room like usual. Well, almost like usual. Instead of jumping on his bed to start playing a game or watch a movie, Gwen hesitated before sitting down at the edge. On the opposite side from where... She took a look around, and focused on his guitar by the desk. And grinned at it.

"You fixed the string!", she said, happy and a little surprised.

"Yeah, I had time to pick it up last week." Ben said. It made her wince a little, but he didn't seem to notice. The way he said it, he didn't mean it to be a dig. "I started learning a few new songs."

"Can I hear?", and she finally looked at him directly. He looked back, but hesitated and got a slightly panicked look. He had told her he only played for his parents a couple times before he did for her last October, so she knew he wasn't used to performing. For all his strutting after heroing and being able to talk to any stranger, he was acting awfully shy about this. She couldn't see why, he was pretty good at it. She thought he was about to make an excuse, so she cut off whatever he was going to say, and continued "I meant what I said when I gave you the strings, Ben. I really do want to hear you play some more." That memory made her smile.

He smiled back a little and said "OK, but I can't play as loud as the last time. Mom and Dad don't always _appreciate_ my music. I usually use my headphones when they're home, but I only have one set." He set up the amplifier and sat in the desk chair as he plugged everything in. "Got any requests?" he said with a smirk.

"Play the first song you did that night." His smirk turned into another smile. That also made her happy.

Detroit Rock City. _His_ song, he told her it was the first one he learned to play. It became _their_ song to her that night, when his music got her to forget the trauma from the museum fight and got her to dance, to have _fun_. She knew he couldn't stop watching her that night. The way he smiled while she danced - it lit up his room then. He had a smile now, but it wasn't the same as then. She saw it, gave a little smile back, but she missed the one from that night.

He ran his fingers over the strings, and started. He stumbled a bit at first, but looked down at his guitar and quickly got the rhythm, and his confidence grew as he played. She didn't hear any mistakes, but something was missing. It wasn't like _that_ night. It sounded like he was playing it right, but wasn't really into it. Maybe he was worried about being loud, maybe this wasn't one of the songs his parents appreciated - she had to admit, it was pretty rambunctious and noisy. She liked the way he put it, too! - maybe he was still a little embarrassed, but it wasn't quite _him_.

Ben finished the song, and started another one from that night. Same thing, he played it OK, but it didn't feel the same either. She started to wonder, was that night a one time thing, where she was only feeling the relief of the guilt he helped her get over? Did she only feel good with him after some crisis? Gwen shook her head slightly to make that idea go away, she knew it wasn't true. All she had to do was think about Christmas Eve to prove it. So why did it even pop into her head?

Gwen was going to tell him to stop after the second song, but before she could say it he started again. This time she didn't recognize it at first, but after several bars she caught what it was - _Follow You Down._ She loved this song when it played on the radio, she told him so when they heard it once, especially since it was from _their_ decade and not an oldie like their parents listened to. She could see how it would be fun to play. There was a great guitar solo in the middle, and the melody was interesting and up beat. Ben must have thought so, too, because what was missing in the first two songs was coming out now as he did an amazing job mixing the vocal line with the driving lead guitar. Watching him play was _so_ much better than listening to the radio! She didn't need to be a musician to know it was tricky to play, he was concentrating so hard as he alternated between looking at his fingers on the guitar's neck and the ones picking the strings over the pickups. Even so, she could tell he was enjoying it. He had _that_ smile back when he looked up at her a few times, and he played the way musicians meant when they said 'play with feeling'. That feeling was infectious! Whether it was because of the music itself or watching him play, she couldn't say. It didn't matter. She got the same grin he had and couldn't help swaying and moving her arms with the music as she sat there. He looked up and saw her, and the Doofus' smile got bigger. And that made her happier. Maybe she shouldn't question what she felt about him after all?

He wrapped it up with a flourish, and stopped to catch his breath. Gwen couldn't help herself and laughed and clapped a couple times, and his cheeks started to get red. "I just got that one down a couple days ago." he told her, grinning despite the flush. "It always gets me pumped!"

"I can tell!" Gwen said with another laugh. She had been trying to hear the lyrics in her mind as he played and got most of them. Was there a message there, or was it just the music that got him going? That didn't matter, either. They were more like that night! She wanted to hear more now.

"Do another new one!"

His grin froze and faded, and he hesitated again as he thought that over. "Umm, ... I... it's kind of personal, I don't think you-" Ben was stammering, as if he was at war with himself over telling her something. Like it was some embarrassing thing? So not like him, he usually just blurted out whatever popped into his head, even the personal stuff.

"Come on? I promise I won't won't make a big deal if you don't get it perfect!"

He made a decision with a shrug and got kind of a distant look, and said cautiously "OK. There's only one more. I'm still working on it, so it'll be a little rough."

He nodded to himself and started. The guitar intro started off sounding sad, and Gwen took a few seconds to link the melody he was playing to lyrics for the song. It was a few years old, but it still got radio air time once in a while ...

_Don't let yourself go_

_'Cause everybody cries_

_And everybody hurts ... sometimes_

She finally got it - the R.E.M. song - and sucked in a sharp breath.

He seemed to know it better than he let on. He didn't need to concentrate on it like the first songs, so Ben closed his eyes as he played. She watched and listened and slowly understood - what he couldn't say, he was playing.

And the way he played, his music and the lyrics in her head created a picture of his confusion, loneliness and hurt. It hurt to hear, but she didn't want him to stop, either. It may have been personal to him, but the music brought out feelings she had been holding back, too. He was gathering all the hurt he felt since New Year's Day into his fingers, almost like she did with mana, and released it through the strings. She closed her eyes too, and let the music wash over her. He got to the end and played softer, making the volume dissipate until he let the last chord fade away to the whisper hum of the amp.

He'd let Gwen see how _broken_ he felt. She knew he didn't plan to, showing emotion was so not him, which made it even more raw. What had she done to him?

Gwen opened her eyes to see him looking intensely at her. His eyes glistened, and were full of pain and guilt. She wondered if he saw that she felt it, too. If she had asked him to tell her what he was feeling since New Year's, he never could have put it into words, but his music said it.

She'd only seen him cry _once_ since before they were in kindergarten, in Kenny's bedroom with her last summer, but he was on the ragged edge of it now, and it shook her. He sat there for a few seconds, stunned by his emotions, before he turned beet red and turned away. She caught a flash of light reflected below his eye, before he brushed the tear off his cheek.

Neither one said anything for a while. She wanted to rush over and hug him, and feel him hug her back, and take away each other's hurt and know everything will be OK. She was afraid of how he'd react, though, so she held back, and it made her miserable. Why was that? They'd done it before without a second thought - the time when he was Wildvine at the old Plumber base flashed through her thoughts. Isn't that what friends were _supposed_ to do? She'd done it with Michelle, why was that OK but doing it for her cousin wasn't? Just because he was a boy?

The Poodle's words from the summer hit her like an avalanche then. _I'm going to leave. And it's all because of you. Because you aren't brave enough._ She let them affect her badly then, and thought she was being brave by hurting Ben on purpose. It was the start of their mean prank escalations before they had to cut their road trip short. If it hadn't been for that, would he have left her by now?

That thought, and knowing what a _jerk_ Ben 10,000 had become, scared her beyond both New Year's situations.

Kissing Ben, regardless of how or who started it, was one. Sleeping in his bed cuddled together was another. _Both_ happening in one night, and realizing she _liked_ both, even if only the one time, and not knowing what Ben felt, had been so overwhelming she had ignored him for a full week so she could try to get a grip on her feelings. So far that hadn't worked out. She _hated_ every day of it. It drove _him_ so crazy he ended up throwing the slush ball at her, where Michelle and everyone else there saw it and their confrontation afterwards. It couldn't have been more embarrassing if he tried, and she was _furious_! At first.

If he hadn't taken the chance then and asked her to come over tonight, that day might have been the last time they saw each other for a long time. If he hadn't, or if she didn't, would that have made him leave? The idea was so awful to her that she had to do something to try and make them right again. She still wasn't able to figure out the kiss and cuddling, but she couldn't live with not seeing him.

Gwen did what she first wanted to do, and jumped to the desk. He had let the guitar slip out of his hands and fall to the floor, and buried his face in them with his elbows on his knees. She knelt down next to the chair, and whispered "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...", then her voice broke and she wrapped her arms tight around him, and pressed her head against his. She felt him tense up, then he nodded and put his arms around her, and they sagged into each other. They didn't cry, but there were a few sniffles while the hug lasted for a while. They didn't need to say anything, just knowing they didn't hate each other was enough.

Ben picked up his head first and said in a rough voice "I don't think I can play any more right now. ... We should start the movie if we want to finish it before your Mom comes."

Gwen nodded, and brushed at her eyes while she stood up and got the movie out of her stuff. She had remembered it was her turn to pick. "What lame thing did you bring?" he asked with a shaky voice and a weak grin.

"I think you'll like it" she said with a small grin back, trying to be upbeat. He was sitting on the floor against his bed. "It's the Sumo Slammer movie from last summer", and the grin got a bit bigger as she remembered how much he liked it, and holding his hand when they saw it in the theater. Then she cringed at the rest of that memory, and looked down at the ground and waited for the explosion. He only gave a short laugh.

"Don't worry, you only zapped one of my boxers. I had plenty." He almost pulled off the smirk.

Then it was her turn to feel her face burn, but she walked over and sat next to him. He looked at her a little funny, and she felt the necklace chain catch on her collar and bunch it up and realized he saw it. She un-snagged it and put it back under the collar, but didn't think anything more about it.

He did, though. "How did you get your charm back on? You didn't have it during karate. I figured you'd left it at home."

She didn't understand that, _of course_ she put it back on afterwards.

"I put your necklace back on when we cleaned up for dinner. Before karate started back up I hadn't taken it off. It's my favorite Christmas present." That didn't change after...

"I thought you knew that." She felt a little sad that he doubted it.

He looked in her eyes and she could almost see him thinking before he said in a quiet voice "What's going on?"

"What do you mean?" She wasn't really ready to talk about it...

Ben ducked his head, and rubbed the back of it with his left hand. "I... I'm sorry about the snowball. I needed to get your attention, but that was the wrong way to do it." He looked miserable.

"Yeah, it was."

He nodded. "Now that I have it, ... will you tell me what I did wrong? Besides the snowball. You tell me the necklace is your favorite present. You came here after pretending I didn't exist for a week. You just heard me unload, and didn't tease me about what I said or how I did, like you could have."

He hesitated, and then kept going "I don't know what's happening, and I don't know how to fix it. Tell me?" he pleaded.

Gwen looked down. "You said you wanted your Dweeb back. I want that too." she said softly.

She paused, then "I'm sorry I ignored you. I was... you know wh-..." She was staring at her feet.

"I don..." he started, and she quickly cut him off.

"I can't explain yet, I ... I'm not mad. ... Give me some time? _Please?_ " She felt more miserable than he looked.

"I... You... " he stammered.

"OK... " His shoulders slumped. "Do you want to go home?"

" _No_. I want to watch the movie. With _you_." They both looked up at each other with a little smile.

She stood up and said "But the floor is _really_ not comfortable."

She arranged a couple pillows like usual on his bed and sat down into one. Ben got up and settled into the other, next to her but leaving some space, and started the movie. They did a few of their usual snarky comments about a character or two and the story, and then just watched. About twenty minutes in Gwen moved closer to him. He edged back until his shoulder bumped against hers, and she leaned against him. They stayed that way for the rest of the movie, and she realized with a barely noticeable sigh that she felt ok being there after all. She wanted to take his hand, too, but she was afraid of making things worse.

Gwen's Mom came for her at 10 and she gave Ben a smile goodbye like usual when they went to the car. Other than saying yes when her Mom asked if she had a good time, Gwen was quiet on the ride home, but she couldn't stop how her mind was racing. Thinking about what he said outside the ice rink, and about tonight. Were they only playing a game? Is _that_ all the last two years amounted to, like he said? That didn't feel right, especially after tonight, as hard as some of it was. Why didn't she believe him? If that's all it was, why wasn't he teasing her mercilessly? Or even ask her to come over? Was it wrong to feel like she did about him? If he didn't believe what he said, what should she do about it? Why was she so messed up about New Year's? Was what he did, what they did, so bad?

What _did_ she want?

Why is this so _hard_?

They got home and she said goodnight to her parents and went upstairs to her room. She sighed, and wondered again if going to his house was the right thing to do. She got the Keystone out and held it, and decided it was. She liked listening to her Doofus play his guitar, the first new song was a blast! The second one had been a revelation that was as needed as it was painful, but she really didn't want to repeat it any time soon. Still, neither of them spent another Friday night missing each other, when they were so used to being together. It wasn't one of their best movie nights, but it was way better than the last week had been.

Gwen glanced at her desk and saw her phone's message light was blinking. She didn't know what to expect as she opened it up.

- **Want to do it again next Friday?**

It arrived about five minutes earlier, he sent it while she was on the way home. She didn't have to think about her answer.

- **Yes**

I miss you, too, Gwen thought.

- **Good, we never got to play my new game. Be ready, I'm gonna kick your butt!**

- **You are such a Doofus!**

- **Dweeb!**

"It's a date, Doofus" she whispered to herself and smiled.


	3. Fallout From the Boy - Rewrite

Michelle Hallam's Bedroom

January 17, 2000

11:00 AM

Gwen knew Michelle never had a problem asking probing questions about someone else's life, unless and until they told her not to. When you bounce around between US Army bases every few years, you have to be pretty forward to find out what's interesting with new friends and acquaintances. Waiting for info to come out just wastes time, and could take years. That was how she explained it to Gwen.

Gwen had never said her life was off limits, more specifically not about her life and how it tangled up with her cousin's. So on a rare day off from school when she didn't hang out with said cousin, she knew Michelle was going to be very forward with questions. Especially after the birthday party. She had no clue how she would answer, though.

"So how did karate go last week?" she asked Gwen, trying to sound casual when they walked into her room.

Gwen knew that tone, and was properly guarded with her reply. "They were OK for the first ones in almost four weeks. Everyone was a little off speed at first. Sensei wasn't thrilled, but he didn't chew us out hard, either."

"But that's not what you're really asking about, are you?"

"No, but I'm just warming up. Fine. How was it with your _cousin_ there?" She spat out the word like it tasted bad. Gwen couldn't help wonder if that's what she really thought.

"Gee, 'Chelle, could you put a little more poison on that? You don't talk about _Sean and Flint_ that nasty." Gwen said it with a short laugh, but she didn't like anyone talking like that about Ben. Even now. Michelle knew it, but she seemed on a mission to go somewhere with this, from the look on her face.

"That's because those two are _already_ in juvie. Look, you know what I'm talking about, don't change the subject. Are you OK?" The look on her face shifted from moderate distaste to concern. "You've been pretty much out of it this week."

Gwen sighed. "Ben and I got along fine at karate. In fact, I went to his house to hang out after the Friday class."

"What!? Why would you do _that_ , Crazy Girl? Needed to get another snowball in your hair? After the way he treated you, you should have kicked his butt!"

"Why would you say that?! You've only been around Ben twice now and you want me to wail on him! I told you we had a really fun snowball fight on Christmas Eve. I think maybe he was trying to remind me of that, in his numbskull way." The last bit was almost thinking out loud, but Gwen followed up with a smirk. "Besides, who says I didn't? Kick his butt."

"There's my ninja warrior! Come on, out with it!" Michelle crowed.

"I'll admit, Wednesday could have been better. We were both a little skittish - don't roll your eyes at me! - and Sensei got mad because we were pulling punches with each other. That can be dangerous so we had to apologize for it. On Friday, Ben was still being cautious, and I put him on the mat. Twice. He got over it after that." Gwen grinned a little. She didn't want to hurt him, but he had to learn, too. Sensei expected his rules to be followed.

Michelle smiled at that. "Way to go!" she said, with a little too much force.

Gwen's face fell at Michelle's overly enthusiastic response. "Do you really not like him?"

Michelle lost her smile like _that_. "It's not that I _don't_ like him. Like you said, I've only met him once, really. But between that and your birthday I have to say, yeah, he could treat you better. What made him do that anyway? You seemed happy together when we got out for Christmas break. There were good reasons why I thought he was your _boyfriend_ at first! It's not like you give away full body hugs to just anyone! Then you two have this amazing time at Christmas, and you blew me off for New Year's so you could spend it with him. Don't look at me like that, you _so did_!"

Gwen tried to get in "I didn't blow..." but got cut off.

"So what happened between New Year's and your birthday? Did he try to _kiss_ you or something?" She said the last sentence with a laugh.

It was supposed to be a joke, Gwen knew that, but she looked away as she felt her face turn beet red! Michelle gasped "He _tried_?!" If anything Gwen felt her cheeks burn hotter, something she would have thought impossible, and Michelle blurted out "Did he?"

Michelle's look was the last straw.

Gwen had been stressed by so many things in just a week. School starting up with the whispers and strange looks in the halls, their birthday where every girl in her class saw his stunt and the aftermath, five days of ignoring him, five days of dodging questions from her parents about why she was, hearing that Grandpa wouldn't be home for New Years and then their birthdays for the first time _ever_. Six days of not talking to or spending any time with him. A morning doing her best to avoid even _looking_ at him in his own house.

After waking up in the same bed with him, cuddled close together with her head against his chest. The morning after the night he kissed her.

The whole time struggling to make sense of that kiss! What did it _mean_ to him? What did it mean to _her_? After a week of agonizing over it, she _still_ hadn't sorted it out. No subject at school ever took this long to understand.

Seeing him at karate and getting reprimanded by Sensei for not paying attention in class because she couldn't stop paying attention to _him_ , but doing her best to keep him from noticing.

Missing him so much every day that she _ached_. All the time. She wanted to make it stop, but she couldn't figure out how.

Finally going to his house again, not knowing what to expect and hating that feeling. Getting an overwhelming dose of unexpected raw emotion, his and hers, when all she wanted was to go back to the happy time he played his guitar for her a few months ago. It wasn't like the night was all stress, they had a good time, too, but that just added to the roller coaster her life felt like.

Her emotions felt brittle and ragged all week, but she was keeping them together, under control. Except for the times she woke up in a sweat at night alone, missing him even more because her Doofus _wasn't there_ , or the times the nightmares came back. Then crying into her pillow so no one could hear and ask questions she didn't know how to answer.

And then her best friend made a silly joke that turned out to be right.

The pain, the unfairness of it all hit her with such force that it crushed her, making her fall to the floor next to the bed, hug her knees to her chest, and cry.

Michelle's reaction was quick and protective, she rushed to Gwen's side and swallowed her up in a tight hug, her voice soft "Ssshh, you're OK, it'll be all right." She let Gwen cry it out, and when the sobs started to slow down she asked fiercely "Did he hurt you?"

Gwen pushed away and almost shouted "Michelle! No! My Doofus would never! How can you even think that?!"

"I'm sorry Crazy Girl, but the way you're acting..." She apologized as she pulled Gwen back into the hug, and let her cry some more.

Gwen sniffled and pulled away again, and Michelle was ready with a box of tissues from her night stand.

"I can't imagine what started that, Crazy, but it's obviously something you can't keep bottled up. You haven't been _right_ since we went to the convention. Come on, you can tell me. Spill."

She had the urge to tell Michelle everything about her and Ben's lives, as much as she could anyway, like she had wanted to for months. Keeping it all inside was killing her, and she _needed_ to tell someone. If she couldn't trust her best friend, what was left? Michelle was looking at her with a worried expression. For a second, she looked up and almost did.

Finally, though, she knew she couldn't, and she let her face drop back down to her knees. If she started, tried to only talk about the kiss and the last week, she wouldn't be able to stop without _all_ of the last two years coming out. And _that_ train wreck would be a catastrophe for Grandpa, their families, even Michelle. And especially for her and her Doofus, she just _knew_ they'd be kept apart for real. And that pain would be unbearable.

So she took a couple tissues from the box Michelle was holding, and sniffled and wiped her cheeks, and put on the fake smile she learned from her mother she _knew_ both Ben and Michelle hated. "Sorry for being over dramatic, 'Chelle. I'm not sure what started that either. I guess a combination of not getting enough sleep lately, and being pissed off at Ben still." She smiled weakly, looking away. That wasn't entirely a lie, but she knew it was a lame excuse. It was all she had.

Michelle knew it, too, and Gwen saw a flash of hurt mix with the worry in her eyes, but she just said "If you say so, Crazy Girl. Maybe when you get a better handle on it you can tell me. You know you can, any time, right?"

Gwen just gave her a glomp hug and said softly "I know. Thanks."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note:
> 
> This chapter was way longer when I first jotted it down, Gwen took advantage of the opportunity to unload a bit. So much so that she may have said a bit too much, and Michelle was properly scandalized. Chapter 30 made it OBE, so I adapted to stay in sync. I'm thinking I may post the first attempt, though, I kind of liked it.


	4. Guy Stuff

Rising Phoenix Dojo

January 28, 2000

3:15 PM  
  


Ben’s Mom picked him up after school and took him directly to the dojo. “I need to get some things for dinner, so I’m going to drop you off a little early. Your gi is on the back seat.“ He looked over his shoulder and saw his gym bag. “Yeah, OK Mom.” Wasn’t the first time.

“You’re sure? Do you have something to do until class starts?”

“Yeah, I have stuff from school I can read.”

She looked at him directly and joked “Are you feeling sick? Since when do you volunteer to open a book?” She knew he did his homework, most of the time anyway, but school wasn’t his number one thing. Still, he was doing better, with a big assist from Gwen’s tutoring. At least they could still do that, along with Friday movie nights.

“Funny, funny, ha, ha. I have a history test coming up, and I thought I’d be ready for it for a change.” His Mom grinned and turned into the parking lot and pulled up to the curb outside the dojo’s entrance.

He unbuckled his seatbelt and grabbed his backpack, and was about to open the door when she leaned over and kissed the top of his head and said with a smile “Have fun, and try not to bring home any gruesome bruises.”

Ben gave the obligatory “Mom, please!” drawn out whine, got out of the minivan and opened the back door to get his gym bag. He gave her a smile before closing the door and turned to walk into the dojo.

Paul was just walking through the door, so Ben thought he might have someone to hang out with if the history book got too boring. Gwen didn’t get out of school until 3:30, so she wouldn’t get there until a little after 4, and they wouldn’t have time to do more than say hello before their class started.

He walked in and saw there were only a few other kids there, not unusual since the little kids class ended at 3. He was heading to the locker room to get changed, but Paul saw him and waited just outside the door.

The bigger boy grinned at him. “Hey Short Stuff! How’s the throwing arm?”

Ben ducked his head a little at the nickname, but he could tell there wasn’t any malice to it and grinned back. He didn’t know Paul very well, but he was pretty cool during classes, and Ben kind of liked the attention from the older and higher ranked classmate. Paul went to their birthday party, and mostly hung out with him and the few other guys there, so Ben had a chance to see what he was like outside class. He was the only one who talked to him for the first 20 minutes after he followed Gwen back into the rink, and didn’t say anything about the snowball. Ben really appreciated that. Although he did have an amused look when Ben came back in after the herd of girls surrounding Gwen. He was the only one.

“I’m glad you’re here early. Can I talk to you for a second?” Paul asked.

Ben didn’t expect this, so he replied a little warily “OK, what’s up?”

Paul walked until they were maybe ten feet past the boy’s locker room. He turned and put his stuff down, and looked at Ben and started laughing in a good natured way. “Dude! What are you scowling like that for? I’m not gonna bite your head off! Relax.”

Ben didn’t realize he had been, and replaced it with a small grin. “Sorry. Lot on my mind.” He dropped his backpack and gym bag.

Paul just raised an eyebrow at him and said almost to himself “I’ll bet”. Before Ben could say “What does that mean?”, Paul cut him off with “Listen, you know how Sensei has some of the higher belts help during class?”

Ben nodded. Paul had been doing that since classes started back up, and Sensei told the class to treat Paul’s instruction as if it came from him. “Well, he wants Gwen to start doing it too. We’re both going to be testing for blue later this year, and part of it is how well we can help teach the lower belts. Like he says, you can’t really do it if you can’t teach it. It’s a big deal for her, and I thought you should know about it.” He thought for a second and added “You’re going to have to do it eventually, too, so you should know what Sensei expects.”

Ben nodded again while Paul was talking, and had a knowing grin before he stopped. “My Dwe- , er, Gwen will be great at that! She’s a good teacher. “

Paul raised his eyebrow again at Ben’s almost slip up, but didn’t say anything about it. Instead he said “Yeah, we know.”

Ben got a puzzled look, and Paul continued “We saw her do it with you. Don’t look surprised.” Ben was just about to call him on that, but Paul cut him off.

“You’re the best in your belt, Sensei says so, and you’re really into it. But you didn’t move up as fast as you did without outside work and help, and I know she was doing it. If she can get a stubborn mule like you to focus and do the work, she can do it for the rest of the class.” He smirked at the stricken look Ben got.

“I’m not stubborn!”

“Dude! You are too! It took you two classes last week to stop pulling punches with her, she got it in one!”

Ben frowned “I wasn’t pulling” he got out before Paul interrupted again. “Oh please! You were. You both were. I’m glad you both got over it so quickly before someone got hurt. I will say, though, you did a lot faster than others I’ve seen.” He paused, then said in a lower voice “If she means something to you, you’ll at least make sure whatever got to you stays out of here.” Paul made a show of looking around at the room and back to Ben.

Ben frowned. “Others?” Means something to him? He felt more confusion.What was the guy talking about?

“You know, other couples.” Paul said, matter-of-factly. “It’s usually when one of two things happens: one hurts the other, or they have a fight. Which was it?”

Ben felt his cheeks flush “We’re not a couple!” he growled.

Paul shrugged “Ok, boyfriend-girlfriend, whatever you want to call it.”

Ben almost shouted “We’re not that, either!”

“All right, calm down! Maybe not now, but you’re headed there.” The second sentence was mostly a mumble, not really meant for Ben to hear. Paul saw Ben unclench his fists and said “So touchy. Look, you can keep telling yourself that, but I’m not buying it. You didn’t whip that slushball at her head because you hated her. Don’t deny it!” He laughed again to get Ben to loosen up. It worked. “So why did you? If you don’t mind my asking.”

Ben knew he wasn’t being mean. None of his friends at the rink asked him about it. They actually avoided him for a while, now that he thought about it. Right then Ben wondered if telling Paul wasn’t such a bad idea.

“I needed to get her attention.” he grumbled.

Paul had a good laugh at that. “Well, you did that! You should have seen her face when she lit out after you! I’ve never seen her that mad! A word of advice? Next time you need to get someone’s attention, try being a little less obvious! So what’s behind your lovers spat?”Ben was about to explode when Paul stopped him with a grin. “Too easy! ... It’s just an expression, don’t get your panties in a twist.”

Ben glowered but didn’t say anything, and Paul looked at him funny. “All right, I’m gonna tell you this ‘cause it looks like you need to hear it. You may think you’re just friends, but the rest of us see it different. I knew your first day. We never pay much attention to firsties, most of them don’t last more than a month or two so it isn’t worth the time. When Gwen introduced you around I could tell she was excited that you were there. That never happens, especially from Feet of Fury! And no, that’s not a dig at her. And then when she ran out crying after those bitches “ he pretty much spat out that word with a scowl. That made Ben smile a little. “... got on her case, and you chased after her? You guys were gone for a good while, and when you got back she looked a little rough around the edges but you two were chumming it up. Ever since then it’s been obvious you two had something going on. The way you help each other up, use your pet names when you think Sensei isn’t paying attention - yeah, we see that, you two aren’t as clever as you think -, the way you encourage each other. I know, you both do that for everyone else, too, but it’s not the same. Hell, just the way you look at each other sometimes.”

The older boy paused like he was thinking, then asked “Seriously, what went wrong?” with genuine concern. 

“We didn’t hurt each other, if that’s what you’re asking.“ Practice sessions with Gwen in the park or back yard came with their own bumps and bruises, especially when he was trying to get a new move down, but they hadn’t done that since Christmas break started.

“Hmmn, hurt isn’t always physical, though, is it? You don’t need to tell me the details, ‘cause it seems you two are working it out?”

Paul stopped talking, but he kept looking at Ben, like he was waiting for an answer. Ben wasn’t sure how to. No one had talked to him like this before, it was a new one on him. His usual way to reply to uncomfortable situations was to make some kind of joke, but he had nothing right now. He knew he was scowling as the hurt from the last week bubbled back up, but what could he say?

Paul saw the storm that was in his head, but didn’t press it. He shrugged instead and said “I hope so. I don’t normally say stuff like this, but you two make a good match.”

“I thought so too, but she just stopped talking to me.” Ben surprised himself, more than Paul from the looks of it, when he blurted that out. But he didn’t stop. “She ignored me for a week, and it drove me nuts, so...” he didn’t know what else to say, but at least someone heard his side of the story. A little. That was better than eating it for the last week had been.

“So a slushball to her head stopped that, huh? After you got her attention,” Paul smirked a little at him, “when you two were outside, did you get any answers?”

“No, not really.” In fact he got more confused. “But at least she was talking to me again. After she stopped yelling. And she said she’d hang out after class today.” Ben said with a small smile, and looked away. More weirdness, what the hell was he thinking telling this to someone he hardly knew? It wouldn’t surprise him to hear Paul give him all kinds of grief spitting that out.

Except he didn’t. He just looked thoughtful and then said “Well, that’s something, huh? I hope you can sort out whatever started this. Another word of advice? Don’t force it, at least not today. You know better than I do, Gwen doesn’t like being pushed.”

Paul glanced at the clock on the far wall, and let out a surprised “Shit! Look what time it is!” Ben looked around and saw the mat was filling up with the others in the class.

“We can talk again another time if you want. Right now we need to get ready for class.” Ben got out “Yeah, OK” before Paul was at the locker room door, and followed him in.

They got changed and were walking out of the locker room, Ben in front, when Gwen came in. Paul did a stage whisper for her to see across the mat area, not loud enough for her to hear though “Looks like you’re Dweeb is here” and laughed. Ben looked back at him with a murderous glare, at which Paul flinched and quickly said “Can’t use that word, huh? Sorry, won’t happen again”, and gave Ben an apologetic grin and laughed a little more. Despite himself, Ben couldn’t help laughing too. He looked back at Gwen as his laugh faded out, and was replaced by a smile. As they got closer she got a shy smile of her own and looked at them a little funny and asked hesitantly “What have you two been talking about?”, and then focused on Ben.

Paul said “Just guy stuff” and smiled back at her as they walked past each other.

She caught Ben’s eye and gave up a big smile and said “Good!”, and walked into the girls locker. “See you in a minute!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note 1: I’ve been figuring out how Fan Fiction and AO3 platforms work, so while I worked on some formatting glitches I found out I can show more than one inspiration, and obviously Erico deserves the recognition. Thanks for being the path finder. 
> 
> Note 2: Ben needs more than a Sumo fix from his buddies, and Jamie just isn’t up to it!
> 
> I know I’m taking liberties with Paul, Shadows’ OC, and I certainly don’t want to hijack him. But the possibilities for him to be a different kind of friend to Ben than Jamie, or any other classmates for that matter, just popped into my head and this is the result. I imagine Paul being a high school sophomore, which gives him a different perspective than middle schoolers. So with apologies if I overshot the runway on this...


	5. Tragic Comedy Gold

Bellwood Mall

March 3, 2000

2:15 PM

March is one of the few months with no holidays, and the weather in Northern California is uniformly awful, which makes the month even harder to get through. Even school staff get the blahs, which explains why there’s often a random day off dedicated to “staff development“ or some such. Still, school days off come rarely enough, so when they do affected kids really look forward to them. Even the ones who otherwise like being in class most other days. Gwen was one of the kids who liked school, but even she noted the Friday “Teacher Development Day” on the school calendar back in September, and put it prominently on her personal calendar, a useful holdover from the time a year or so ago when she kept elaborately color-coded schedules. She had even pointed out all the teacher days to the new girl at her school as part of showing her around on the first day. Gwen couldn’t have known at the time how much she would be looking forward to spending the day with that girl.

That girl and Gwen turned out to have enough in common that they kept hanging out after that first day, which led to Gwen and her now best friend being at the mall, browsing through the Spencer’s shop. She smiled to herself as she looked at Michelle walking the aisle, picking up whatever scandalous thing caught her eye, then showing it to Gwen as provocatively as she could, just to get her flustered. Six months ago she would never have stepped foot in this store, now she was doing her best to see Michelle blush from some risqué thing, too. All part of the game. One Michelle was way better at, as it turned out. Gwen felt her cheeks go hot almost as soon as they walked in the store, and pretty much stayed that way.

Michelle’s mom had dropped them off that morning, and they spent it wandering from store to store, trying on clothes, looking at shoes and accessories, even taking a side trip into a computer store to scratch Gwen’s nerd itches, and generally acting goofy and laughing and having a great time. It was just the distraction Gwen needed, to be with her friend and not obsess about her cousin. That situation seemed to be getting better, anyway, and as Michelle - and her Doofus - had pointed out many times, she tended to over think things. So when Michelle had mentioned last week that she was a little surprised Gwen wasn’t doing something with Ben today, she only had to say his school didn’t have the day off, and she’d see him enough at karate in the afternoon, and that was that.

They had gotten lunch at the food court, and were just getting back to their shopping routine, trying to out-crude each other. Michelle had just shown her another outrageously indecent T-shirt that would have gotten both of them in trouble if their mothers even thought they knew about the subject, and they were both laughing hard over how much Gwen had blushed. “Michelle! How do you even know about things like that!” Gwen could hardly speak through the laughter, when her phone rang.

She was still cracking up when she looked at it, saw it was her mother calling, and answered as her happy noise was fading. “Hi Mom” was all she got out before Michelle held up yet another scandalous T-shirt, and Gwen couldn’t stifle another outburst of giggles.

“Gwen! Sounds like you two are having a good time! I hope you’re not carrying on like that in too public a place.”It didn’t matter where she was, Gwen knew her very proper mother would disapprove of being so loud in public. She didn’t take it to heart, though, and instead said “We are, Michelle is being a terrible influence, like usual” as the girl stuck out her tongue, which only made Gwen giggle some more.

“I’m sure. Just don’t let it be permanent, Silly Bean” her Mom said with a sigh, and probably a little smile of her own. For once the nickname fit, Gwen thought. “Unfortunately you two can’t keep it up today. Michelle’s mother just called to say her brothers’ doctor appointment is going much longer than she expected. Between that and some other things she has to get done today, she can’t get you two as planned. She asked if I can drop Michelle off at home. I’m afraid I can’t change my schedule for the afternoon either, so I’m taking you both to Ben’s house. Aunt Sandra will take Michelle home on the way to the dojo. I’m on my way to get you now.“

Gwen’s giggle had faded away after the word ‘unfortunately’, and her grin changed to a frown while her Mom was talking. “Mom! We’ve only been here a few hours! Can’t someone get us at 3?” Michelle heard and walked over, with a scowl of her own.

“No, there’s no one else to ask.” Gwen was about to say Grandpa can do it, but he still hadn’t come back from wherever he went before Christmas. She was fuming about that when she heard her Mom say “... it’s no one’s fault, these things just sometimes happen.I’ll be at the mall in ten minutes, I’ll pick you two up at the food court entrance.”

Gwen remembered her plans for the afternoon “What about karate? I don’t have my stuff!”

“Don’t worry about that, I have your gi, and clothes to change into afterwards.”

Gwen knew better than to argue any more, and just said “All right, we’ll be there.”

“Good. I’ll pick you up this evening at 10 like usual.”

In spite of the disappointing turn of events, Gwen was happy about both karate and hanging out afterwards. “How about 10:30?”

She could almost hear her Mom smile. “We’ll see.” and hung up.

Michelle growled out “What happened?”, and Gwen filled her in as they walked back to the food court. Then it occurred to her that Michelle would be stranded, and asked “Can you get in your house with your Mom gone?”

“Yeah, I have a key. But what am I going to do until she gets home? For that matter, what about between now and the time you go to karate? This _stinks_!” The look on her face at the thought of being at Ben’s house made it clear she wasn’t too thrilled. Gwen tried to calm her down “We’ll figure something out, ‘Chelle. Aunt Sandy is pretty cool, and...” What to do about Ben? Michelle had this ongoing thing against him, which Ben picked up on and returned the favor, even though they didn’t know each other at all. It had been a relief to not focus on her confusion about him even for a little while, and now it came crashing back, with this new added complication. While it wasn’t close to being the most important thing clouding her mind, she didn’t like feeling she had to balance them against each other.

“We only have to be there for about a half hour, that’s bearable, isn’t it? Maybe I can get him to play his guitar, we won’t have to talk much. He really is pretty good!” Gwen said when Michelle aimed a scowl at her.

“I guess, if you say so” she grumbled and rolled her eyes as Gwen’s Mom pulled up outside the entrance. The drive to Ben’s house took fifteen minutes, with just some chit chat with Mom about their time at the mall and Michelle’s family.

When they got there, Ben and Aunt Sandy were just getting out of their minivan. Aunt Sandy gave them a smile and said “Gwen, good to see you! And this is Michelle? Come on in!”.Ben had a wicked grin for a second that changed almost immediately to his regular one when he caught her eyes, and didn’t change when he looked over at Michelle.

Gwen thought that was a good sign, but still whispered to herself “ _Please_ be the Doofus I know you are, not the Ben you were two years ago.” as they walked into the house.

————

Ben’s house

3:10 PM

Ben’s Mom was at the head of the line of cars when he got out of school. It had been another tedious day, but he did get a decent grade on his math quiz. That was something good about the day he could tell his Dweeb and Mom and Dad. And today was Friday, meaning karate and movie night. _Things were looking up after all!_ he grinned as he walked to the minivan.

His Mom had her worried look as he threw his backpack in the back seat and climbed in up front. _Maybe not?_ he wondered as the grin faded. He settled in the seat and was putting on the seatbelt as she pulled out of line. She wasn’t looking at him when she asked “Hi, Ben, how was your day?” That was an automatic question, she didn’t expect an answer as she pulled into traffic, so he just made a short grunt.

“I have a surprise. Gwen’s coming over now, her plans for the day had to change because Michelle’s mom can’t get them to practice this afternoon. We’re taking her with us.” He knew his eyes lit up at that because he felt the grin come back. Even with the _weirdness_ between him and Gwen at the beginning of the year, they were getting closer to what had been normal at Christmas, as far as he could tell anyway. Gwen still wouldn’t talk about any of it, but she was acting less skittish when they got together. That had to be a good thing, right?

He almost missed what Mom said next. “I’m glad you’re OK with that” she smiled at him, but still had a nervous edge to her voice. “I figured you would be. The surprise is her friend Michelle is coming too. They were at the mall when Aunt Lily picked them up, but she didn’t have time to take them home. It’s only for a half hour, you three can hang out for that long, right?” She winced a little when she looked over at him.

Ben tried not to get angry. _That girl_ was always giving him the stink eye! It made his skin crawl every time he saw it, and he couldn’t figure out why she did. Well, at least before their party, anyway. It was so unfair! Other than that time, she only saw them together that day before Christmas, she had no reason to not like him. The thought of having to talk to her for even a half hour was getting him wound up. If only they didn’t have to do that...

And then it hit him. He could do something his Dweeb liked without needing to talk much - he could play his guitar. He wouldn’t normally want to with anyone else listening, but this wasn’t a normal situation. The 10 year old voice in his head was raising a fuss about the situation and he was doing his best to push it down, when he came up with a way to prank both the girls that the voice approved of! He couldn’t help smiling at the thought, and his Mom saw it, with an apprehensive look.

“Sure, Mom, we’ll figure something out.” he said as they pulled into the garage.

“I’m glad you’re taking this so well! And there they are, right behind us. Be nice?” “Don’t worry!” he replied and got his stuff out of the car.He even smiled at them both and said hi as they walked up the driveway. He was happy to see Gwen smile back, but he could tell she was nervous. Michelle looked like she would either bail at any second, or bite his head off. That didn’t matter. This was gonna be sweet if he could pull it off!

They got in the house and his Mom said “Gwen, you and Ben can get ready for class upstairs. Michelle, can I get you something to drink? Water, soda, lemonade?” Ben glanced over, the look on Army Girl’s face made it clear she wanted to be anyplace but here, but that wasn’t his problem. She answered back something Ben didn’t catch, he knew his Mom would keep her busy. Gwen gave her a small smile and said “I’ll be ready in a few minutes, ‘Chelle.”

Ben looked at Gwen and said “Race ya!” and started up the stairs, and he was happy to hear her say “You’re on!” like they usually did. Getting back to normal.

They got to the top of the stairs about even, though he would have said he got a foot on the hall floor first. They turned in opposite directions, Gwen to the bathroom and he went to his room. While he was changing into his gi, he thought _how can I suggest playing a song without being too obvious?_

He heard Gwen call out from the top of the stairs “Michelle, come on up” and he heard her feet almost stomp up the stairs as he opened his bedroom door. Both girls looked worried as they walked towards his room, and he was about to start talking when Gwen beat him to it. “Ben, I’ve been telling Michelle about how good you are with your guitar, but she doesn’t buy it.” This was great! She was buttering him up big time to do what he already planned, and one look at that girl showed the bit about not believing he could play was true, at least. “Want to prove me right?” she gave him a small smile, and he heard some pride in her voice. _Couldn’t have asked for a better setup! Don’t overdo it. Yet._

He ducked his head and sounded reluctant as he said “Really? I don’t know...” and Michelle even said “I promise to be nice if you’ll show me!”

Ben tried to look embarrassed, knew he couldn’t pull it off so instead he looked away. “All right, since you both asked. I just learned a new song, it’s kinda personal but ... I guess I can get through it”, and both girls didn’t disappoint him! Gwen got a horrified look as she obviously flashed back to their first movie night after the party. Ben couldn’t help wincing himself, he still couldn’t believe he did _that_. Now he felt his cheeks start to burn, but that just added realism. He thought Gwen would have told Michelle about it - hopefully not _everything_! - and her face told him he was right. She looked concerned and embarrassed at the same time. They both stopped just inside his bedroom door and stood there, looking for all the world like they’d bolt back downstairs. He turned and picked up his axe, then hit the power switch on the amp.

Gwen tried to back out, “You don’t have to play something like that” and gave him a sort of pleading look. There was no way he was stopping now, though. “No, I want you to hear this...” he replied, and before she could say anything more he looked down at his hands so they couldn’t catch his eye, strummed the strings once, and closed his eyes. Then he started playing the beginning riff of _Everybody Hurts_ , stopped and said in a low voice “No, not that one” as if to himself, but definitely loud enough for them to hear. He couldn’t help it, he had to see their faces so he briefly looked up, and almost burst out laughing! They both recognized that song, and their looks made him finally understand what ‘mortified’ meant! He closed his eyes again, took a deep breath, and started playing...

After the first ten or so notes of _Kung Fu Fighting_ he opened his eyes and looked at the girls, but kept playing the 70s AM radio staple. Gwen had a pained, puzzled look as she tried to recognize the song, but Michelle had figured it out. And sucked in a breath as she clapped both hands to her mouth! Then Gwen’s eyes got big as dinner plates as she got it, and pretty much shrieked out “ _You Doofus!_ You tricked me!”

And he totally lost it! He stopped playing, bent over and put the guitar down, put his hands on his knees to hold himself up, and _howled_ with laughter! “Duh!” he gasped out. “Oh my god, that was _hilarious_! I totally got you! Got you _both_!” He could barely get the words out between fits of laughing. He straightened up and kept on “You should have seen your faces! That was _epic_!” He had to wipe his eyes, he was laughing that hard.

Gwen and Michelle got over their shock and were also cracking up by now. Michelle looked at him with a new expression for a change, much more friendly and appreciative as she glanced back and forth between him and Gwen. And some amazement when she focused on Gwen and said “Did you teach him that trick, Crazy?!” Ben didn’t get what that meant, but he’d ask his Dweeb about it later.

And Gwen. Her laughing died off a little and she admitted “Yeah, I guess you did!” And surprised him and Michelle when she ran the few steps between them and hit him with a flying hug! “ _Kung Fu Fighting_! _That_ was personal? Really?! I can’t believe you did that!” She slapped his chest for emphasis and started laughing again with her chin on his shoulder. Ben knew he had a huge grin, and hugged her back. He looked up and saw Michelle staring at them with a shy smile and a hesitant look. He couldn’t help himself _again_ , and was amazed when he heard his own voice say “Come on, Army Girl, you know you want to get in on this!” He held up his right hand and flicked his fingers in a come here sign. Somewhat to his surprise, and hers by the look on her face, she jumped in, more on Gwen than him, but still...

Ben’s Mom called out “Whats all the commotion in there?” with a slightly annoyed tone, as she rounded the doorway and saw the three of them. “What’s going on?” Now she sounded suspicious.

Gwen broke the group hug up, still laughing, “Aunt Sandy! Don’t be mad! Ben just pulled off one of his best pranks!” The woman raised an eyebrow and said “Did he? What was it?”

Gwen explained “I asked him to play something on his guitar, and he said he just learned a new song, but made it sound like it would be kinda sad.”

“My Ben said that? Wait, he _agreed_ to play?!”

“Yeah, I was a little shocked too. Anyway, he... Ben! Do it for your Mom!”

He didn’t expect this, but shrugged and thought _why not_? He picked up the guitar, and went through the routine again, only this time he was mostly watching his Mom to see if she would get it, while the other two snickered some more. She got the worried expression the girls did to the start of _Everybody Hurts_ , as expected, but it took her longer to catch on to _Kung Fu Fighting_. In fact, he had to play through to the second time those words came up in the chorus, but she just said “I don’t...” with a confused expression. And then Gwen almost shouted over his playing “Aunt Sandy! You know...” and then started singing the words, with a big grin. She even got Michelle to sing along, and Ben got his own shock to hear they were _good_! His Mom finally started cracking up, and all four of them were laughing when he got to the end. Ben called out “Mom, I can’t believe you didn’t know that!”

She replied “Give me a break, I was still listening to Sesame Street when that song came out! And how do _you_ know about it?” as her laughter died off.

“Look at what I’m wearing! Duh.” as he looked down at his gi. The girls were still giggling and Ben had a big grin as his Mom turned to go downstairs saying “That _was_ a good one! ... We need to leave in fifteen minutes, OK?”

Gwen asked ”Time for one or two more?” Michelle nodded and agreed “Yeah!”, and Ben said “OK, I have a couple I’ve been working on” and started on one he knew she liked. He did Follow You Down the last time he played for her, and he’d practiced it since then so he _shredded_ it now! He did another one, and he knew he nailed it, too, from their reactions. Gwen was smiling like she did last October, and Michelle had a big grin, and they both were almost dancing as they swayed to the beat. Ben smiled too, and was a little amazed still that they were having fun. 

His Mom called up again “Time to go!”, and Gwen said “OK, we’re on the way.” as Michelle walked into the hall. Gwen caught him in another hug on his way to the door, and in a soft voice said “That was fun! Thank you! And for being nice to Michelle.” She went to kiss his cheek, but Ben flinched before he could stop himself. Gwen stopped, but didn’t pull away. Instead she looked him in the eyes and whispered “This isn’t part of the game.” and kissed his cheek gently. She pulled back and said “I don’t want you to leave”, giving him a nervous look. Ben looked back, and suddenly flashed back to the fight with the Poodle. Right after, she said that was one of the things it tried to use against her. He nodded and hugged her back a little tighter so she’d know he remembered, and said quietly “I’m not going anywhere”.

Michelle yelled back “Hey, are you two coming?”, and they started walking out again. Ben said a little louder “I learned a couple other songs, too. But I want you to hear them first. I can do them after dinner, if you want. And no, it won’t be another sob fest” rolling his eyes before she could say anything.

————

Ben’s bedroom

6:30 PM

Gwen couldn’t stop the occasional giggle over Ben’s prank when they walked into the dojo, and was happy to hear him stifle some down too. She went in first and saw Paul doing some stretches. He grinned when he saw her, and it got bigger when he saw Ben follow her in, and gave that weird head nod thing boys do to say hello. She glanced back at Ben and was surprised to see his cheeks turn pink as he returned it. She wanted to ask what _that_ was about, but they both stopped snickering as they took their places on the mat. The prank had been fun, but they were both preparing to test for their next belt level, so they stayed focused during class.

Aunt Sandy picked them up afterwards, and the conversation on the drive home was about how both got rare approval from Sensei, and no major bruises for a change. They had to repeat the story during dinner for Uncle Carl, and Ben had crowed about the good score he got on a math quiz. His parents were pleased about that - they knew he could do well with physical activity like karate, but his improving results at school really got their attention. Her Doofus tried to pass it off as no big deal, but he got a big grin when she put her hand on his arm and said “That’s great, Ben, way to go!”Gwen was genuinely proud of him, she had helped him with that unit and he worked hard to get it. She was also happy that they were getting past their twitchiness when they touched each other, even if Uncle Carl got a funny look when he noticed. Aunt Sandy told Uncle Carl about Ben’s prank, and the three of them had another good laugh while her uncle looked at them with an amused smile, then said he’d like to hear Ben play it for him, too. The rest of dinner was fun, and after they cleaned up they headed upstairs.

They were walking down the hall from the stairs to his room when Gwen started by saying again “That’s really great news about your quiz, Ben! I knew you had it!”

“Yeah, with your help. Thanks!” he said with a big grin. “And with my test for green. Looks like you’re ready to test up, too, the way Sensei was talking!”

They went into his room, and Ben closed the door most of they way. “So, what should we do? It’s my night to pick a movie...” he started.

“Actually, I want to hear your new songs. If that’s all right?” Gwen replied. She ducked her head a little at the end, and was a little embarrassed at the action as much as the question. She thought her skittishness was getting better.

She could see Ben noticed, but he didn’t react to it, and instead grinned a little and said “I was hoping you’d want to. This afternoon was more fun than I expected!” He started plugging in the amp and guitar, while Gwen got the pillows on his bed in the right place to sit back. He slung the guitar over his shoulder while turning around, and his grin got bigger as she settled on his bed. “Do you want to hear stuff you know, or just some new ones?”

“Surprise me!” She said, and he did his usual strum across the strings. That was becoming a signature thing, and she wondered if he even noticed he was doing it. It did serve a purpose, though, he adjusted the volume down a bit. She had to agree the setting from that afternoon was a little high.

He counted a tempo to himself and launched into _Follow You Down_ again, and went straight from that into a couple new Gin Blossoms songs. Like his usual style, they had kind of fast, catchy vocal lines, but he was able to include a lot of the lead guitar sound with it. And, of course, the solos - he really got into them, his fingers flying over the strings with a determined look as he watched his hands on the instrument. He may not have been able to play all the intricacies of the originals, but he was pretty darn close from what she heard. Gwen couldn’t help her smile, and swaying with the music from her seat. She was really tempted to get up and dance, but she was afraid that would make enough commotion to get his parents to investigate. She didn’t want that to stop him, and she liked that this was only for them.

Then he payed _All I Want_ , a song from Toad the Wet Sprocket - who came up with that name, anyway? - that she remembered telling him was one of her favorites once when they heard it on the radio. While he played, she started singing the lyrics of the chorus in her mind, and she felt some heat rising from her collar into her face.

_All I want is to feel this way_

_To be this close, to feel the same ..._

It always surprised her when a song she’d listened to, maybe even sang along with so many times without thinking about it just because the music was engaging, took on a deeper meaning as the words seemed to suddenly reflect a part of her life.

It just happened. She’d had a really good day! Spending time being goofy with Michelle at the mall had been a blast! Then Ben pulling that epic prank with _Kung Fu Fighting_... The adorable little prick! (She couldn’t help flash a quick smirk at using one of ‘Chelle’s colorful words. She really was a bad influence.) She had been so afraid of another emotional scene, and then he pulled _that_ out of the air. And he did it in front of Michelle and his mom! Gwen hadn’t laughed that hard since... she couldn’t remember. Not since before New Year’s, anyway. And watching her Doofus collapse almost in hysterics when he pulled it off? That had been _awesome_!

Karate always made her feel good, there was something about hard physical activity that helped clear her mind, and getting public approval from Sensei was an added bonus.

And now, just hanging out with him, enjoying his music - it was a great break from what had become their usual routine again, watching movies and playing video games. She realized with a little jolt that she felt comfortable being with him again. She wasn’t sure when that happened, sometime in the last couple of weeks, but she liked the feeling. Judging from his behavior recently, Ben did too. Like he said once, this was... nice.

_Nothing’s so cold,_

_As closing the heart when all we need_

_Is to free the soul_

_But we wouldn’t be that brave I know..._

Wow. Talk about having the other shoe drop. Those words hit her and she felt her stomach twist. She could feel her cheeks burning now.

The lyrics were a lot more personal when he was playing for her than listening to the song on the radio. It made her wonder if he paid attention to them, or was he only interested in the tune? Gwen could tell he noticed her reaction to the song, but he didn’t skip a beat.  
  


_Though the air speaks for all we’ll never be_

_It won’t trouble me..._

Is _that_ what they were settling for? What he wanted? What _she_ wanted? Being comfortable together, a _nice_ situation? Or could there be more that they could find, if they - if _she_ \- would try? All her doubts and confusion came flooding back, but she almost forcefully jammed them right back down. She didn’t want to ruin what had been so far a good day for both of them, but she knew she wasn’t done thinking...

Ben stopped playing when he finished the song, let the guitar hang from the strap and shook out his hands and fingers, and looked up with a shy smile. “My hands need a break, that’s the first time I’ve played so many in a row since October. I don’t know how the guys in the bands keep it up.”

He paused and looked at her, “Soooo, what do you think?” he said the words slowly. He was starting to turn red, too, and waited to see what her reaction would be.

She thought he had to be happy with it, because she felt herself smiling from ear to ear. “That was really good! I love all those songs, and the way you played them was amazing!” Gwen had to try not to gush as she spoke, she really _did_ like it! “Why mostly Gin Blossoms, though?”

He shrugged “I like their music, especially the guitar solos.” He grinned. “I have to work at learning them, but they’re worth it once I do. I just like playing them!And they’re all on the cassette I got at Christmas, so they’re easier to learn.”

She had to know about _All I Want_. “What about that last one?”

He ducked his head at that, and got redder. Then he took the guitar from around his neck, put it down, and sat down in the chair by the desk so he could face her. “Yeah, about that...”

Gwen cut in “You don’t have to explain...”

“No, it’s OK. Let me tell you how I learn a new song. I did it at first because you said you liked it. I’d heard it on the radio, too, and I thought it would work for how I play. First I listen to a song to see if the vocals can mix with the guitar line, so I can decide if I can play it.”

Gwen was about to say something sarcastic, but he beat her to it. “Yeah, I know I can’t play everything. Yet.” He glared at her, but there wasn’t anything behind it. She was tempted to laugh, but let it go with “Keep going.”

He did, “I knew I could get this one. I recorded it from the radio so I can play it back a little at a time, pick out the notes, then back it up and do it again. That’s how I work on learning the notes. I can usually find chord charts, too, so that helps. When I get enough, I put them together into the vocal, then I add the guitar parts that I can fit in. The solos are the best, so I do them last before I put it all together.” Gwen listened mostly patiently to this, but he saw she was at her limit, he was almost nerding out with his explanation. Go figure. “I don’t care about the words when I’m learning a song.” He started to blush again and rubbed the back of his head with his hand, but kept going. “I didn’t look at the words of that song until I pretty much had it, and then...”

She thought of them again now, and felt her face go hot, too. She finished for him “It’s like the song is talking about us”, in a soft voice.

“I don’t... This isn’t something I... you think so, too?” Ben stammered.

Gwen realized what she just admitted, and hurried to backtrack “I mean, you _could_ hear it that way, not that I...”

Ben got a relieved look, “Yeah, exactly, you could.” She almost hugged him for letting her off the hook.

“Sometimes I do, but after listening to all the words to these songs, almost _all_ of them have parts that make me think that. Like _Follow You Down_. But not every time, and I’m not trying to say something to you when I play them. ... Not _all_ the time, anyway. And it isn’t always you and me...” he ducked his head again and looked down. “Sometimes they make me think of my parents, or how bad school was, or our summers. ... But mostly I just play the music, and that makes me feel good. Like before karate today.” He looked up at her, with a mix of embarrassment and a trace of a grin. He looked as confused as she felt, she thought. “You know what I mean?”

Gwen had tensed up without noticing while Ben had been explaining, and felt herself relaxing when he stopped. “Yeah, I do. OK. I get it. “ and she smiled at him. “There isn’t a really deep meaning to _Detroit Rock City_ , is there? It’s just fun to dance to!”

“Uh huh, like that, or _I Can’t Drive 55_! I mean, I can’t drive a car yet, but that’s a great song to play!”

“OK Doofus, we both agree not to read too much into the songs, right?” She paused and looked away. “But I _am_ a little jealous.” She saw him get his confused look again.

“You get to play whenever you want, but I only get to hear you once in a while. It would be nice to hear more often...”

Ben got an excited look then, said “Gotcha covered!” He picked up his phone and plugged a cable into it, then into the amp. Then he got up with a smile, and sat down on the bed next to her. “Check this out!” He flipped the phone open and showed it to her, a list of song titles. There was a triangle at the bottom of the screen, and he highlighted it somehow, then it flashed when he pressed the ‘Enter’ button on the keypad. And the first song on the list started playing through the amplifier! One she knew he had played for her. Gwen sucked in a breath, and said “How did you do that?!” She was pretty sure her parent’s phones couldn’t.

He could hardly contain his excitement, and that made her smile too. “Pretty cool, huh? The Little Guy explained that to me after I Upgraymattered it. I can record songs through the amp to the phone, and play them back!” He pressed a few more buttons, looked up at her with that smile, and she heard her phone beep. “There, now you have them! You can play them back through the speaker in the phone, but that sucks, so I got you a cable to play it on a radio, or you can use headphones.”

Gwen matched his excitement “That is _so_ cool!” and she couldn’t believe his smile could be getting any bigger, but he pulled it off. He was about to stop his phone playback to plug in hers, but she put her hand on his to stop him. “No, don’t stop, let it keep playing.” Then she shifted around a little so she could lean back into his chest, and pushed him back into the pillows. She ended up leaning against his left side, with her head on his shoulder. Gwen could see him get a little surprised look, so she said “I just want to listen to a few.” And looked at him and matched the grin on his face.

After two songs, her right hand found its way from her side up to the back of his head, where her fingers absently made more of a mess of his hair. And this time, anyway, neither one of them flinched.

Her Doofus surprised her more than once today, not least was having fun with Michelle and Aunt Sandy. That made some of her worries about _them_ , and what he _thought_ about her, stay in the background.

So when he relaxed a little more into her side with a soft sigh, she stopped thinking and just enjoyed the music with him. And she smiled and made her little hum, like the night in the snow.

For now anyway, _nice_ would do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Another one that I wrote before Chapter 30 came out, so this doesn’t follow the main story. I’ve thought about adapting it by not having Michelle go to Ben’s house before karate, but I decided to post this as is regardless. 
> 
> I like the idea of listing songs that go with the story, so:  
> Everybody Hurts, by R.E.M.  
> Kung Fu Fighting, by Carl Douglas  
> Follow You Down, Hey Jealousy, Till I Hear It From You, by the Gin Blossoms  
> All I a Want, by Toad the Wet Sprocket  
> Detroit Rock City, by KISS  
> I Can’t Drive 55, by Sammy Hagar


	6. It’s Not So Hard Being Green

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I see interesting possibilities for Paul, so with the encouragement I’ve gotten, I pressed on with this.

Rising Phoenix Dojo

March 10, 2000

3:40 PM

The weather was gray and overcast and cold when school got out, and none of it helped Ben’s prickly mood as he got out of the minivan when his Mom pulled up in front of the dojo. Even in his winter jacket he shivered in the cold breeze a little as he reached for the door and walked in. At least it was warm inside, maybe a little _too_ warm, making him shuck the jacket before the door could even close. It smelled familiar, though, once you got used to the stink of sweat, old and new. And if you knew what to look for you could catch a whiff of blood from an imprecise punch, or a sloppy block, or more probably a combination of both. It almost made Ben crack a grin, since he was more than able to recognize it from personal experience, in and outside of the dojo. If he was pressed, he’d probably say the smells weren't really _that_ bad, even if that would make Gwen squeal about how gross he was. That thought did make him flash a brief grin. Then he remembered why the weather had been amplifying his fidgety state when he got out of the van, and it returned.

He wasn’t really upset at being there, he had been looking forward to this day since the beginning of the year. It was just that he was ready, and he didn’t like having to wait to get on with it. Ben walked quickly to the boys locker room with his gym bag and jacket slung over his shoulder so he could change. He avoided making eye contact with anyone, and was just focused as he came out of the locker room. That’s how he would have described it, anyway.

He almost ran into Paul as he stepped onto the mat, and only realized it when the older boy made some noise.

“Hey Shorty!” Paul said just as Ben stepped through the doorway, followed by “Whoa, whoa, look up when you come charging out of there!” He grinned, though, as he stopped short of a collision by grabbing Ben by the shoulders.

Ben looked up as he stopped, too, and gave Paul a sheepish grin. “Oops! Sorry!”

Paul just let go and grunted “Eh”, and walked to their usual place on the mat to stretch, with Ben in trail. Then he followed up with “You know, I know you really like being here, so why the sour face? What’s up? Nervous about your test?” They both sat down and started their stretching routine.

Ben just snorted “Pfft! Me, nervous? Please!”

“Then what?”

“I just, I don’t know. I’ve been kinda antsy all day. I just want to do the test and know I passed and I’ll turn green and I can be in the tournament in May.” All that rushed out, a bit to Ben’s own surprise. “Know what I mean?” he asked as he ducked his head.

Paul grinned. “Antsy about your test? Don’t be. Sensei holds us to high standards, he wouldn’t let you test if he didn’t think you were ready.”

Ben looked up. “Yeah, I know you’re right. I’m still slipping a little when I try the reverse spin kick, though.”

Paul looked him directly in the eyes. “You’re ready. How you do is up to you, though. Look, getting the first two belts may be almost automatic, but no one gets them without knowing the skills first. This is no different. Like I told you before, you got where you are by working, and listening. You’re the only one from your group of firsties that’s ready for green. The one that’s left” and Ben got a small grin as he remembered what Paul said about that a few weeks ago - of the group, only one other kid was still at it. “... is about four months behind you. You’re doing good. You’ve got this.”

Then he got a funny look, and asked “What’s the big deal about being in the tournament? There’ll be plenty of others. Even as fast as you’ve been progressing, you’re gonna be a green belt for a while, ya know.” he finished with a smirk.

Ben huffed out a breath. “Yeah, I know. I know I’ve been pushing kinda hard, and I know Sensei is letting me do it a little faster than usual. And I know you guys” he saw Paul’s face twitch a little at that, “are close to testing for blue, but if you don’t before then, then I’ll be in the same belt class...”

“And you think you can breeze past me so you can compete against _her_! Nice to know what you think of _my_ abilities!” Paul finished for him with his good natured laugh.

Ben felt his face start to burn. “I don’t mean it like that! I’ve _still_ got bruises from the last time we sparred. I’m hoping I won’t be in the same bracket as you and Gwen.”

“And assuming _she’ll_ knock me out is supposed to make me feel better?” He laughed some more. “You’re not very good at not antagonizing people, are you? ... Relax, I know what you’re trying to say.” as he noticed Ben’s stricken expression. “Be careful when you stand up, you may end up passing out from that flush on your face!”

Paul got up and extended his hand. Ben took it and was a little surprised at how easily the bigger boy hauled him up. Paul was still grinning when he said “Focus on now, not the things you can’t control in the future.”

While they were talking Sensei had been seemingly wandering aimlessly around his dojo and somehow ended up behind them, and chose now to walk in front of them. “You are getting sound advice, Tenneyson-San. It’s gratifying to see you listen and follow it. From _all_ of the sources.” He smiled at them briefly and turned to walk the rest of the mat area before class started, pausing to talk briefly with some of the other kids.

Ben was a bit gobsmacked by what Sensei said, but Paul was smiling broadly now. It wasn’t often two students got a simultaneous compliment like that. Paul said “Told ya! You’ll be fine. Just don’t get cocky.”

Ben snorted “Now you sound like Gwen.”

Paul cocked his head to his right a little. “Really? I’ll take that as a compliment.” He paused. “I don’t want to mess with your head, so don’t answer if you don’t want to. But, how are you two doing? Outside, I mean. I know you’re both ok in here. Don’t give me that, I’ve noticed.” he continued as Ben was rolling his eyes.

“Sensei asked me to keep an eye out to make sure neither of you falls into any bad habits.” Paul laughed. “You wail on each other with a little _too much_ enthusiasm sometimes, but otherwise you’re doing good.”

Ben should have been annoyed about being watched, but Paul’s explanation made sense, and his laid back manner was hard to get mad at.He nodded instead, and said slowly “I think things are OK?” but he still wasn’t certain. Gwen’s Friday visits were mostly the only times they saw each other outside karate, although there _was_ that time a few weeks ago they went heroing to save that convoy near the new Army post. That was a blast! Except for her getting that lance burn...

The movie nights had started out pretty strained, but lately they had gotten into a routine he was OK with. And last Friday had been _awesome!_ He still smirked at his music prank. And after they finished dinner and he played the new songs he learned for her, and showed her how the phone would work to play them back? Priceless. For that day, anyway, he had his old Dweeb back. They felt comfortable together, which was good, _almost_ like they were at Christmas. There was still something about her that wasn’t like it used to be, though. He missed that, but was happy that they were at least friendly again. And they were getting less twitchy with each other.

He didn’t say any of that to Paul, though. Instead he punted. “I think I need to focus on today, like you said, OK? Maybe after?”

Paul watched Ben consider his answer and didn’t press it. “No sweat. Another time. Remember what I said - you’ve got this!”

While the boys were talking they missed Gwen come in and go into the girls locker room to get ready. Ben saw her come out and walk their way, and he got a small smile. Paul saw it, and looked over his shoulder to see her as well. He turned her way and grinned, and called out a little louder than necessary “There she is! I was just telling the Squirt here that your extracurricular activities have been paying off!”

More than a few of the other kids who were standing around or stretching on the mat turned to look at that, a couple with a knowing grin, and both Ben and Gwen started blushing at the unexpected attention. Gwen walked the last few steps to them before she said “Our what now?” with more than a little trace of agitation. Ben just sputtered a little, good thing he wasn’t drinking anything.

Paul had a wicked grin. “You know, the extra training for your _karate-sei_! He’s gonna ace his test, thanks in no small part to you. Be ready to take a bow when he does!”

Ben saw his Dweeb relax as she replied “Looks like I’m not the only one helping out with advice! Maybe we should both do that!” And the smile she got lit up the room. Well, it at least adjusted _his_ attitude in a positive way. Between that, and what Paul and Sensei said, he was almost bouncing with anticipation. He was _ready_.

Wait. “Hey! I’m the one taking the test, remember?” he said with fake outrage. And he smiled back at her.

Gwen grabbed the right sleeve of his gi and pulled him a little away from the rest of the class. She spoke to him in a quiet voice. “Remember how we practiced. Don’t forget to keep your balance when you kick, you know how you tend to over extend sometimes...” While she was talking Ben heard some noise at the dojo entrance, but he ignored it.

“Yeah, yeah, I remember what you told me, Dweeb. I’m ready. I had great teachers!” he replied with a grin.

“I know you are, Doofus! Paul’s right, you _are_ gonna ace it! I’ll see you when you finish!” Sometime during their conversation her hand had slipped down his sleeve and found his, and she gave it a quick squeeze before letting go. And the smile she gave him made his heart skip a beat. She looked over at the entrance door, and murmured “Oh good, they made it!”

Ben looked over with a slightly confused look, then he let out a small groan. “Ugh, I _told_ them they didn’t need to come!” as he saw his parents sit down.

Gwen slapped his chest lightly. “Of course they came! And you know you’re glad they did.” He looked at his parents and returned the smiles they gave him, and his Dad gave him a thumbs up.

Ben looked back at his Dweeb and said “You knew they were coming!” She just kept smiling at him but ducked her head a bit, and nodded. All he could say was “Thanks!” and smiled back.

Then Sensei walked to the front of the class, the room quieted down, and said “Let us begin.” They walked back to join the class, Gwen to her usual place on the mat, and Ben in front of Sensei. He bowed, and Sensei returned it. “Are you ready, Tennyson-San?”

Ben took in a breath and exhaled slowly. “Yes, Sensei.”

Since Ben was the only person being tested, it progressed quickly. He demonstrated the required skills well, with only a few slips and misses. None were enough to get more than a mild mention from Sensei; from previous tests he watched and participated in, he knew he wouldn’t get any obvious praise for skills he may show particularly well, either. Still, when he either goofed up or did well, he would glance at friendly faces in the dojo - his parents, Paul, sometimes other kids he’d sparred with - and see encouragement and empathy. Most often, though, he’d catch Gwen’s eyes, and see those sentiments. And more, a mix of pride, satisfaction, and happiness, along with her ever present smile. That, more than anything, added to his confidence as he progressed through the test. Between skills, he couldn’t help but grin to himself and back at her, and the other faces. Unlike tests at school, he was enjoying this!

And then it was finished, and Ben was bowing to Sensei to end the test. He knew he did well, and hoped he did well _enough_ , but it was always unwise to make assumptions when it came to Sensei. So he had to work at not letting his jaw drop when his teacher said, quietly enough so that only he could hear “You performed well, Tennyson-San. I am pleased with your progress.” Ben could only bow just a little more and replied in barely more than a whisper “Thank you, Sensei!” The old man gave him a brief, tight smile as they straightened up, and said “Please rejoin your classmates.”

There wasn’t much time left for a regular class, so Sensei said they would work on some punching and blocking drills. It was just as well, Ben was a little worn out and was hoping for light drills, maybe even half speed. All thoughts of that went out the window with his drill partner, though, as Paul stepped in front of him with a smirk. “Congrats, Squirt, I’m pretty sure you passed. Now you get a preview of your tournament wish! Ready?”

“Aw, man!” he groaned. “Any chance we can treat this as if I just passed for yellow? Just for today?”

Paul’s smirk turned into an evil grin as he said “Yeah..., nope!” and threw a right jab that Ben barely had time to deflect. “Little tired, are we?” he said with a laugh.

Ben collected himself and took a proper stance “You wish! Just one thing? At least give me some bruises in a new place” he said through his own smirk. He had time to glance to his right where Gwen was paired up with another kid, and he saw her looking and laughing at his predicament. The traitor!

When class ended, Ben and Paul bowed to each other and then to Sensei, as usual, then Paul stretched out his hand to shake Ben’s and said “For real, congratulations kid! You did great! I’m proud of ya!” Then he turned and headed to the locker rooms, saying over his shoulder “See you on Monday.” with his usual laid back grin.

Ben returned the grin and said “Thanks! See ya!”By this time his parents had caught up to him on the mat, and were both saying “Great job, Ben!” as his Mom caught him up in a hug. His Dad messed up his hair like he liked to do, and they both were beaming at him. Ben’s grin turned into a full smile after his obligatory “Mom, Dad, please, not here!” whinge. Followed by “Thanks for coming, you know you didn’t have to. It’s not that big of a deal.”

His Dad just laughed a little and said “Of course we’d be here! It is too! We always want to see proof that our money isn’t going down a black hole. We’re proud of you, too.”

Ben broke free from his Mom’s hug finally, and saw Gwen was standing next to him with a smile. He couldn’t wipe the idiot grin off his face as he faced her. Gwen took a half step to give him a hug before thinking better of it in front of his parents, instead saying “Way to go, Doofus! I knew you had it!”He just said “Thanks, Dweeb!” and nodded, as his Mom sighed and rolled her eyes. He kind of figured he’d get a proper congratulations hug from her later. He hoped so, anyway.

After dinner, and they’d made it to his room to play some video games, his Dweeb didn’t disappoint him.  
  



	7. Training Partners

Rising Phoenix Dojo

March 22, 2000

3:20 PM

Ben almost broke the crash bar when he went out the front door of his school just 5 minutes after the bell rang, having dumped the stuff he didn’t need for the night in his locker, and busted into a grin when he saw the minivan at the head of the line. He almost ran the rest of the way to the car, but it was only another 20 yards or so and it wasn’t worth it. It was a sunny day and not too cold, even without his jacket, so he didn’t need to rush. He smiled the last ten steps or so, like his Mom was, as he yanked open the door, threw his backpack in the back, and sat down. Closing the door, he said “Thanks for being at the head of the line, Mom!”

She pulled out of the line, saying “Seatbelt!” Then “Although I don’t know why, you’re going to be _really_ early for your class. I hope you have something to do until it starts.”

“Yeah, yeah”, as he reached for and buckled the belt. “I’m hoping to catch Paul before class starts, I want to see if he can help me with some new stuff from Monday.” He paused, then said “Gwen won’t get there until too late, otherwise I’d be asking her.”, just in time to answer Mom’s unasked question.

“Paul? He’s the boy that almost smacked you around after your test, right?” she teased with a grin. True to form, Ben couldn’t help a small outburst “He did _not_! I was about to bust his chops when Sensei stopped the class!” They both knew that was an exaggeration, but that was really the only way to answer her challenge. “But yeah, that’s the guy.” Mom kept smiling.

They pulled up in front of the dojo, and Ben said “Bye Mom. See you after class.” He retrieved his gym bag from the back, gave her a grin and closed the door, as she answered back “Me or your Dad, not sure which.” The front side of the building shadowed out the weak afternoon sun, and it felt colder here than at school. He was regretting not having his jacket now, it’ll be downright cold when class ends. Oh well.

He walked in the door and went back towards the locker rooms, scanning the room for Paul. Nope, not here yet, so he went in the boys locker and got changed and put some padding on the watch like usual. He was looking to the left as he went back into the mat area when he heard Paul’s voice, “Hey Kermit!” Ben focused on him and grinned and shook his head a little at the name. Paul always seemed to have some new nickname for him.

“We gotta stop meeting like this, people are gonna start to talk! You look good in green, by the way!” Paul grinned back. “Since you’re here this early, and serendipitously so am I, I’m guessing there’s something on your mind?”

“Seren whatsis, now?” Paul liked to use strange words, but from the look on his face and tone of voice Ben could usually figure them out. Most of the time.

“Happy chance. What’s up?”

“I was hoping you could help me with that new kick Sensei had me try on Monday.Looked like you had it down. Is that OK.” Ben asked, and cringed a little, a part of him waiting for the put down the rest of him hoped wasn’t coming.

Paul laughed. “Stop doing that! I told you I’d help if you asked. Sure. ... But isn’t Gwen gonna help you still?”

“Yeah, she is, but she also suggested that I ask you. Said we need to work with other people in class so we don’t get too used to each other.” As he realized what that sounded like, he felt his face start to heat up. He could tell Paul saw it, but he didn’t do anything besides smirk some.

“Did she now? Didn’t mention it to me. Doesn’t matter. Let me get changed, I’ll be out in a sec.”

While he waited, Ben thought back to when he practiced for his test with Gwen a week ago. They were doing a fast punch-block-counter punch drill, and he did it pretty well, if he did say so himself. Which he did, to her amused irritation. That was when she said he was too good at anticipating her moves, and suggested trying it with Paul, to get some different experience. “Not that I don’t have any surprises left”, she had said with a sly grin. They were facing each in ready stances while they were talking, when without warning she reached out with her right hand and firmly smacked his left cheek. It took him a few seconds to overcome his shock, and then growl out “Oh, it’s _on_ now, Dweeb!” in mock outrage. “Gotta keep up, Doofus!” she had smiled, and laughed as she gracefully spun away from his attempt to grab her wrist. That laugh...

“Yo, Short Stuff, come on back. You’re working out with _me_ now, not her!” Paul walked to a close spot on the mat and faced him. “I swear, if she ever sees _that_ look on your face, you _better_ have a good answer when she asks ‘what are you thinking?’ “ He laughed, and Ben felt the heat in his cheeks again. And started laughing, too.

“All right, we have, like, forty minutes, so get your shit together. Show me what you remember.”

It took all of fifteen for Ben to stumble through it full speed, go through it slowly with Paul critiquing and holding his flailing limbs in the right positions three or four times, and then have Ben do it again at full speed again a few times. On the first full speed try he slipped and fell flat on his butt, and Ben felt a flash of anger as he picked himself up. He expected to hear Paul’s laugh, but the boy just gave him a determined look and said “Don't worry about it, go again.” Ben got over his surprise and anger, and did it again without falling. The next couple kept improving, with some more encouragement, and after two more Paul grinned and said “That’s it, you got it! Just start at half speed the next few times you do it so you remember what it feels like. ... Nicely done!”

Ben found himself grinning at the words, it always felt good when he got the hang of a tricky move. Even better when someone saw and acknowledged it. And it didn’t matter that it wasn’t his Dweeb, he knew she’d be happy and proud when he did get a chance to show her. He liked that it was Paul helping this time.

Paul said “You were on the verge of losing it after you fell, weren’t you?” Ben made a half-hearted try to argue the point “No, I was just...” when Paul interrupted him with a small laugh. “Dude, _yeah_ you were! I’m glad you got past it like that. Good on ya! I can see why Gwen likes to work with you. Beyond the _other_ reasons, of course! You put in the work and listen.”

Paul waited with a smirk and watched for Ben’s reaction to the dig, but he just grimaced a little and said “Thanks!”

“So, if you want to do this in the future, call or text me first and make sure I’ll be around. You can’t always count on _serendipity_. Get your phone after class, I’ll give you my number.”

Ben knew he had never used his phone inside the dojo. With Gwen in the class, and either his parents or hers picking him up, not to mention Grandpa being anyplace _but_ here, there wasn’t anyone else to talk to. So he was a little puzzled when he asked “How do you know I have a phone?” It wasn’t unheard of for a kid in his grade to have one, but it wasn’t that common, either.

Paul shrugged and said “I’ve seen Gwen using one, not always talking with her parents or whoever. I figured the other end of text messages was you, especially the way she reacted when she got some grief about it one time.”

“What? How?”

“Somehow the word got out that time about you missing karate by getting a detention for fighting at school. She got very, uh, _defensive_ for you when someone suggestion that you must have started it. She said you were only reacting to a problem.” Paul waited for an explanation again, and Ben didn’t mind giving one this time.

“Yeah, a guy at school who’s been riding me for years and was still pissed that I decked him last April when he sucker punched me. Cash, the dirtbag, tried to do it again, but he telegraphed his shot so bad I’d have had to be blind to miss it. I blocked it and punched him and put him on his ass.” Ben smirked at that vision. “I gave him a bloody nose, but I didn’t break it this time. _On purpose_. Anyway, his sidekick saw what I did and got a teacher. Even though I was _completely_ set up, I got a DT, too.”” Ben was still bitter about that, and he didn’t mind letting it show with a dirty scowl. His parents predictably sided with the principal, barely even listening to his side. His Dweeb did, at least, taking some of the sting out of the unfairness of it all.

Paul listened to the tale with an empathetic grin and barked out a short laugh at the end, “Yeah, there’s always some dipshit who thinks he knows martial arts and has to try and show you up. I’ve had a few situations like that, too, and caught a few detentions for it. Sensei understands as long as you’re defending yourself, just don’t let it happen very often. Like he keeps telling us, not having to fight is always better.”

Paul got a funny look, like he was focusing on the far wall. “That explains her reaction, though.”

“Huh?” Ben didn’t get that.

Paul looked back at him. “Gwen was actually more than a little defensive. She was ready to square off with anyone who thought you really did start it. A couple of us had to talk her down before Sensei noticed. She was _really_ pissed off!” Paul had a wicked grin at that memory.

Ben was amazed. “Wow. She did that for me?!”

“Yeah! Duh! Of course you don’t know, though, you weren’t here. Now you do. Nice to know someone has your back, huh? Ya lucky sod!” Not that Ben didn’t know that, more than Paul could imagine. He was surprised at how good that story made him feel, though.

Except for how it didn’t match up as much as it used to with Gwen’s change towards him. Ben knew she’d always have his back, but that didn’t change how he felt a little _off_ with her. And that he felt _weird_ because of it. He felt his grin fade at the realization, _again_ , that he screwed up with her, and his face fell a little. For a second he felt like he did all _that_ week, and he really didn’t want to do it again. Without knowing why, he suddenly was afraid that he was hoping to be Paul’s friend for no reason. Why would a guy in high school want to hang around with him?

He didn’t want to find out the hard way that he was imagining things again. Figuring it was better to get it over with sooner than later, he asked gingerly “Can I ask you something?”

Paul heard the change in Ben’s voice, and looked at him closely “Like you haven’t been? Yeah, sure, what’s on your mind, Squirt?”

“Don’t get this wrong, I really appreciate you helping me with karate, and, well...” and he stopped and looked off past Paul. When the older boy just waited with a patient look, Ben forced out “... with me and my Dwee, uh, Gwen.” He looked back at Paul. He started this, he better finish it.

“Why?” That was _way_ harder to say than he expected. He kind of got how Gwen had trouble with conversations now.

“Why what?”

“Why are you taking the time with me? I mean, we hardly talked last year, and you know I don’t go to your school. I barely know anyone from _my_ school.” Ben said quietly.

Paul took time before answering, and Ben got an awful feeling that he was about to be ridiculed out of the dojo.

Paul looked at the wall across the room. “Wasn’t expecting _that_. Why does anyone act friendly to someone?” he mumbled like he was thinking out load, but then he focused on Ben again.

“I guess because you’ve been growing on me. When you started here I figured you for the _worst_ kind of firstie - loud, obnoxious, certain that you already knew how to kick butt, didn’t see why you weren’t being treated like an advanced student. Pretty much a typical little prick that would be gone in a month.” Ben’s jaw dropped at that, then he ducked his head and blurted out “I wasn’t like that...”

Paul cut him off with a soft laugh, “Yeah, you were so, dude! I heard you say as much to Gwen the first couple times you were here. You aren’t exactly subtle, are you! But I saw you get over it and start to listen to Sensei, and _her_ , and swallow whatever you thought you knew, and learn. And you kept at it, even when you got your ass handed to you.”

“Don’t even, you know you did! Hell, _I_ did it more than once!” as Ben started to argue the point. Another laugh.

“You looked like you were going to explode there more than a few times, but you kept it together.” _After looking hard at the padding covering your watch, for some reason_ , he didn’t say out loud, but Ben could see he was thinking it. “So I knew you had gotten serious. And, like I’ve said before, this _whatever you want to call it_ with Gwen was hard to not notice.” That got a shy grin out of Ben.

“When I went to you guy’s party, it was pretty obvious it was really her’s with you kind of added on. Don’t freak, think about it, there were maybe six guys and thirty some odd girls. They weren’t on _your_ invite list. Right?”

Ben nodded in agreement, it was a little intimidating how lopsided the crowd was. Jamie had barely coped. “Yeah, I’m not one of the cool kids at school.” he muttered. He couldn’t help an eye roll, too. He was surprised at how Paul replied.

“Yeah, me neither. Hard to be one of ‘em when you’ve only been in the neighborhood for a week before school starts.” He shrugged. “So when I saw you straggle in after her and her posse from the parking lot, with that hang dog look, I figured you could use a friendly face. I kind of knew there was more going on than a randomly thrown slushball.”

“That was a good shot, by the way. Perfect placement! Have some experience with that, have ya?” Paul finished with an admiring grin.

One that Ben returned. Then he couldn’t stop himself from smiling wistfully at the memory of the hero snowball fight, and felt his cheeks flush over their gift exchange. “Yeah, the snow fall right before Christmas.”

Paul broke into a full smile. “Look at you with that look! I’d pay money to hear _that_ story.” He glanced in the direction of the wall clock and grimaced. “Not now though, you got me talking right before class again. Let’s get ready.” He started to walk towards the mat where the rest of the class was gathering, with Ben in tow, when he stopped and turned.

“You know, we can practice other places than here.” He waited for Ben to catch on.

“Like at the park or something?” he asked, a bit uncertainly.

“Nah, a little chilly still for my taste. You OK with me coming over?”

Ben got caught by surprise, again, but recovered quickly enough. “You mean like a Saturday or something?” Friday nights were pretty well covered for their movie nights, and sometimes Gwen would help him with homework on Sunday afternoons, but weekends would work.

Paul grinned “Yeah, we can practice, maybe hang out for a while. You strike me as a gamer. PlayStation or Nintendo?”

“PlayStation. Sumo Slammer.”

Paul winced. “Ugh. Spare me from crappy games. Medal of Honor. At least the cartridge will work, I can show you what a _quality_ game is like.” Paul got a wicked grin before turning away from Ben’s scandalized look, and walked toward the mat again.

Ben recovered enough to start walking too, and called to his friend’s back “You wish! You’re just afraid I’ll kick your butt!” He grinned as Paul gave him a dismissive wave with his right hand, and they took their places on the mat, his next to his Dweeb like usual.

Gwen was smirking at hearing that exchange as they started to stretch, and said quietly “You two seem to be getting along pretty good. Have a good workout?”

“Yeah. Yeah, we did.” he answered and smiled back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been reading Nate-Mihael’s stories (for anyone who hasn’t, he’s on fanfiction dot net/u/1394735/Nate-Mihael; really great takes on Ben, Gwen and the whirlwinds around them), among others, and noticed the influence in my last chapter, so I figure I should acknowledge it out loud. That said, I’m also trying to not appropriate anyone else’s style, so if you think I’m mixing things up too much feel free to call me on it. ;)


	8. Dreams and Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I re-read this chapter a couple days after I posted it and thought I dropped the ball at the end. One of the comments mentioned how the song titles were cheesy attempts at messaging (and thanks for that, by the way!) which got me thinking. I made a mistake in expecting the reader to look up the lyrics I meant to emphasize, that kinda blows the timing of the story. So I'm updating to put them in. Live and learn, right? Thanks for your patience.

Gwen’s Bedroom

April 7, 2000

2:30 AM

_The cool wind whipped at her hair as she dodged another stray tree branch, racing along in the night on a pink disk just below where the trunks of the trees exploded into tangled balls of branches. She risked a quick glance over her shoulder, but didn’t see her pursuer. That didn’t surprise her, though, she knew he was back there, closing in. She smirked to herself, though, she had a few tricks up her sleeve to ditch him. There! She saw the clearing in the barely budding branches she needed coming up, and sent the disk rising through it to get above the tree tops where she could turn on the speed. Just as she did, a green flash lit up the woods, and she laughed, wondering what form it would be this time?_

_As she cleared the tree tops, Gwen angled the disk as she made a hard turn to the left and sped away. She knew her magic would keep her on the disk as she started to zig-zag through the night, but Ben told her once she looked way cooler by tilting it in a turn, and she’d been doing it that way ever since. The thought made her laugh. She looked back expecting to see some flying thing, but he wasn’t there. She knew this was too easy to have gotten away, so she started scanning the sky around her._

_Only to feel something crash into her from below followed by a gleeful “Gotcha!”, making the disk vanish with the shock. She closed her eyes in a moment of panic, until she felt the familiar sensation of arms around her back and underneath her knees, keeping her from falling. She instinctively turned in to whatever it was and wrapped her arms around what she knew would be a neck. Feeling cool, smooth scales, she finally guessed it was Big Chill, and opened her eyes to make sure._

_If Gwen had any doubts the thing was her Doofus, one look at the mass of lenses that made up the bug’s compound eyes revealed the familiar deep green color of his eyes. Seeing that, and feeling the arms supporting her, she felt as secure and safe as she could ever imagine, and she relaxed into the bug’s chest, and looked around._

_To see they were heading straight for the tree branch canopy. When they got within 20 yards, Gwen started shouting “Ben! Ben!! **BEN!!! TURN!!** ”_

_She felt the bug chuckle from its chest into hers, and then he wrapped his wings around her just before hitting the branches... and phased through them as if they weren’t there. He even deliberately fell through the center of a huge tree trunk, the stinker! She hadn’t flown much with this form, and forgot about the phasing - and that anything the wings protected would phase, too. The feeling of passing through solid objects was awesome!_

_They fell another few seconds, and the wings snapped open and buzzed to life just ten feet above the ground in a clear space between some trees, and then lightly touched down._

_The wings stopped, but he didn’t put her down. Instead they stayed there as Gwen laughed in relief, then changing to simple happiness. She felt the bug’s chuffing again, and she wondered if he felt her heart racing. After a few seconds, she said “You can put me down now.”_

_“Nuh-uh.”Chill’s raspy voice said. “Gotta wait to time out. You might still be phasing.” It was a weak excuse, especially since he’d never brought it up when they’d done it before. But Gwen wasn’t in a hurry to let go, either._

_It didn’t matter. Another five seconds went by when they heard the familiar sounds of the Omnitrix timing out, and in a flash of red Ben was back to his human self. But he still didn’t put her down, and Gwen was surprised that he had the strength to keep holding her up. She tightened her arms around his neck and huddled tighter into his chest, only to help him keep his balance, of course. She still felt secure and safe, feeling his heart beating and his deep breaths, and admitted to herself she didn’t want it to stop._

_And then he did put her down, and the scene changed drastically._

_As her feet touched the ground, she felt him push her away, hard enough that she stumbled before she regained her balance. The early spring chill was replaced by a deep, bitter cold, and the branches that had the beginnings of leaves and flowers became dead, almost deadly looking spikes. Gwen turned as her happy, contented smile transformed into a hurt grimace, not comprehending what could make the scene change in such an awful way so suddenly._

_She finished turning and faced Ben, to see the happy boy who’s smile she loved was now staring at the ground with a tragic, broken look, tear tracks running down his cheeks. His stricken look broke her heart, what he said sent her into despair._

_“I thought I knew how you felt. But I was wrong, so I won’t keep hanging on you. I’ll leave you alone now.” He looked up at her with a sad, broken look, whispered “It wasn’t a game”, turned and walked away, shoulders slumped._

_Gwen tried to shout “Ben! No! Come back! I need to talk to you...” but the words wouldn’t come out. She tried to run after him, desperate to turn him around and hug him ‘til he understood how she really felt, but her feet wouldn’t move. As he faded away, she fell to her knees, hands to her face, as she finally was able to sob out “Ben! Don’t leave me! Please don’t...”_

Gwen woke up tangled in the sheet, calling out “... don’t leave! Please don’t go!” She shuddered, then jerked upright with a gasp, and sat in confusion, taking heaving breaths as she adjusted to where she was. Her heart was racing as she recognized her room, weak moonlight filtering through the window. She saw the red numbers of her alarm clock - 2:37. The middle of the night, she barely got four hours of sleep before the nightmare came this time. It was far more intense than the old ones, and it was exhausting. She knew she wouldn’t feel like she slept at all when morning came. She never woke up in such a panic from the “regular” nightmares. The details of the dream, good and bad, were burned into her thoughts.

Why?! What made them start back up? Her situation with Ben had gotten _so_ much better since January. That couldn’t be it, could it? Or was it the bits and pieces she heard of the rumors about her at school, the ones that got more vicious the longer she ignored them? Maybe it was their upcoming trip, and how the one last summer ended so tragically? Whatever it was, the dreams and terrors had made sleep scary and difficult, and were messing with her attitude and concentration during the day. Why couldn’t she make them _stop_?

Even though her heart had stopped hammering, and her breathing was back to almost normal, Gwen was still terrified. Terrified that she wouldn’t get back to sleep. Terrified that if she _could_ , the nightmare would come back.

Terrified that the dream could come _true_.

-X - X - X - 

Gwen’s House

April 7, 2000

6:45 PM

She was trying her best to stop from sliding further into a foul mood. She really was. She stayed quiet while Ben was rambling about an upcoming release of a new Sumo movie after her Dad asked something about plans for this year’s summer trip with Grandpa. She just stared blankly out the window as they drove home. _This has been a really shitty day so far, don’t let it ruin movie night_ , Gwen thought, surprising herself with that particular word. But it was true, and the thought that it ended a string of similarly awful days threatened to put a dark scowl on her face. She was starting to believe life had singled her out and was making her miserable out of spite. It seemed like the days had become one messed up situation after another.

Except karate afternoons. The time she spent with Ben in class, even if all she did was have brief conversations, or watch how he continued to progress, made her feel happy. And it was fun watching him get to know Paul, ever since their birthday. It was more than just his knack for chit chatting with almost anyone, she was happy for him that he was making a friend.

And Fridays had become kinda special. They hadn’t missed one since the beginning of January, even after Uncle Carl had his little freak out. After the Christmas card episode she was suddenly in demand by her classmates, and she did some after school things when she could fit them in. A lot of her time in school and out was spent with Michelle, but Fridays were for _them_ , her and her Doofus. They were something to look forward to at the end of the week.

But today was different. Even after the nightmare, she slept fitfully at best, tossing and turning the rest of the night. By morning the details of the dream were mostly gone, and the nightmare left her with a dull, empty feeling. With that start, she had been feeling off and cranky all day. Even Michelle had commented on it, going so far as asking if she recognized she was acting a bit _bitchy_ , and the rest of _that_ conversation was better left alone. Especially since she had to admit it was true. Every little irritation made her more aggravated, more _prickly_ , to the point that other than her best friend, from lunch on she actively avoided interacting with anyone else. She had hoped karate would improve her attitude. She snorted to herself. So much for _that_.

As they drove, Gwen replayed the events of their class today. She had sparred with Ben for the first time this week, and it hadn’t gone well. She went at him hard and fast, using techniques that he barely had started to learn and were more aggressive than he was used to. She knew he wasn’t ready for them, but she couldn’t seem to stop even as she _tried_ holding herself back, and he didn’t block all her punches very well, taking some glancing hits. They both had gotten used to getting and giving bumps and bruises while practicing, but she knew she gave him some pretty bad ones today. One particular sequence was more than he could defend against, and the last left jab got past him completely unblocked (as it was intended to, actually) and landed almost full force on his right shoulder when she failed to stop it after realizing she had overwhelmed him. It rocked him back a step or two, as he put his left hand up to it with a stunned look in his eyes. One that shifted quickly through anger to a heartbreaking look of hurt, even as she fell back to a ready stance before she realized what she had done. Sensei called the end of class then, and all the kids stopped, turned to him and bowed to acknowledge it. She hurried to straighten up and turned to Ben, and she could see past his rumpled gi that the bruise was already forming. Gwen took a step towards him saying “Oh my god, Doofus, I am so sorry!” completely forgetting how Sensei disliked the word.

His hurt look was immediately replaced with a forced grin as he replied “No worries! I don’t want you going easy on me! I’m OK.” He couldn’t hide the confusion in his eyes, though. Ben straightened up his gi, turned and started walking to the locker room.

Gwen took a step after him and desperately called out “Ben, wait!” He stopped and looked tensely over his left shoulder. “Your Dad will be here in a few minutes. I’m still coming over, right?” he asked with a mostly neutral expression. But the hurt had returned in his eyes, and the fear she hadn’t seen since the beginning of January flashed over his face. She could only nod, and was almost overwhelmed with relief when he relaxed a bit and gave her a tight smile back and said “OK. I’ll be right out.”

She was about to follow when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Gwen turned towards it, to see Paul standing there with a concerned look, dropping his arm. “You might want to let him be for a few minutes. You hammered him pretty hard, you know he’s really close to losing his shit. I’ll bet he’s gonna feel that last one for a couple days. ... Are you OK?”

Gwen ducked her head, unable to answer the question. She soldiered through, though, saying “You heard him, he doesn’t want me giving him a break.” She picked up her head and looked directly at Paul and continued with pride “My Doofus is stronger than you know!” Then she said softly, almost to herself “I have to figure out something to make it up to him.”

Paul nodded but still looked concerned. “Yeah, I know. Ben’s a tough little SOB. The bruises aren’t a problem. But I’m not sure that’s true about how he got them.” She had started to walk to the locker rooms, but turned at his tone and saw him waiting for her to respond to his unanswered question. She so wanted to give him one, but didn’t know what to say. It didn’t matter, there wasn’t time anyway. Instead she said “Don’t worry, Paul, we’ll be fine.”

As she headed to get her stuff, Gwen heard him mutter “I hope so.”

- X- X- X-

They got home and got ready for dinner, pretty much like usual. Her Dad noticed how he was favoring his shoulder when Ben winced at picking up a serving bowl. “Looks like you took more shots than you gave today, Ben. You going to survive?” he asked with a grin. Gwen cringed along with Ben, who ignored the question by answering “Eh, it’s no big deal. I’ve had worse. I was just a little slower than I should have been with a block.” He glanced at her while he was talking, and she caught a glimpse of the same look of fear and hurt he had when class ended. She almost blurted out that she was sorry right then, but gave him what she hoped was an apologetic look instead.

After dinner, when they had gotten to her room, she closed the door and turned to him and locked her eyes with his. “Ben, about this afternoon.” Gwen could feel the blush that went with her embarrassment. “I am so sorry about hitting you like that!”

He stared at her in silence for a few seconds, then asked “Yeah, what was _that_ about? Even last summer you didn’t go after me like that.” They both grimaced at the memory of _that_ fight... “I almost thought you were pissed off at me, but I don’t know why...” The confusion on his face made her feel miserable.

“ _No_! You haven’t done anything!” Gwen walked to her bed and sat down on the edge, looking at the floor. “I can’t explain, I don’t know why I acted like that...” Her voice fell, and she could feel her eyes welling up. “I didn’t sleep much last night. I’ve been on edge for days, and today was the _worst_! _Everything_ set me off today.”

Ben sat down next to her on her left, facing her. “Even me, huh?” and he laughed softly. “Go figure.”

She looked up with relief at his reaction. “ _Especially_ you, Doofus! I’ve told you before that you’re always messing things up!” She looked at his shoulder, and gasped when she saw the edge of an ugly purple-blue splotch underneath the loose collar of his T-shirt. “I didn’t think it would be that bad!” she whispered.

Ben tried to brush it off “Pssh! Like I told your Dad, it isn’t.”, but he flinched as she brought her left hand up to it. She placed it gently over the bruise and whispered for her magic and her hand lit up with a soft pink glow.

“At least I can make it hurt a little less. I really am sorry!” she sad softly, as the glow surrounded his shoulder. She was relieved when Ben waved his hand and said “Don’t worry about it.” When she took her hand off and tugged the collar of his shirt out of the way a little, the splotch was visibly faded. He still winced, but said “Yeah, that’s better.”

He looked up from his shoulder with concern on his face and in his voice. “How long have you been having them?”

“Have wha...” she tried to argue, but he cut her off.

“Dweeb. Please!” he said with a little snort, and a raised eyebrow. “I know what you’re feeling. The nightmares?” as he raised the pitch of his voice a little.

“A little over a week.” Gwen was looking at the floor again, but something about how he said that made her pick her head up. “Are you having them too?”

He shrugged. “I get ‘em once in a while still.” He stopped as if thinking what to say next. Then “If I’d known, I would have brought Furry Freddy!” he grinned.

His attempt to cut the tension worked, Gwen laughed and said “I’ll let you know if I need him again!”

“Got any new songs? I don’t feel like playing Sumo, and I don’t have a movie ready. Unless you brought one?”

“Nah, I don’t have one either. I’ve got a couple new songs I recorded, though, and some others I’ve been thinking about. You can help me decide which to do. Let me see your computer.”

This time it was Gwen who snorted. “What do you need _that_ for?”

“Just let me use it.” Ben sighed. She unlocked it and started a new browser, and he sat at her desk and started typing. In a minute or so he finished, faced her and made a show of pushing the Return key and said “Vy-ola” with a smirk. Gwen had arranged the pillows like usual and was just sitting back in her normal place when she heard that. “It’s pronounced ‘wa-LA’, you dork! Your brain bugs know that!” she giggled.

“Yeah, but I hate the sour cherry taste I get when they’re working.”

“That’s what you taste? I get a kinda buttery flavor when I use French.

_Êtes-vous sûr de les utiliser correctement?_ ”

“ _Oui, je sais comment fonctionnent les bugs!_ ” Ben replied with an eye roll as he sat back next to her. “Can we listen now?”

As they were talking, his version of _Til I Hear It From You_ started playing out of her computer’s speakers. Gwen shot him a surprised look, “What are using to do that?”

He smirked again. “Napster. Duh! You’re not the only one who knows how to use the Internet.”

She opened her mouth to say something, thought better of it, and simply said “ _Touché_ ”.

“Stop that! I told you I hate that taste!” with a mock frown. He snorted, then they both broke out in giggles.

Then she leaned back and closed her eyes to let his music take over. The song finished, followed by _Everlong_. He did a great job with both, although she would still prefer to have him play for her. The dinky speakers couldn’t do justice to the music, but it was better than her phone. Even though she recognized the tunes, she couldn’t remember all the lyrics. It didn’t matter right now. Ben told her he didn’t pay attention to the words to a song. Most of the time. She still wondered if there wasn’t a message there, anyway.

_Everlong_ finished, and Ben said “Let me know what you think of this next one.” A guitar instrumental started up, but he wasn’t playing it. It had a fast, bouncy sound that grew on her as she listened. “That’s ... kinda cool, actually. Not your usual style, though.”

“Yeah, I heard it on the radio a couple times and I got hooked. It’s called _Cliffs of Dover_. Awesome guitar work!”

“You can do that! You should definitely learn it! It’s a happy song!”

“Uh huh. I thought you could use a few. Wait for the bridge, though...” In a moment the melody changed, and a solo started that turned out to be way cool, but really tricky. “That’s gonna take a while...”

There were a bunch more like it, a mix of his songs (without the ‘sob fest’ ones, thanks for _that_ small mercy!), 80s and 90s rock and a few more guitar instrumentals, in a playlist Ben called ‘Mindless happy songs for the Dweeb’. The little brat! But they worked. After her horrifying nightmares, and prickly, aggravating day at school, and the nagging, _strange_ feelings she’d been experiencing lately, her Doofus had done it again. Made her feel good, even after she smacked him around, after she _hurt_ him. Gwen thought again that she needed to make that up to him, but now it was more than apologizing. She wanted to do something _nice_ for him, they way he did for her.

Gwen shifted on her bed, bringing her feet up under her legs, and ended up leaning against his left shoulder.Her right arm ended up on top his left, and she put her hand on his arm just above the Omnitrix. Ben didn’t seem to mind, so that’s how they listened to the music, occasionally talking quietly about whether or not he should learn whatever was playing. The conversation didn’t really matter.

Aunt Sandy got there a little before 10:00, so they got up to go downstairs. Gwen gave him a quick hug and started to say “I’m sorry” again, but Ben stopped her. “I know, you don’t need to keep saying it. Just don’t do it again, or you’ll be looking up at the ceiling!” He smirked at her outraged smile, and they walked down the stairs.

Ben winced as he put on his jacket, and his Mom said “Ben! _Another_ bruise?” Her Daddy snorted and said “Yeah, must be a bad one, Sandy, it kept him from taking thirds!” Ben just groaned and rolled his eyes as her aunt started out the door, saying “Lili, Frank, thanks again for having him. Bye, Gwen!”

Before he could follow Gwen grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze and said “See you later!”He squeezed back saying “Not if I see you first!”, and looked very pleased with himself.

When she went back to her room, she wondered again how she went from having such a bad day to feeling good, and not worried about having the nightmare tonight. What was it about having him here? For no good reason she thought again if there was some message in the songs, and she couldn’t help looking up the lyrics to the two new ones, and started the playlist again. _There couldn’t be_ , she thought, _he’s not that complex_. What you see is what you get with Ben Tennyson. That’s what she thought a year ago, anyway. But he’d surprised her a lot since last summer. As the music played and she read the words, the confusion she thought was fading wasn’t gone after all.  
  


_Come down_

_And waste away with me_

_Down with me_

_Slow how_

_You wanted it to be_

_I'm over my head_

_Out of her head she sang_

_And I wonder_

_When I sing along with you_

_If everything could ever feel this real forever_

_If anything could ever be this good again_

_The only thing I'll ever ask of you_

_You gotta promise not to stop when I say when she sang_

“Oh, Doofus”, she whispered to herself “what are you doing to me?”, and felt a tear slide down her cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music for this chapter:  
> Everlong by the Foo Fighters  
> Til I Hear It From You by the Gin Blossoms  
> Cliffs of Dover by Eric Johnson
> 
> In the background while I was writing:  
> Cryin’ by Joe Satriani, and Crazy for This Girl by Evan and Jaron


	9. Family Secrets

Ben’s house

April 8th, 2000

9:27 AM

He was dimly aware of the buzzing noise until it started getting louder, gradually forcing awareness on him. The noise continued to slowly grow louder, not so much it hurt, but really annoying, and then started to fade so that he could almost ignore it again. Then the cycle repeated, and by the third or fourth time - it was hard to keep track, as his awareness faded in and out with the buzz, and who cared anyway? - he had almost been able to ignore it altogether as it substituted for normal. Then the second buzz started, different than the first in pitch and volume, and the volume stayed at a louder, more obnoxious level. The two combined made him clench his jaw in growing irritation, until Ben finally opened one eye just enough to see bright sunlight flooding his room through the window. He woke up slowly, the twin buzzes filling his ears, and turned his head so it faced the nightstand next to his bed. Opening the other eye, he had to try to focus on the clock, the blur finally going away so he could see the time. 9:30. He groaned as the twin buzzes got louder and he finally figured out what they were. “Shit! Can’t old man Baumann get his yard crew to start a little later?” he mumbled into his pillow.

Ben rolled onto his back and stretched his body from his feet up to his hands, pushing his arms over his head. And immediately regretted it, as his right shoulder throbbed with a dull pain. He cringed, and it wasn’t from that pain. Yep, it wasn’t a nightmare, the Dweeb had in fact kicked his ass during karate yesterday. Or more like used him as a speed bag, the pain in his shoulder was only the worst of the various bruises he had on his arms and ribs from too many partial blocks to her blizzard of punches and strikes. _Feet of Fury my ass_ , he thought, _she was all fists yesterday._ She knew he was just getting up to speed with the moves they were supposed to be _practicing_. And what the hell got into her in the first place?

As he rolled out of bed and got to his feet, Ben wondered again at what he could have done that would make Gwen do that. Still nothing. She apologized over and over, and he knew she meant them just as he knew how badly her nightmares were affecting her. But as true as that was, he couldn’t help but wonder what else was true that she wouldn’t say. Was she that annoyed that he was a green belt now, like her? That he was catching up to her? It wasn’t the first time he thought she was angry he tried to be as good as she was.

Ben shook his head. That wasn’t it.He knew it wasn’t, after all the times she had helped him practice, and the way she looked at him and smiled from ear to ear when he finished his test, and again when Sensei gave him the new green belt. Those weren’t her fake smiles. So what was it that kept nagging the back of his mind?

He walked the couple of feet to his dresser, where his T shirt and jeans lay in a ball on the floor where he threw them last night. He was tired when he got home and it was too much trouble to even stuff them in a drawer. He didn’t feel bad about staying a bit later than usual at her house, though, each Friday night seemed to be getting longer by 5 or 10 minutes lately. He got a small grin at that thought. As soon as he started to take his pajamas shirt off, it transformed into a wince, and he looked at his shoulder in the mirror as he dropped the shirt at his feet. Even though it was still an ugly purple with yellow-green dots where her knuckles hit, and hurt like hell, he knew it would have been even worse if she hadn’t used her magic to make it start healing sooner than nature would normally allow. _Figures_ , he thought, _I get a wicked gross bruise and I can’t really show it off. Evil witch!_

As he was admiring the reflection he heard a single knock on his door, and his Dad opened it and came in saying “Up and at ‘em, Sport, you can’t stay in bed... all ... morning.” with a laugh, obviously a bit disappointed that Ben was already up. Then it was him grimacing at the sight of his son’s shoulder. “Holy... That’s worse than I expected! Your Mom said you must have taken a good shot, but she didn’t know it was like that! Who’d you get that ticked off at you? Gwen?”

Ben just frowned and said “Pssht!” Not really a no.

“Wasn’t Paul, was it? Or that other big kid with a blue belt, Steve, was it? I keep telling you if you don’t dial back the snark with them they’re gonna let you have it!” Dad grinned.

Ben groaned a little as he pulled his T-shirt on, “I was just a little slow blocking a punch. Like any of them could do this if I was paying attention!”

“Hmpf. Maybe paying attention would be worth while, ya know? Anyway, come on downstairs, we need to stock up on stuff at Costco today, and I don’t want to be there when the afternoon crowd hits.” He closed the door and went back downstairs.

Ben finished changing and put on his sneakers with a mixed grin. He didn’t really want to spend a couple hours wandering around getting jumbo packages of paper towels, canned tomato sauce, and junk like that. On the other hand, he could usually get a pretty good afternoon snack from all the food samples! He remembered not to shrug. Take the good with the bad. He picked up his phone and looked in the mirror before heading down to the kitchen, and almost tried to smooth down his hair before giving himself a sly grin and said “Nah! Already awesome!”

He did his usual controlled crash down the stairs, and laughed at the expected “Ben! How many times do I have to tell you to not run on the stairs!” from his Mom.

“Don’t know, we’re both still alive!” he called back. And laughed some more when she groaned “Ben...”

He poured a double helping of cereal in a large bowl along with some milk, and grabbed the carton of strawberries next to the OJ. He settled down to eat when his Dad spoke up from where he stood by the coffee maker “And _that’s_ why we need to make a Costco run. Better get _three_ cereal packages.”, knowing full well that each package had two extra large boxes. Ben just shot him a dirty look as he shoveled in a heaping spoonful out of spite. Made him gag, and Dad chuckled.

While he was eating, Ben’s phone started vibrating, making a racket as it resonated on the countertop, and playing the text alarm. Thinking it might be his Dweeb, he jerked his left arm to pick it up and just about dumped his glass of orange juice when the watch bumped it, earning him a raised eyebrow and a shake of the head from his Dad. Flipping the thing open, he was surprised the message wasn’t from Gwen after all. Instead the display read **Paul** , with a message underneath.

  * **Hey Shorty, I’ve got some free time this afternoon, want to find out how not to be her punching bag on Monday?**



He let out a low, surprised “No way!” that Dad picked up. “Something wrong, Sport?”

Ben recovered from the surprise, saying “Um, no, it’s Paul. You remember, you met him when I got my green belt? He’s been helping me with some new stuff, right, and he wants to know if I want to practice this afternoon.” He gave the idea a few seconds’ thought, then asked “Can he come over instead of me going with you guys?” He tried the puppy dog look, but wasn’t sure he pulled it off. But his Dad looked at his Mom, she looked at him and back to his Dad, and nodded with a smile. “Why not? He seems like a nice guy. Unless he’s the one who gave you that sore shoulder?” she added with a semi-fierce growl.

Meanwhile Ben had tapped out

  * **And you want to know how she’s doing, too. ;) Im checking**



He looked up at Mom and said “No, it wasn’t him. Practicing with him is fun, not a pain.” Not as good as with Gwen, but he knew she was busy today. “Can I?”

This time Dad answered “Yeah, sure. We’ll go after he gets here. What time?”

Ben looked back at the phone.

**Paul**

  * **Yeah, that too. You got me**



and grinned as he punched out

  * **Uh huh. My parents say OK, what time?**



**Paul**

  * **How about 1**



“Is one o’clock ok?”

His Dad thought for a second and replied “OK. We’ll be gone for a couple hours, you guys have fun.” Ben grinned and said “Thanks!” and turned back to his phone.

  * **Cool!**



**Paul**

  * **Great. Send me your address, see you at 1**



\- X - X - X -

The door bell rang a few minutes before 1, and Ben called out “I’ll get it” as he crashed down the stairs. Pulling open the door, he saw Paul laughing to himself before saying “Hey Squirt!” Ben cut off whatever he was going to say with “Hey! Geez, you haven’t come inside yet and you already have that look like I just fell flat on my, er, butt.What’s funny?” A quick sideways glance let him know his Mom was about to say something about his language before he caught himself. She was walking to the door to greet his friend.

Paul walked in saying “The wreck I heard before you opened the door!Either you’ve got elephants dancing upstairs or that was your graceless a”, and he must have picked up on Mom’s attitude because he shifted words in mid-sentence “um, tail banging down the stairs.”

Ben closed the door and turned around to see both his parents there, Dad reaching out his hand saying “Hello, Paul, good to see you again.” Paul shook it, “Yeah, you too. Thanks for letting me come over. Gotta make sure your boy knows how to defend himself!” he said with a smirk. “Hi, Mrs Tennyson.”

Both his parents returned the smirk, and his Mom said “Hi, Paul. You’ll be careful with him, right, he’s a bit fragile!”, playing along.

“Hey! I’m standing right here!”

“No worries, I’ve got lots of gauze pads to wrap my hands in. I’ll use bubble wrap if you have any, though!” Paul was happy to keep the game going another round, and his Dad laughed while Ben glared at all of them.

“Sure! Always pick on the little guy...” he grumbled.

His Dad grabbed the keys to the mini-van as his Mom put on a light jacket. “We’ll be out for a couple hours. There’s stuff for snacks in the kitchen, just clean up whatever mess you make this time?” She kissed the top of his head and said “Have fun!” Ben made a half-effort to dodge it, and groaned out “Mom!”, making the word sound like it had three or four syllables. His Dad followed up “I keep telling you, it’s easier if you just go with it. Be good.” They walked out the door, and Ben made sure it was closed before turning around.

“Your parents are pretty cool” Paul said.

“I guess, even though you made it to the top of their favorite list in record time.”

“Stop whinging, dude, it’s undignified!” They both laughed. Paul continued “So where can we practice? Indoors...?” He was looking around, but the family room and dining room were clearly wrong. “Or your back yard? It isn’t cold, really, and I plan to keep you busy.”

Ben replied “Yeah, we’ve got enough space on the back lawn. And one of us will be busy dodging, that’s for sure!” and gave Paul a scornful smirk as he led the way to the back yard.

One he had reason to rethink after about 15 minutes. Paul started with doing each move Gwen used yesterday at half speed, one at a time, and progressed to full speed. Ben was able to keep up, although there were a few punches to his ribs, and of course to the shoulder, that were fairly new to him so his blocks and counters lacked precision and speed. Still, he was huffing pretty good, and they paused to catch their breaths. Paul ended up giving him a few stiff taps to some bruises from yesterday, but nothing he couldn’t handle, so he said “These aren’t as hard as I thought yesterday. How come she got past me?”

Paul grinned and said “You mean how did she whip your scrawny tail?” and laughed, the dirtbag, when Ben complained that wasn’t what happened at all. “Yeah, she did, I was right behind you two and saw the whole sorry episode! ... Seriously, here’s how. You’re used to working on individual moves and simple sequences - punch, block, counter, like that. Now you need to think about sets of sequences, and the goal - well, one of ‘em, anyway - is to confuse and overwhelm and set up your opponent, to score points. The first punch or kick you throw isn’t necessarily meant to land, it’s a bonus if it does. But if it’s part of a sequence, it’s meant to open you up to a later move. See what I’m getting at?”

“You mean like what she did at the end of class?”

“Yeah, exactly. So let’s go through that series a few times, half speed, OK?”

They spent another twenty minutes with Paul pointing out the details of his explanation for each move, and how they were put together to score match points. By the end, they were going at it full speed, and Ben took a few more lumps, even though Paul was being careful. He finally called quits when he threw the same series Gwen did, but at Ben’s left shoulder, with almost the same result. His punch got through, but Paul stopped it an inch before he connected.

They were both breathing hard again, but Ben still got out the words between gasps “Why’d you stop? I don’t want you taking it easy on me!”

Paul smirked “You want me to hit you full force? I had you dead to rights, and I outweigh you by twenty pounds easy. Not bragging, but that would have hurt way more than what Gwen did yesterday. The point was to show you that was a set specifically meant for competition, or for an honest to god fight, not to put you on the ground.” He took a deep breath. “Besides, I don’t want to face your Dad after smacking you full force. What I said to you goes for me too, I don’t really want him mad at me.”

They got their breathing back to normal, and Paul continued “I could use something to drink?”

Ben grinned “Me too, and maybe something to eat. Come on.” He led Paul back into the kitchen and opened the fridge. “Take what you like, I think we have soda in the garage, too.”

Paul grinned at seeing packs of Capri Sun and said “I haven’t had these in ages!” as he grabbed two. Ben said “Get a couple for me, too” and got a pack of cookies out of a cabinet. They sat at the counter and attacked their snacks. After finishing one of the drink packets Paul caught Ben’s eye and finally asked what he’d been dreading since morning.

“Now that I showed you what Gwen did, you understand how she got to you, right? That sequence was meant to score points and it almost always works. You did good, I’ve seen brown belts get beat by it.” Ben just kept a steady gaze and nodded at the end. Here it comes...

“So do you know what’s bothering her? I’ve never seen her get that close to losing control, and she clearly wasn’t mad at you. She looked like crap before class, too. Something’s got her messed up. Any clues?” He looked seriously worried, so Ben said quietly “I’d rather not go into it here”, the kitchen was too public even if they were alone in the house. “My game console is in my room if we’re gonna play.”

Ben threw away the trash, then started up the stairs. On the way Paul noticed the various pictures on the wall, and stopped briefly to look closely at one. It was a group shot of his family and Gwen’s when they were maybe 8, and even though they could hardly deal with each other then they were standing side by side. Which had given him a chance to sneak up his fingers behind her head. His Mom and Dad thought it was hilarious, but she had been furious!

Paul kept going but grinned and commented “You gave her rabbit ears in that? Nice one, Squirt!”

Ben returned the grin and said “We were 8 years old, give me a break!” Then he thought _Oh shit, that’s a family picture! Don’t ask, don’t ask, please don’t ask!_ Paul just kept climbing the stairs, though.

When they got to his room, Ben took a breath and started to explain “I’m not blowing off your question. We hung out last night like usual. What?!” he asked, scowling as Paul got a shit eating grin. He sat down on the edge of his bed and put his hands flat by his sides. Paul sat in the desk chair facing him and replied “Nothing! I think it’s great that you guys do that, is all!”

Ben kept going “My Dwee...” He caught himself staring at the floor, but there wasn’t any reason to look away. Paul knew they were friends. He looked right at him. “My Dweeb apologized, more than once. She told me she didn’t sleep much, so she was kinda out of it during class. She just forgot.” That wasn’t the whole story, of course, but talking about the nightmares would only bring up _other_ questions, that he couldn’t explain. And they were personal, between _them_. They didn’t even tell Grandpa the details.

“You believe her?” Paul leaned forward, his elbows on his thighs.

“Yeah. You’re right, she wasn’t mad at me. She told me so.” Ben shrugged. That was pretty much all there was to say. He wasn’t going to bring up his doubts. No point.

“So she’s OK? She had me worried there. You’re good?” Ben could tell Paul had more on his mind, but was glad his new friend was OK with the answer and didn’t push it.

“Yeah. And don’t worry. I’ll watch out for her.”

“I don’t doubt it! Guess you two are meant to watch each other’s back, huh?” Paul said with a relieved look and sat back in the chair.

Ben got a slight smile and agreed “That’s what we do!” He stood up and said “We’ve got about an hour before my parents get back. Want to play something? I’ve got Sumo loaded!” he added with a smirk.

Paul dramatically fell face forward to the desk with his hands at his head, “I can’t believe you rot your brain with that crap!” He looked up and turned to face Ben “I brought my Medal of Honor cartridge if you want to try something that requires skill and intelligence, but I’ll show you the error of your ways with _that_ if you insist!”

Then he saw the guitar and amp tucked between the desk and bed, pointed to it and asked “Do you play that thing, or is it neglected by your unnatural infatuation with shitty games?”

Ben glared back, holding back his smirk, “I can do both! And I’ll show you how shitty it isn’t if...” but Paul was looking intently at his guitar now.

“Those are pretty heavy gauge strings.” He looked at Ben’s hands, then back. “You don’t have fingernails, do you pick or just do chords?”

“Um, both. I had lighter strings but I kept breaking them.” He got a little embarrassed, not enough to blush though. Until he thought of the first night he played for Gwen, and busted the string on a crazy power chord. He felt the heat start then. “You play, too?”

Paul just kept looking and asked “Yeah, I fool around with mine. Mind if I try it? I like to hear what different models sound like.”

“Yeah, sure. Everything should be plugged in.”

Paul leaned over and flipped the power switch and the amp started to hum softly. He picked up the guitar and slung the strap over his shoulder while he stood up. He strummed all the strings, when Ben said “You can turn the volume up a little since no one else is home. My parents like to complain about _noise_.” he snorted with some disgust.

Paul did, then straightened up. Ben didn’t know what to expect, but it _wasn’t_ what Paul did. He started slowly picking a scale, starting with his hand on the fretboard next to the tuning pegs and working down to the body. As he moved down the fretboard he increased the speed of the notes until his fingers were flying over the frets and the strings over the pickups. He went up and down the scale, changed keys at least twice, and went directly into an intricate piece of music that Ben knew he’d heard before, but couldn’t place.He was gobsmacked at the way Paul was playing, recognizing how the boy was concentrating as he played - Gwen described his own face once when he was shredding a song. He had to have looked like that! Ben couldn’t help smiling as Paul finished, and the older boy looked up with a grin.

“I like it! A little darker sound than mine, but nice.”

“No kidding! That was amazing! How long have you been playing? And what was that?”

“Um, let me think... something like six or seven years. You don’t recognize the song? How about now?” He started playing, something familiar, but... Then it hit him, and Ben called out “ _My_ _Sharona_?! Are you serious?!” Paul played softer but didn’t stop “Yeah, hang on” and then played louder at the solo and just wailed! He stopped when the solo was over and looked at Ben. “I swear the Knack wrote that POS song just for the solo! Most people switch the station when it comes on the radio and miss it!”

He unslung the strap and held it out to a Ben. “Your turn. Show me what you got.”

Ben felt his cheeks burn for real and crossed his arms. Playing when someone else besides his Dweeb was listening? He’d never done that, except for a time or two for his parents, and the prank when Gwen brought Army Girl over, and they didn’t count. “No, I don’t sound as good as that...”

“Pffft! So what? Playing for yourself is OK, but performing is almost always better. That’s the point of being a guitar hero, right? Isn’t it more fun when Gwen is rocking out with you?”

Ben’s jaw dropped and he took a step forward. “How do you know about that?! Did _she_ tell you? What did she _say_?!”

Paul started laughing. “Whoa, cool your jets dude! Holy sheepshit! ... I didn’t know anything until a few seconds ago! I was making a joke, your reaction told me it was true!” He finished laughing and asked “So what do you play for her?”, and wiped at his eye with the heel of his right hand, holding the guitar out again with his left.

Ben rolled his eyes and thought what the hell, took his axe and slung it over his shoulder with a wince, and mumbled “I hate you”. His friend just barked out another laugh. “Sure! Start with something you play a lot.”

Without really thinking about it, Ben started the song that got him into playing in the first place, _Detroit Rock City._ He got past the intro all right, but fumbled a little from lingering doubt that he would play well enough. He looked up, saw Paul nod encouragement, and kept at it. He was over any doubts by the time he got to the solo and nailed it! He finished the song, then a second Kiss tune naturally followed. He stopped at the end, letting the strap hold the weight of his guitar and looked to see Paul’s reaction.

Which was as good as he hoped it would be. Paul had his good natured grin plastered on his face and said “What were you being shy about? Those were good! So you’re part of the Kiss Army, huh? Do you know anything more recent?”

Ben explained “Yeah, I got this after I saw them at a concert when I was eight, and learned a bunch of their stuff. But I’ve been picking up new songs, too.” He strummed across all the strings once, tapped out a tempo with his left foot, and launched into _Follow You Down_ , dancing his fingers across the strings, remembering what it was like when he first played it for her. When he finished the smile he had almost hurt.

Paul took notice of that and guessed “She likes that one, right? C’mon, ‘fess up!” and grinned. Ben felt the heat return to his face but nodded. “Yeah. Gwen said she liked it when we heard it on the radio once, so I learned it. Then I got a Gin Blossoms cassette and learned a few more.”

“So you’re expanding your repertoire, good for you! Different style of playing, huh?”

“Reper...? Oh, right. Yeah, I’m adding to my playlist. Not just them, either.” Ben unslung the guitar, handed it to Paul. “Your turn.” he said with a little smirk.

Paul took the challenge, “OK, how about this...” and ripped out _Hey Jealousy_ so rambunctiously that Ben was almost afraid he’d have to replace a string after all. When that song finished, Paul asked “Do you like Foo Fighters?”, and played _There Goes My Hero_. Ben continued to be amazed at how Paul played, as well as the fact he played at all. Who’d have guessed they’d have this in common, too? When Paul finished he had a far away look in his eyes for a few seconds, then grinned and slipped off the strap. “Back atcha!”

 _This game was more fun than Sumo_ , Ben thought with surprise. Well, maybe not more, but different. “Yeah, I like some of their stuff” and did _Everlong_. He finished and asked “How’s that?”

“Pretty good, Shorty, pretty good!” Paul replied, leaning now against his dresser. He raised an eyebrow and asked “Have you played that for Gwen?” 

“Yeah, why?”

“The guitar riffs and vocal line are cool, but have you looked at the words? Lots of ways to interpret them. You’re not worried she’’ll think that’s kind of a _couple-ey_ thing?” Paul gave him a sly grin. “You might want to be careful about the lyrics more, you know she’ll look them up. Think she won’t be looking for hidden meanings?” He stopped for a second, waiting for a reaction.

Ben’s thoughts started racing. Damn, they agreed they wouldn’t _do_ that! Since when did she stop over-thinking things, though. His cheeks were burning now. _Aw, man!_

Paul laughed at his realization. “Uh huh. I’m not saying you should stop new songs for her, just know what you’re putting out there. Give it here, let me show you something a little less prone to _misunderstanding_.“

After transferring the instrument again, Paul tapped out a tempo and started a tune Ben knew he hadn’t heard before, definitely not his style. He would have skipped over it if he heard it in the radio, it was slower and didn’t rely on power chords, and there wasn’t a lot of picking until the bridge, more like using chords instead of single notes. Hard to explain, but it grew on him. Paul finished it, and explained “That’s more modern surf music from Los Straightjackets, the tune is _Pacifica_. I know, not your usual thing, but it’s good to do some different stuff now and then. Helps build technique. And it’s an instrumental, no lyrics to misinterpret.” He cocked his to the left “Get my drift?”

Paul didn’t wait for an answer. “Then there’s this” and started a faster paced, more bouncy tune with lots of chord work and picking. Ben recognized it, he had played the original version at her house last night, _Cliffs of Dover_. He grinned at the memory and said “I know that one! I played the radio version for Gwen yesterday, she said I should learn it!”

Paul must have heard him because he started grinning like a maniac, and was almost at the bridge when Mom appeared in the doorway. Followed by his Dad, and both were frowning, and Mom was complaining “... told you to not have the volume so high, Ben!”

Then she stopped talking, Paul stopped playing, and only the amp made any noise for a second. Then Ben almost shouted “Mom! Dad! We didn’t hear you come in!” while Paul was apologizing “Sorry, it’s my fault! I was playing with a little too much enthusiasm” at the same time, and Mom and Dad just stood there in shock.

Dad spoke first “No! No, don’t be sorry. We’re just not used to hearing Ben’s guitar, let alone being played by someone besides him. That was really good!”

Then it was Mom’s turn “Um, yeah, I liked that, and the one before it. That was you, too?”

Paul grinned at the praise. “Thanks! Yeah, that was me. But Squirt here has been showing off how multi-talented he is with his hands, between karate and making music.”

His parents laughed at that, and Mom said “Really? We don’t get to hear him play much.” giving him a funny look. “How’d you manage that?”

“I just played off his cockiness, I asked if he was a guitar hero and, well, here we are!” Paul’s smirk was pure evil, and Ben’s glare would have blistered paint if there was any heat to it.

“Still picking on the little guy, I see!” he grumbled. Everyone else laughed, then Paul said “Now’s your chance, dude, show ‘em something.”

He thought for a moment. “Well, Dad said he wanted to hear this. Kind of a buzzkill, so remember you asked for it.” And Ben started the prank routine. His Mom just gasped and clamped her mouth closed, Dad looked puzzled, and he couldn’t read Paul’s expression. Again, though, he got the pained expression from Dad and Paul at the start of _Everybody Cries_ , then explosions of laughter from both after the chorus of _Kung Fu Fighting_! Mom joined in, and by the time he hit the bridge Paul had fallen on his bed in a fit!

They all had a good laugh at the end, with his Dad saying “Yeah, that fits as one your epic pranks! Good one, Sport!” His parents turned to leave, and his Mom closed the door saying “Turn the volume down a little, too, OK?” As his parents walked down the hall Mom said “First his cousin, now this? What’s got into that boy?” with another laugh.

Paul was still laughing as Ben froze, then took the strap off and leaned his axe against the bed. He turned to the window and crossed his arms.

“That’s what you two kept giggling about last week? You were both really irritating, but now I get it! Awesome! ... All right, give it here, let’s see what else we can do...”

Paul looked at him then, and got a concerned look. “What’s wrong? I thought you were doing good, this was fun!”

Ben turned, and put his right hand to the back of his head, then looked towards where his Mom had been talking. “It was, but...” He grimaced back at Paul, and saw him connect some dots in his head.

“Ah. Gwen is the cousin, huh?” he said in a neutral tone.

Ben let his hand drop, feeling helpless, and fell sitting on his bed. His head dropped as he wondered how he could explain this. Up tp now his family relationship with her had never been said out loud around the dojo, there was always the possibility, however unlikely, they only had the same last name. Now Paul was going to know the truth, about his sick feelings about her. There was no way to avoid it though, Ben saw how Paul had stared at the photo in the stairs of both families together when they were little, and now his mom of all people had let the cat out of the bag. That would have been hilarious if it were about someone else’s cousin.

He nodded and then looked directly at Paul and said simply, but with a trace of pride, “Yeah. She is.” He expected to hear some kind of outraged surprise, shock, a snarky comment about keeping it in the family, or some similar expression of disgust. Paul just kind of stared, and before he could say anything Ben added softly “You didn’t know that?” and stared at his shoes.

Paul’s expression changed, but not the way Ben thought it would, as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. Instead of being grossed out, Paul was... thinking? Whatever was going through his head, after what seemed like a long time, the older boy just said “I guess I never really thought about it.”

Ben started to shout, then remembered where he was and kept his voice down, and wrapped his arms around his stomach. “That doesn’t _bother_ you?” leaning forward a little. “That we’re cousins, and we, I ... Well, you know.”

Paul shrugged and said “Um, no. Should it? You’re not brother and sister.” That was a statement, but it somehow made Ben burn even harder from his shoulders up and shudder a little. “Wha?!”

Paul struggled to not burst out laughing at Ben’s shock. “Geez, that’s priceless! You can’t be, you have different parents, dumbass!” He cocked his head to his right “You’re too easy to get to!” And then he did laugh, the way he did when he heard a good story at the dojo, not loud, and not mean. “Look, I know what you’re getting at, but no, it doesn’t bother me. Why should it?” His grin faded as he kept on talking “I don’t really know what you two mean to each other - I still think you’re more than friends, but that’s just me - but don’t let some _ignorant_ way of thinking mess with your head.” He smirked. “Lord knows there’s too many stripped gears in there as it is!”

Ben looked up at him in relief. “Really?”

Paul snorted “Really really. And don’t worry, I won’t say anything about this. Anywhere. Not my story to tell.” He stuck his hand in his right front pocket and came out with a game cartridge. “Someone will be coming around to get me in forty minutes or so, that’ll give me plenty of time to kick your ass, if you’re _game_.” He smirked again at his pun and held the cartridge out.

Ben groaned as he felt the smile spread across his face, stood up and took it. “That was lame! I’m gonna make you pay for that!” and walked to the game console on his dresser.


	10. Delayed Blues

Rising Phoenix Dojo

April 17, 2000

3:50 PM

Gwen had a decent case of jitters as her Mom maneuvered the mini-van into a spot in front of the dojo. She’d felt it off and on over the weekend, ever since Sensei had asked her and Paul if they could be early to class today. Friday’s class had gone well, at least for her, and if he were going to talk to her about the episode with Ben he wouldn’t have waited ‘till now. And he wouldn’t include Paul; when he gave serious criticism Sensei would do it one on one. That left an obvious topic, one she was equally nervous about. She almost missed Mom’s goodbye as she got out of the car.

“Have fun, Gwen! See you after class.”

Gwen turned and gave her a quick smile “Yeah, OK, bye Mom!” and shut the door carefully. Mom didn’t like it to slam closed.

She stashed her windbreaker and gym bag in the locker room, and walked back into the main room of the dojo. She was early enough that there were only a couple other kids in her class there, sitting along the wall intent on school homework. Gwen headed to the opposite wall to wait when Paul came out of the boys locker room behind her and called “Hey Gwen!” She stopped and turned to see him walking her way with the infectious grin that was almost a trademark for him. Of course it made her grin back. _Almost like the Doofus’_ she thought, except he usually got her into a full smile.

As he caught up to her, Gwen turned and fell in step with him. “Been a while since we’ve both been here this early, huh?” he said as they walked.

They stopped near the wall at the edge of the mat, standing a few feet from each other. Gwen suddenly realized he was right; before last summer she had more often than not gotten there as soon as school let out, and even though she often used the time before class to help Ben practice his white and yellow belt skills, there were other times when Paul got there first and they chit chatted away the slack time before class started. He always had some story to tell, and there was usually a small mob of classmates clustered around them by the time class started. It wasn’t until last fall that Gwen started lingering after school, after she asked her Mom to pick her up fifteen or twenty minutes later so she could keep her friend company. Michelle explained that as the Colonel’s wife her mom had social responsibilities even though the new base was still being put together, and it was hard to get to the school right when it let out. It was great hanging out with Michelle and her brothers - her “little gremlins” were so cute! - but now she kind of missed the before-karate hang out time.

While that thought played out, Paul had his own spell of looking around the mostly empty room, she noticed. They both snapped out of their momentary awkwardness, with Paul somewhat hesitantly saying “So, how’s life?” Which was a little odd, coming from him. What sounded like a standard throwaway line took on more meaning, what with the earnest look he was giving her.

“Not bad. Busy. School is starting to wind down, with finals coming up. I know they’re not the same as what you’re used to, but still.” She scowled, “Geometry is trickier than I expected. Proofs!” She spat out the last word and shuddered, remembering the aftermath of _that_ test. “How about you?”

“Yeah, busy as a one-legged man at an ass kicking contest! I know what you mean about geometry, not my favorite either.” Paul’s expression took on more concern “Sooo, is that what got to you?”

Gwen knew she’d have to deal with him about _that episode_ eventually. She hugged her stomach and felt her face warm up, she still felt bad about it. Although, their movie night (that wasn’t really descriptive enough, but she hadn’t used the ‘d’ word since the first Friday, even to herself) at the end of the day was good after she made up with her Doofus. Except after he went home. She sighed. Typical Ben, even after he made her feel good, as soon as he wasn’t with her she was over-thinking things. _So stop doing that_ popped up in her thoughts. If it were only that easy...

“Umm, yeah, that was part of it. And I was really tired, I haven’t been sleeping all that well lately. Ben knows I didn’t mean to hurt him. ... And that I’m sorry.” She looked at the mat and hugged her middle, unable to stop the memory of how that class ended.

Paul shifted his feet. “Uh huh, that’s what he told me.” _But that’s only the side show to whatever is really eating at her_ , he thought.

She jerked her head up to look at him, feeling her shoulders tense up, then relaxed after a couple seconds. Ben told her Paul had been at his house the next day, of course they talked about it.

“Really? What did he say?” she asked uneasily.

“Only that.” Paul smiled. _At least during that part of the conversation_. “Don’t worry, whatever you two said stayed between you. Squirt’s got your back!”

Gwen smiled back, letting her relief show. “Uh huh, he always does.” _More than you can possibly imagine!_

“I won’t try to compete with that, but if there’s ever something I _can_ do don’t be shy to ask. You looked really rough that week. I’m sure it was harder to go through than it was for us to see. It’s OK to unload when you need to. Things are better now?”

She looked him in the eyes and unhugged herself, letting her hands fall to her sides. She’d only had two bad nights since then. “It’s ... getting better. Thanks, I appreciate it.”

Paul nodded. “So why do you suppose Sensei asked us to get here early?” _And thank you, Paul, for changing the subject._ Gwen thought.

Her right hand instinctively went to the knot in the belt at her waist. “Probably to talk about testing for blue, don’t you think? I mean, we’ve both been green for about the same time, and _you’re_ ready at least.”

Paul snorted “Like you aren’t?” and grinned at her.

Gwen looked past him at the far wall. “Me? I... I don’t think I am.” her voice faltered.

Paul frowned. “Of course you are. Not bragging is all well and good, but you know we’re even. No, scratch that. Truth be told, on a good day for _me_ you take me two out of three falls.” He smirked. “And if you tell that to Ben I’ll deny it with all of my being! He already thinks he can take me, little bastard!”

Gwen forced a thin smile but said “Thanks, but I just don’t think I can...”

“All right, Gwen, what’s going on?” He fixed her with another serious look. “We both know you can pass the test _right now_ if Sensei said to do it, just like I can. So why aren’t you _ready_ to?”

She looked at him and took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and hugged her stomach again. “How can I explain this? It’s Ben. Of course.” she said softly. Then the words burst out firmly “He... it’s just that he’s worked _really_ hard, and he’s said a _bunch_ of times how much he’s looking forward to us competing in the tournament in May! If I get my blue belt now that won’t happen.”

Paul took in her rush of words by folding his arms over his chest, then cupping his chin with his right hand. “And that’s as important to you as it is to him.” _And doesn’t that say a lot about the two of you_ , he thought.

Gwen nodded with a bashful smile, feeling her cheeks flush. “Uh huh” was all she could manage, she thought, but then followed it with ”I know it sounds a little weird. ... It’s complicated.” her voice falling along with her face.

 _Yeah, it sure is_ , Paul thought. “Yeaaah... “ He let the word draw out without saying the rest, folding his arms again. He turned his head towards a motion at the business office door on the opposite side of the room.“OK. Let’s see what Sensei thinks.”

Gwen followed his look and saw their teacher approaching, only his bare feet making any noise, softly padding across the mat, hands clasped behind his back. A small smile formed on his face as he came, and stopped about four feet from them. Paul turned to face him, and both he and Gwen bowed in greeting. “ _Kon’nichiwa Sensei!_ ”

Their teacher returned the bow. “ _Kon’nichiwa, Gwendolyn-san, Paul-san!_ ” That formulation for Paul’s name never quite sounded right, even though she got the taste of cherry pie that told her the brain bugs were working. _I wonder what Japanese tastes like to the Doofus_ , Gwen thought, as she felt the corners of her mouth twitch before regaining a serious look.

“Thank you for coming early today. Since class will be starting soon, I shall get right to the point. I have watched you both for several months now, and I am pleased with how you have progressed with your focus and skills. I am particularly pleased with how you help me teach your junior classmates, even though I see evidence of you both having _favorite_ students.” Gwen saw Paul smile just as broadly at the compliment as she was, and then cringe a little at his last words.

“Do not worry, I am happy to see no favoritism, but there are always favorites in every class.” Sensei said with a twinkle in his eyes.

Paul couldn’t stop thinking _And some are more favorite than others_ , doing his best to hold back a laugh.

Gwen felt her cheeks heat up again, but only nodded her head once.

“I believe you are both ready for your blue belt test, within the next week or two. I would like to know if you agree?” _This was one of the better parts of being a teacher_ , he thought, _when I can acknowledge my students’ readiness to advance_ , anticipating their happy looks and voices. Gwen’s reaction was not what he expected, to say the least.

And there it was, just as she suspected and had been dreading all weekend. Gwen never thought she’d feel _that_ way at hearing she was skilled enough to move up a rank, and part of her knew it wasn’t rational. Even so, she didn’t want to see _him_ disappointed.She couldn’t explain that feeling, but she knew it was right. She wrapped her arms around herself and looked down, “With respect, Sensei, I don’t think I’m ready.” she said softly. “Can I keep practicing through summer and test in September?”

She looked at Paul out of the corner of her eye, but couldn’t read his expression. He stayed silent.

 _Where did this come from?_ , the old man thought. “Gwendolyn-san, I believe you can successfully complete the test. Are you sure?” She looked up at him with a mixed expression, swallowed hard, and said “Yes, Sensei”.

While he was speaking, some commotion started at the dojo entrance, as several students arrived at the same time. The sounds of eager voices calling to each other started to move from the door back to the locker rooms, including one that somehow carried over the general noise of the mob of kids.

“Ow! Hey, Tennyson, watch where you swing that backpack! That hurt like hell! What the heck is in there, anyway?”

“For cryin’ out loud, Gary, toughen up, will ya? I barely touched you!”

Gwen looked to the source, and flashed the first really happy expression since the conversation with Sensei started. She saw Ben look their way and caught his eyes as he walked to the locker room. His scornful look at Gary’s complaint quickly changed to an devious smirk, as he put his right thumb to his nose and wiggled his fingers at her! Paul must have been looking, too, because he made a sharp snort. She couldn’t quite stifle a short giggle, and rolled her eyes before returning her attention her teacher.

Sensei didn’t look away from the two, their reactions to that boy’s typically raucous entrance were entertaining on their own. And then the puzzle came together. _The delay would allow her to be in the tournament at the same rank as her cousin, to be able to compete with each other. An interesting turn of events._

“While I don’t understand why, I will consider it. But understand, this may affect your classmate as well.” He turned to Paul.“As you know, Paul-san, when possible it’s best to have multiple students test for advancement at the same time. However, I will also consider giving you the exam separately, if you request it.”

She didn’t expect this. Gwen knew it wouldn’t be fair for Paul to have to wait because of her. It would suck falling behind him in rank, but she was prepared for it. She hesitantly looked at the boy, hoping he knew she wasn’t asking him to delay his exam.

Paul had a thoughtful look. _Damn! She went through with it after all. I knew Ben was excited about competing with her, but she never said anything about it before today. I know I’ll pass, so why am I even thinking about delaying my test, too? Do I really want to get into that hornets nest?_

Gwen saw Sensei waiting for his answer, but his patience was being tested as he folded his arms, tucking his hands into the sleeves of his gi. Then Paul broke his concentration and slowly said “I’m thinking I’d like to practice some more over the summer, too, Sensei. September sounds like a good time to try.” He flicked a quick glance at Gwen.

 _Gobsmacked. A funny sounding word_ , Sensei thought, not common in American usage but gaining traction. _The perfect description for this situation. Never have I had students turn down the opportunity to advance. Today I get two at the same time._ He allowed himself a small sigh. _Whatever is going on here, it’s not my place to dictate an outcome._

“Very well. We shall take up this conversation again in the fall, when you both feel you are ready.” He gave Gwen a kind smile, then turned to do the same for Paul. “Class will begin soon.” he said as he returned the bows Gwen and Paul gave him, and turned to start gathering the rest of the students. _The tournament will be more interesting than I anticipated,_ he thought _._

Gwen straightened up and turned to Paul in astonishment. “Why did you do that? I didn’t mean for you to get delayed, too! You’re ready now, you should move up! I don’t get it?”

He turned back to her. _No, I don’t suppose you do. Maybe later_ , he thought. He grinned “We’ve been pacing each other for a couple years, why stop now? We’re a little ahead of the curve, September just puts us back on track. Besides, I can’t let you have all the fun at the tournament!”

Gwen fought down the urge to give him a hug, but smiled shyly back and said “Thank you!”

Paul nodded, then looked over her shoulder and grinned “Here comes trouble! What’d you do to Gary?”

”Aw, you know how he is, he just likes to whine!”

”Not unlike someone else I know” Paul answered, then laughed as Ben muttered “Hate you” in a stage whisper.

She turned to see Ben stop next to them with a quizzical half smirk, “What was _that_ about?”, nodding towards Sensei.

“Oh, just getting some advice on who should do what to who next month!” she smirked back.

Paul caught on to the game. “Better be ready, dude! No special treatment, remember?”, giving Gwen a quick wink.

“In your dreams! I’ll show you both some _special treatment_!” Ben challenged with _that_ laugh. And that made her smirk change to a smile.

/


	11. Preparations

Paul’s Garage

April 24, 2000

1:30 PM

Paul met Ben at the front door of his house with a grin. “Hey, Squirt! Come on in. No one else is around, but my mom will be here in time to get us to the dojo. You can leave your gym bag here.”, he said as he led the way down a short hall to another door. He twisted the knob, gave the door a push, and swept his now open hand after it. “Here we are, my own practice studio. Or as Dad likes to call it, the padded cell.” Ben looked around as they went in to the empty space in the garage that would normally hold a second car, and set his guitar case down. The name sort of fit, the walls and some movable partitions had some kind of loosely hanging, heavy colorful fabric that looked like...

Paul followed his gaze and said “Yeah, those are beach towels on the walls. Cheap way to cut down echos, Dad said, but I think he was going for sound proofing. As if! Doesn’t matter since it’s only us, we can turn the amp up as loud as we can stand.”

Ben grinned and turned to face him. “Cool!” He liked the idea of playing music together when Paul suggested it after they traded his guitar back and forth a couple weeks ago. That had been fun, and maybe his friend was right, he could stand to learn some new styles and techniques. The trick was finding a time and place; it helped that both their schools had the same early dismissal today for Teacher Development. And his parents liked Paul after that visit, so they were OK with this jam session at his place. And that Ben could get a lift to karate with the older boy later in the afternoon. It beat rattling around in his own house for the three hours between school and karate; lately playing Sumo by himself just wasn’t as good as the Friday multi-player games. And besides, they’d pretty well figured out how to beat all the levels in the latest game.

Ben turned towards him with his hands in his pockets and asked “So you’ve practiced with other people a lot? Often enough to set this up?”

“Yeah, my folks got tired of hearing the _cacophony_ \- Dad’s word! - in my room. Too crowded in there too, there’s not enough room to swing a dead cat when there were three of us packed in. I haven’t used this much since last June, though, except for just me once in a while.”

“Why’d you stop?”

“One of my buddies moved to college, the other graduated and moved on to other things.” Paul shrugged. “Get your guitar out, I’ll get it set up with my rig. I’ve got an extra stand over there you can use”, motioning towards a cabinet by the door.

Ben retrieved it, stood his instrument up and handed Paul the loose end of the cable. “Hey, before we get started, where’s the, er, facilities?” He was pleased with himself at using one of his dad’s terms for the restroom.

“The head’s through the door and down the hall on the left”, Paul replied without looking up while fiddling with plugging in the cable and making some adjustments to the amp.

Ben came back a few minutes later with a questioning look. Paul was standing next to the amplifier with his guitar slung over his shoulder, out of the way across his back while he tweaked the controls.He looked up when Ben opened the door and looked at him asking “Found it?” Ben replied “Yeah. What did you call it again?The head?”

Paul smirked, shifting the guitar in front again. “Yeah, that was the common term in my old neighborhood. With all those new sailors and marines and military brats running around you pick up their slang.” He strummed across the strings, then adjusted the tone control on the body.

Ben was more confused by that explanation. “Where was this?” He’d never come across any Navy or Marine guys at all in Bellwood, let alone be around them to hear the way they talked. There were some soldiers showing up in town as the new post got closer to opening, but not enough to have any effect on how people talked.

Paul looked off at the main door and rested his hands on his guitar, halfway between the old neighborhood and his garage from the look on his face. “I grew up in San Diego, in Pacific Beach not far from emcrud.” So far the explanation wasn’t clearing anything up, and Paul chuckled at Ben’s lost expression. “Sorry, the Marine Corp Recruit Depot near the airport. M C R D. Emcrud. That’s where all the new guys west of the Mississippi go for basic training. Pretty much a bunch of kids fresh out of high school. There’s lots of Navy bases close by, too, so PB - that’s Pacific Beach - was full of the new enlisted toads when they weren’t in school or on duty. And a lot of military families with kids lived there, too, when they couldn’t get on base housing. My school was infested with them. Some of ‘em would go surfing near my house.” He snorted. “Most of those guys were really awful! I had a hard time to keep from running them over! Some got pretty good, though.” he finished with a wistful look.

“Wait, wait! Marines surf?!” None of the stories he ever heard about the military included that! What next, tank drivers were actually girls?!

“Yeah, don’t let it out! It’s one of their better kept secrets”, Paul said in a conspiratorial voice. “Turns out the Marines have one of the best surf breaks in the world! The south part of a beach called Lower Trestles is off Camp Pendleton, an hour or so north of San Diego. Civilians have a bitch of a hike to get to it, but I got to know some military kids who could get on board the base, and we could just drive to a parking lot!” He smiled at the far away memories.

Ben was floored. There was always something new with this guy! “You _surf_ , too?” Not a common thing in this part of California.

Paul laughed “Dude, you should see your face! Yeah, I’m kind of a real life California cliche - SoCal native, blond, garage band guitar playing surfer dude! We really do exist outside movies and The Beach Boys!”

Ben threw up his hands and let them drop a second later. “Geez, what _don’t_ you do?”

“Team sports and cooking”, Paul deadpanned without skipping a beat. “All right, we can talk more about my bitchen’ childhood later. I’ve got your axe hooked up, and no effects on the amp, just playing back what comes out of the cable. What are you in the mood for?”

Ben looked at him with a blank grin and shrugged, more than a little out of his depth. He only knew what he could play, and his amp didn’t have any effects.

“Sorry, I forgot you’ve never played in a group before. Let’s try something we both know..., how about _Follow You Down_. Only you focus on the vocal line, and I’ll do the lead guitar and the solo. OK?”

Ben let his relief show at being rescued from not having a clue what to do. “Yeah, I’ll try.” He reached down, grabbed his guitar and put the strap around his shoulder. He strummed it to hear how it sounded out of the unfamiliar amplifier and turned the volume down on his instrument a little to keep from overdriving it.

“Let me play my part alone first, then you can do yours. It’s gonna sound different than you’re used to.” Paul started in, and Ben tried to see how he’d fit his part in while he listened. His guitar definitely sounded different than Paul’s; it had a brighter tone was the only way he could describe it. Then it was his turn, and it took a few tries to remember to only play the vocal part. On the second go his fingers were hitting the strings almost as surely as when he played his mix of both parts. He grinned to himself while he played, then looked up at his friend when he finished with an apologetic cringe.

“That was good! It takes some time to get a new handle on what you’re gonna play. Ready to try it together?” Paul encouraged.

“I think so.”

“Good. Don’t worry if you forget or something, I did when I first tried playing with other people. I’ll follow, go at whatever tempo works for you.” Paul said.

After a few fits and re-starts, Ben was getting the hang of it, and after the third run through from start to finish they stopped to rest. Playing and hearing complete lead and rhythm lines instead of the sometimes mangled mashup that results from one guitar trying to include both was terrific! Even when his fingers stumbled on a wrong note, his partner’s music smoothed over the glitches, and he even heard a couple times where he returned Paul’s favor. The dopey grin he had almost split his face in two!

Paul grinned back and said “That was pretty good, Shorty! You picked that up faster than I thought you would! Fun, huh?!”

“ _Yeah_ it was! It always bugs me when I play a song that I can’t get all the sound right. This is so much better! And I heard you with that whammy bar, lots better than when I try vibrato using my fingers.”

“Yep, thems the limits of only having two arms, you just have to pick out the parts you can fit in and make some trade offs to get a decent sound.” He shrugged. “So, you want to try switching? I’ll do the vocal line once or twice. You focus on the solo.”

“OK, that would be cool.” _Limits of two arms, hmm..._ , he thought, then shook his head to clear it away. _Save that for later._

Paul unslung his guitar. “K, let me have yours.” Ben was confused again. “They sound a little different, so I think that using the same guitar for the same part makes it a bit less confusing to hear at first. You mostly know what you’re doing, but the whammy bar takes a little getting used to. Take it easy with that at first.” Paul explained.

Ben nodded and traded with him, and didn’t try to hide his eager expression. He had wondered what playing his friend’s guitar would be like when he walked in and saw it standing next to the amplifier that was twice the size of his, bristling with knobs and switches. After another false start while he adjusted to the feel of Paul’s axe, they played the song a few more times. “That was awesome!” he couldn’t stop grinning when they stopped again. “I like the way your guitar plays, it seems, like..., it’s quicker than mine, especially when I did the solo. Does that make sense?”

Paul laughed. “Yeah, I have lighter strings, remember? You don’t have to pick so hard at them. You _really_ picked this up quick! How long have you been taking lessons?”

“I’ve never had any. I just go at it until I think it sounds right.”

“No shit! You’ve got great sound, _and_ self taught! You’re a natural talent.” Paul snorted. “Must be nice. I was taking lessons until we moved here. Never really looked for a school since then.”

He took off Ben’s guitar and held it out. “OK, let’s try something new. You wanted to learn _Cliffs of Dover_ , right?” Ben traded instruments while Paul was talking. “All that sound is from one person on one guitar, believe it or not. I think I can get you up to speed for the main melody, up to the bridge.” He studied Ben for a few seconds. “Maybe a good part of that, too.”

“That would be great! I figured the intro and a lot of the bridge would be hard. It’ll be fun even if I only do the chorus.” _Especially when I can show_ her, he thought.

Paul smirked, catching Ben’s expression and knowing what was behind it. “The right motivation always makes it easier! I’ll start with the main chords and strum patterns first, and get to picking after that. Watch me first, then follow along...” he explained as he stepped in front of Ben, showing how his fingers pressed the strings on his fretboard.

/

Rising Phoenix Dojo

May 1, 2000

6:07 PM

“Oh man, what got into Sensei today? I haven’t been this sore after class since... Oh, who cares? My whole _body_ hurts!” Ben heard from someone collapsed on the mat. Could have been him, actually. It was hard to say in his present state.

“Oof! Even my hair hurts!”“What did we do to deserve that?” he heard other voices around him.

He turned his head to see Gwen smirking, stretching with her arms over her head and standing on tip-toes, still panting a little. “It _has_ been about four months since the last all-conditioning class, huh Paul?” she said as she started rubbing at her left shoulder, trying to keep the muscle there from tightening up.

Paul tried to grin back but winced instead as he stretched his arms across his chest, also breathing harder than usual. “Yeah, pretty much on schedule. Remember the class in May two years ago? He was really rough that time. I could hardly move all the next day.” He looked at Ben, who had managed to sit up on the mat with his head against his knees now, his usually messed up hair no doubt looking even worse plastered against his head with sweat. “Looking a bit peaked there, Runt, you gonna die on us?”

“If I fall over, just put a marker here to my memory. And who are you calling _runt_ , ya friggin’ bean pole?” Ben complained without heat with his own pained look. He looked at Gwen, who was now bent over resting her hands on her knees, her damp hair partly hiding her red face. This time, though, he knew the flush was only from exertion. “You mean he does this on a _schedule_? I thought they were just days he was pissed off and wanted to torture us.” He did a passable Cindy-Lou imitation “Why, Sensei? Why?”

She let out a strangled giggle at the lame humor. “Well, Sensei always says we have to have strength and stamina to go with technique, right? No one knows how he picks the timing, but he’s been doing it about every four months since I started here.” She straightened up and walked to him, stopping at his feet.

“And no one has had the cojones to ask him about it”, Paul chimed in, moving to stand next to her. They both looked down at him with amused faces and no sympathy, as he extended both arms and a puppy dog look, and he even threw in a little moan. Gwen laughed softly and said “Drama queen! You’re pathetic!”, grabbing his left hand while Paul got the other, both pulling Ben up with groans in triplicate.

She turned and headed towards the girls locker room, calling over her shoulder “Tell whoever’s here to pick me up I’ll be out in a couple minutes. If you fall back on the mat I’m gonna leave you there!”

“Yeah, yeah” Ben grumbled “Mean, awful witch!” in a stage whisper to her back as she shook her head, laughing. _Lo, er, really like hearing that sound..._ he thought.

Paul’s snort snapped him back to the here and now. “Blink a few times, bud, or your eyeballs are gonna dry out!” He looked back where Gwen disappeared through the door and said “Its good to hear her laugh like that again. Good one, Squirt.”

Ben shook his head to clear up his brain. “Uh huh.”He paused, then turned to Paul. “Hey, can I ask a favor? Can I borrow your guitar next weekend? My parents will be out on Saturday so I’ll be able to try some new stuff without getting interrupted. I want to re-record some songs, too, I think your axe has better sound for them.”

His friend thought that over for a few seconds, then said “Sure, you know what you’re doing with it. I’m going to be in Santa Cruz all weekend anyway, so I won’t be using it. ... There’s supposed to be a good swell from the south, three to four feet. I’m meeting up with some buddies to see what we can catch.” he explained to Ben’s questioning look. “Tell you what, send me a list of songs you’re thinking of, maybe I can help you with which ones would be good with my guitar. I’ll bring it by at the next class, you can bring it back that Monday.”

/

Ben’s House

May 2, 2000

7:10 PM

Carl and Sandy were looking forward to the Redwood Coast Music Festival this coming Saturday. They’d gone to it every year for the past three years and raved about it for days afterwards, so this year’s event was a no brainer. Lots of great food and drink, not to mention the world class jazz, bluegrass, blues and soft rock music acts. In the past it was also a rare married-parents date, but given Ben’s recent increase in playing his guitar they were thinking about taking him along, so Carl brought it up during dinner. After hearing some details about the styles of music, his boy’s response was less than enthusiastic.

“Um, you’re joking, right? No offense, but I’ve heard your music, and I think I’d rather retake math in summer school.” Ben mimed gagging to the side of his chair, ignoring Carl’s and Sandy’s disgusted looks. Then had the nerve to shoot a be-sympathetic look at his Dad. “Please let me stay home?”

Carl replied with a frown “Offense taken. You could be a little more open minded, Sport. You don’t have to listen to screeching heavy metal all the time, you know. Or play it.”

Sandy sighed. “Uncle Frank and Aunt Lili are going with us, and Lili told me Gwen had the same reaction. Honestly, you two could stand expanding your tastes in music. You might even like it.”

Ben muttered “I wouldn’t count on it” then just glowered, but looked a bit surprised at that news. His brother and Lili never went on one of these trips before, in fact he and Sandy left Ben at their house with his cousin the past two years since they were getting along better. Since last summer, though, his wife and Lili had been noticeably friendlier, almost like when they first met. Not surprising that Gwen didn’t want to go, either, even though he was sure she’d been less obnoxious about saying so.

Carl knew, as did his wife, trying to talk their boy into it any further would be like wrestling with a pig in the mud - you only get dirty, and the pig likes it. But what were they going to do with the kid?

Ben could see this turning into a ‘family outing’, which didn’t fit into his plans at all. _The obvious solution is right there, if_ she _goes along with it_. he thought. “Why can’t Gwen stay here while you guys go?” He asked, taking a bite of his dinner.

Carl wasn’t surprised by the suggestion, but was still a bit vexed with his son. “We’ll be gone for a long time, at least 5 or 6 hours. What will you two do for that long?” He couldn’t hold back a slightly suspicious look.

Ben was equally exasperated. He slowly finished the bite, then shrugged “I don’t know, play games, practice, watch some TV? We’ve done it before without killing each other or burning down the house, _Dad_. Maybe we’ll go get a smoothie or something.”

Carl raised his eyebrows “A smoothie? Where? There’s nothing within a ten minute walk!” He smirked, thinking of Ben’s general reluctance to do physical activity outside karate.

Ben was indignant. “We go... _could_ go to the Mr Smoothie...” was as far as he got before Carl interrupted.

“The one on the way to the mall? That’s like two miles from here. It would take an hour and a half just to walk there and back!”

“Well, then, that covers two hours, doesn’t it?” Ben sassed back. “And we _do_ know how to ride our bikes there.” He was warming up to the idea. “We can cook dinner, too, or we can get a pizza delivered!What do you think? ... You know she’ll keep me from doing something dumb.” _I’ve heard them say it often enough_ , he thought with a smirk.

Sandy was wavering, Carl saw, and so was he, so Ben threw in his last card. “We could even study. For an hour, maybe.” he hurriedly tried to backtrack a little. Carl thought that was almost believable, he had just complained about starting a new unit in math, something about ‘m’s and ‘b’s - “I just got the hang of ‘x’s and fractions and now there’s new letters!” his boy had whinged at the time. No doubt Gwen could explain this new stuff to him, she was a lot better than his teacher at school, it seemed. Thank God for that miracle!

Sandy laughed “He’s got you there, Carl! They are almost teenagers, heaven help us. They can manage for half a day.”

Carl grumbled “Getting too damn smart for his own good! All right, I’m almost convinced. If they’re all OK with this cockamamie idea, I’ll go along with it.“

/

Ben’s bedroom

7:40 PM

When dinner was over he called Gwen as soon as he got to his room. She answered on the second ring.

“Hi, Ben”

“Hey Dweeb? You know about the music snoozefest our ‘rents are going to next weekend? I asked mine if you can come here instead of dragging us along with them. They said they’ll go for it if you guys do!”

“Really?! How’d you manage that?”

“Yeah. I said you’re good at keeping me from doing something stupid. They liked that - go figure! ... Aaand I may have said something about doing homework, too.”

“Wow! You actually admitted that? I never thought I’d hear you say that, Ben! Either one! Wish I could have recorded it!... “ Then she got quiet.

“There’s a ‘but’ there, you just haven’t said it. What?” he said in a flat tone.

“I don’t know. ... I was going to hang out with Michelle on Saturday.”

Ben groaned, _her_ again. “You gotta be joking!” He fumed for a few seconds, then had a flash, it could still work ... “I know! Split your time, do stuff with Army Girl in the morning, and come to my house at, like, one or two. They said they’d be back around five or six.” He heard her hesitating. “ _Please_ don’t make me tag along with them!”

Gwen considered his suggestion. She saw Michelle every day and most weekends, and it had been a while since she hung out with Ben other than Friday nights. “All right, Doofus, you got me. I’ll save your sorry butt, _again_.” she smiled, knowing he was, too.

/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got way bigger than I planned, so I had to work out how to break it in two. Bear with me...


	12. Performance and Appreciation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m trying something different, not sure how well it will work. Towards the end of this chapter there’s some references to Ben playing his guitar, like I’ve done before. I’m embedding some links to YouTube and Spotify for a couple pieces to illustrate what I’m describing. Replace the [dot] with standard period in the URL if you want to hear it.
> 
> Update: I see the the Spotify references don’t work unless you have an account, but the YouTube ones don’t seem to have a problem.
> 
> It can’t be just like the story, of course, but it gets my idea across, I hope. The YouTube links start with their advertising; I have a Spotify account so those links go straight to the tunes, YMMV. I’m really interested in what you all think of this approach, please leave a comment.

Ben’s House

May 6, 2000

8:30 AM

Ben groaned while he slapped his right hand at the clock to silence the alarm, and opened an eyelid to look at it. 8:30. _8:30? What was I thinking?_ he thought briefly, then his brain kicked into gear. He grinned _Right, today’s the day!_ He jumped out of bed and put on his pants, T-shirt and sneakers, breathing in the aromas of bacon and cinnamon rolls coming from the kitchen. He doubted his Mom had made the rolls from scratch today, but the ones from store-bought tubes were almost as good. Besides, _everything_ tastes great with bacon! He stumbled down the stairs to the kitchen, still not entirely awake.

His Dad was standing near the coffee maker and made a show of looking at his watch when Ben shuffled in, then looked at him with a smirk. “You’re up earlier than usual! I usually have to pry you out of bed with a crowbar. What got you going?”. He took a drink of coffee out of the mug in his other hand.

“Cinnamon rolls and bacon, duh! Always best when they’re hot!” he countered. He overdid the eye roll, though, so he didn’t see the bar stool and crashed into it. “Snrk!” His Dad gagged on his coffee, swallowed it with a cough, and said “Real smooth, there, Sport! Too early for you to walk and talk at the same time?” followed by a smirk.

“I hate you” he grumbled and scowled, playing the game.

He saw his Mom smile at them as she pulled the bacon from the stove and put it next to the pan of cooked rolls. “Give it a rest, you two. Breakfast is ready.”

“At least Mom loves me” he made the next play, grabbing a plate and filling it with strips of bacon and two rolls. His Dad laughed and said “Suck up! ... Leave some for us!”, as his Mom added her giggles to the mix.

\- X -

His parents left a little after 11, shortly after Uncle Frank and Aunt Lili called to say they were on their way. The two women may be getting friendlier, but they were going to be around each other for several hours at the festival, and decided through mutual silence that the hour drive to Eureka might be better in separate cars. No point in pushing their luck, Ben heard his Dad mutter under his breath earlier that week.

He moved his amp and both guitars to the family room. He needed more space than his room would afford for what he had in mind, especially the higher ceiling. He had played _Detroit Rock City_ the way he always did using Paul’s guitar last night after he got home from Gwen’s, just to get the feel for it, and he thought it sounded pretty good. But it was the recent jam session at his friend’s house and hearing two guitars playing the songs, along with a dream of a rogue weather robot, that had him grinning to himself. He had big expectations for today!

After getting everything plugged in and powered up, he strapped on the borrowed guitar and started playing the songs he knew, beginning with the ones Paul had suggested. The combination of different tone, quicker action on the strings, and the whammy bar made a big difference on a lot of them. He recorded the ones that sounded better, he would send them to her later; doing it now would ruin the hoped-for surprise. After about 45 minutes he took a break, shaking out his hands and arms to relieve the cramps.

Returning to his rig, he took a deep breath. _I really hope this works_ , he thought, as he dialed up Fourarms and brought his right hand down on the watch. The familiar green light filled the room, and he stretched four arms out as far as he could, then brought them together for a thoroughly satisfying cracking of knuckles.He smiled, reveling in the red form. “It’s _guitar_ hero time!” he said to the room.

He picked up his guitar in his top two hands and started tentatively playing the same vocal line for _Follow You Down_ that he did with Paul last week, wondering if what he could do as himself would work as the big red guy. After playing a third of the way through, not missing a note, it was clear the Tetramand could do way more than strum power chords. The melody he expected came screaming out of the amp clear as day, and he even threw in a couple short trills at the end!

 _So far so good_ , he thought, picking up Paul’s guitar and running his lower set of fingers over the strings. He started doing only the rhythm line and played through the solo, grinning more and more as Fourarms’ fingers picked out the notes that were familiar to his human self. He noticed ataste of cinnamon rolls while he was playing, finishing a lingering bit left over in one of his teeth from breakfast. Who actually brushed their teeth right after eating, anyway?

He was as ready as he was going to get. “Here goes nothing” he rumbled to himself, counted the tempo, and launched into the song with both guitars at once. It took a little concentration at first as he tried to keep track of all four hands doing separate things, making him feel dizzy. He closed his eyes to fight off a wave of nausea, to find it was easier to play that way. He kept going, eyes closed, gaining confidence with each measure. All four sets of fingers were flashing over the strings, making the instruments howl through the amp the way he had imagined they should, and he couldn’t have wiped away the smile that took over his face if he wanted to! He opened his eyes and focused on the clock on the far wall, knowing he didn’t need to watch the guitars at all. His hands and fingers naturally made the sounds he heard in his mind, and watching just tangled him up. This was the closest thing to how Gwen did her magic he could think of, and it was AWESOME! He ripped through the rest of the song, and laughed with amazement that his idea actually worked! If only his Dweeb had been there for it! _Doesn’t matter_ , he thought, _she’ll be here soon enough, and boy will I have something to show her!_

He had to do _Detroit Rock City_ next, even though he hadn’t worked out separating the vocal and lead guitar lines. Ben just jumped in, hoping for the best, to find that Fourarms almost instinctively figured out how to play it on the fly. It sounded almost as good as hearing it live at that Kiss concert all those years ago! Drums and bass would be great to add, but there was only so much you could do with two guitars. _With one hero playing them!_ he shouted in his mind.

Two more songs went by with the same results, along with a more distinct cinnamon taste, which was a little odd but easy to dismiss. He was having the time of his life doing this, and wished he could show Paul, too! He’d appreciate it as much as he knew Gwen would. He stopped for a rest and shook out his hands again, just as the watch started beeping and flashing red. Ben grinned at how the thing seemed to know when he had to take a break.

While he was resting, he thought about Paul teaching him to play _Cliffs of Dover_. He didn’t get to the intricacies of the intro and solo that day. How would Fourarms do with listening to the original tune, and then try playing what he heard? That would be wicked cool if it worked! While the Omnitrix recharged he pulled his phone from his pocket, and connected it to the amplifier, setting it up to play the tune. He sat on the edge of the couch to wait for the green light that showed the watch was ready for him.

And waited. The anticipation was killing him! _Come on, hurry up already!_ , he thought, willing the watch to finish whatever magic it did to make his transformations happen. Ben flopped back into the cushions with an impatient grunt and stared at the phone in his hands, and decided listening to the tune as himself was the best way to pass the time while the flipping watch got itself ready. Pressing the ‘Play’ button, he closed his eyes as the tune started, this time making an effort to really listen and pick out the notes and patterns. Even with that concentration, the bouncy, fun nature of it made him relax, so that by the end he was bobbing his head and shoulders along with the beat and grinning again.

He opened his eyes to see the watch was finally cooperating, showing the green light he needed. “It’s about time!” he shouted and slammed his right hand on the dial. When the transformation to Fourarms was complete, the phone was ridiculously small in his upper left hand, but he was able to push the ‘Play’ button anyway, and listened to the song again. The music may have been familiar to Ben, but it was new to Fourarms and he listened intently, distinctly hearing the notes and patterns that his human ears had trouble separating from the blended sound.

He stood up and started playing _Cliffs_ on his guitar, skipping the intro and planning to stop at the hard part of the bridge. He expected to play the parts Paul taught him, but not as well as he was. His fingers were dancing surely over the strings, as if he knew the song from long experience. He decided not to stop in the bridge, and was happily shocked to find what initially sounded really hard was, in practice, just another natural sequence of notes. This was freaking fantastic!

At the end of the tune Ben did it again immediately to make sure Fourarms really had it. This time he started with the intro on Paul’s guitar, then added the rhythm line with his. To his utter amazement and delight he nailed it! He was laughing as he extended his experiment to more songs, playing each one with both guitars almost as naturally as talking. He knew he made some mistakes, especially for songs he hadn’t played recently, but nothing that was glaringly obvious. On the plus side, he started to improvise some of the solos, adding runs of notes up and down the fretboard, matching the style and intent of the songs if not perfectly reproducing the original. _This is gonna make the Dweeb totally freak out_ , he thought with a huge grin.

His hands and fingers were getting stiff again when he heard the beeps of the watch start, and he reverted back to himself. He untangled the straps of the guitars and took them off, went to the kitchen and got some lemonade from the fridge while the watch forced a break. Ben’s hands were shaking from their vigorous workout, as well as at this discovery of Fourarms musical ability.His excitement was hard to contain, especially by himself, and he nearly spilled the lemonade carton as he poured a glassful.

When he returned to the family room, he saw the message light on his phone blinking. Gwen had texted ten minutes ago that she was on the way there. He smiled again, he could _finally_ show off his new abilities and knowledge of Fourarms with her!

-G

Gwen was annoyed that Ben hadn’t replied to her by the time Michelle’s mom dropped her off at his house. _Probably lost in his latest Sumo game, like usual,_ she thought. _He really needs to get another hobby._

She knocked on the door, and turned to wave goodbye to her friend as it opened. When she turned back, Ben was grinning like a moron and almost bouncing, excited at something. “You _finally_ got here!” he shouted, and practically pushed her into the family room after closing the door.

“Ben! Watch it, you almost knocked me over! What’s got into ... you?” she complained, then sort of stammered, taking in the guitars and amplifier in the front of the TV. “What are you up to?” she murmured.

He ignored her questions, and ran past her to pick up his phone. “Remember what my recording of _Detroit Rock City_ sounds like?” She nodded, a bit speechless at his over the top excitement. She should, she played it often enough!

“Check this out!” he said and started the familiar tune, playing it through the amplifier.

Familiar, but... better? Gwen _felt_ that it was different, even though she knew it was him playing, but couldn’t place why. Ben looked kind of nervous even with a grin, and his right hand was fidgeting with the watch, but he didn’t say anything. What the...? She focused on the amp and frowned with concentration as she _listened_ to the music.

And then it hit her, the music had a fuller sound, more complex... She heard _two_ guitars, playing separate melody and backing rhythm parts! She sucked in a breath, then stood there staring at him. “Two?! Those are both you?” Ben nodded, looking just like she imagined the Cheshire Cat. “How...?”

He stopped the song - about twenty seconds after the solo started where the second guitar joined in, and _damn_ if that didn’t sound amazing! - and his hand jammed down the watch dial, coloring the room green. After the flash, Gwen blinked and took in a sharp breath again, putting both hands to her mouth at the sight of Fourarms standing there, ducking his head a little to keep from banging it in the ceiling. “No way!” she shouted.

Fourarms grinned, popping his knuckles, and said “Get ready, Dweeb, this is gonna blow your socks off!” as he slung both guitars. He strummed across both sets of strings, tapped out the beat with his left foot and ... She heard the opening chords of Detroit Rock City _scream_ out of the amp, and she couldn’t stop a barked laugh! The smile on his face was brighter than the watch flash _ever_ was, as his fingers hammered away at the strings, filling the room with sound. Gwen flashed back to the night she first heard him play _their_ song and smiled back at him, knowing this was another one of those moments she’d remember. The rhythm got to her and she started to dance, twirling into the room - smart boy, moving the furniture out of the way! - knowing he was watching her and loving every second of it! He ripped through the solo, and nailed the song to the end. If he could smile any bigger, she didn’t know how!

“Guess that was OK, huh?” he deadpanned as the last notes faded out. “Think I should keep going?” The deep voice rumbled through the room.

“Oh, yeah! Don’t stop now, Mr _Gui_ -tar Man!” she said with an equally big smile.

Gwen kept dancing as he played through a set of five more songs. They were all favorites of hers, all up beat, and if there were any subtle meanings in the lyrics they were completely lost in the happy waves of sound washing through the room. Only the music and the beat mattered; that, and the way he smiled as he shredded the songs.

And then that damn watch started beeping, counting down to stop his one man, er, being, concert. Gwen was almost angry at the interruption, but sighed in exasperation that Ben would have to stop when he reverted to himself. She stopped dancing as the notes faded out, breathing deeply to recover. She had forgotten how dancing could be a serious workout!

She figured he would be disappointed, too, but no. Instead, he had managed to put Paul’s guitar down just before the flash, and was holding his, ready to keep going. He grinned at her saying “Don’t look so bummed! I gotcha covered, I’m not done yet!” He drew his fingers across the strings again “I think you’ll like this one...”

Ben started picking an intricate run of notes that sounded familiar, but she couldn’t quite place it. He started with his fingers on the neck near the middle, and they danced down and back up the fretboard, alternating between fast, short notes and a run of longer ones, finally ending in a complicated run of higher patched notes near the body. Somewhere along the way Gwen realized the intro was for a tune he played off her computer almost a month ago, something he said would be difficult to learn. She hadn’t really expected to see him play it all, really, and here he was doing it with practiced confidence! Even if he was staring intently at his fingers. And then he got to the chorus of the tune, playing the fast, up beat - Gwen had called it ‘happy’ that Friday night - _Cliffs of Dover_. As he got into the music he closed his eyes and smiled, then opened them again and aimed his grin at her, swept up again in the experience of playing. And swept her right along with him! She could feel her smile was every bit as big as his, as she swayed along with the rhythm.

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He finished with an impressive display of fast picking, running his fingers up and down the neck of the guitar before ending on a dramatic power chord!

Ben let the guitar hang from the strap and shook his hands, breaking the quiet saying “Whew! My fingers are all cramped up! Time for a break.” still with _that_ smile stuck on his face. “So, what do you think? Pretty cool what Fourarms can do, huh?!”

“And you too! _Cool_ doesn’t even come close!” she gushed. So not _her_! Usually. But what he just did was too much to pretend indifference to. “You _couldn’t_ have had time to learn all those songs since we talked about it! It’s only been a few weeks. You said it would be really hard! When _did_ you learn it?”

“Paul and I played the first few songs two weeks ago, and he started teaching me _Cliffs_ then, too. But I only tried with Fourarms this morning! I had to learn the different parts for those songs when I first learned to play them on just my guitar, so doing them with two was pretty easy. For the last one, I listened to the recording and then tried playing it this morning as Fourarms and it just fell in place!Even the intro and bridge. And when I tried after the watch timed out I could _still_ do it!”

Gwen nodded but frowned anyway. “I still don’t get it. It makes sense that Fourarms could play parts you know. But _you_ didn’t know _Cliffs_ , though, not the whole thing, right?”

“Yeah. I guess stuff I listen to and learn as him stays with me when I’m me, like the other way around.” Ben shrugged, looking a little surprised himself at the revelation..Then he stared at the kitchen with a funny look. “Do you smell cinnamon rolls?”

That _came out of the blue_ , she thought. “Uh, no. Why?”

“I don’t know. Mom baked some this morning, but that was hours ago. When I was playing, I kept thinking I tasted them.” He shrugged again.

“I keep telling you to brush your teeth after eating. Maybe if you did you wouldn’t be tasting leftovers that get stuck in them.Gross!”

Ben just laughed. “Speaking of food... I need some time for my hands and fingers to stop feeling numb. Want to get something to drink? Dad didn’t believe we’d actually walk to Mr Smoothie, so...”

“You want to make him eat his words?” Gwen finished for him with a smirk. “That’s a great idea! Let’s go.” They walked out the front door, and Ben turned to make sure it was shut. Gwen was halfway to the sidewalk when he called after her “What are you doing?”

“Walking to...Oh, for...” Gwen stopped and smacked her forehead with the palm of her right hand.

“I know it’s been a while, Dweeb, but I can get us there way faster than that!” Ben laughed as he swatted the Omnitrix, switching to XLR8. He scooped her up and raced off, the face shield sliding in place. She slapped his chest and said. “Give me a chance to hold on, knucklehead!” He just laughed some more.

They got there in no time. Which was a problem, since they got there way sooner than the watch was ready to time out, and it was Ben’s turn to realize his mistake. “Good going, Mr Hero, what do we do now?” Gwen teased without any heat. The answer was obvious, and she missed running for its own sake as much as he did.

“I think a tour of the docks and warehouses will use up enough time” Ben said, and raced off. After a few loops around the industrial part of Bellwood, mostly empty on a Saturday afternoon, XLR8 was already on the way back to the smoothie shack when the watch started its countdown.

“Don’t try and tell me you planned that” Gwen smirked, as Ben sheepishly let go so they could walk the last thirty yards around the corner and into the shop.

They bought some drinks and went outside and sat at their usual table. After taking a deep pull at his straw, Ben looked at Gwen and asked hesitantly “Sooo, what did you and Army Girl do this morning?”

The question was unexpected, but he looked interested. If he wasn’t he at least faked it well. She knew he still didn’t like her friend much, but he _had_ been nicer than Gwen thought he would the last time they saw each other. She looked up at him with an appreciative smile (that made him light up, too, and how long had he been looking at her like that?), and said “Remember last summer after..., when we went shopping and you made me wear those awful outfits?”

Ben looked in the direction of the mall and snorted, “Yeah, those were really butt ugly! I was surprised you actually put that crap on!”

Gwen laughed. “Uh huh. Well, I taught Michelle how to play that game, and we were at this vintage clothes store today. You should have seen the hideous stuff I picked out for her, you’d be proud!” She described a few outfits she inflicted on Michelle, and what she retaliated back with, between drinking up their smoothies. Ben even laughed at the pictures on her phone. They both took a last sip from their straws, and got up to go home.

Ben was looking for a good place to turn back into XLR8, but Gwen didn’t feel like rushing back. As much as she liked the feeling when one of his aliens carried her, she interrupted him and put her hand on his left arm, sliding it down to cover the watch and said “It’s a nice day and we’re not on our parents’ leash for a few more hours. Let’s walk back.” She smiled, and hoped he saw the “please” there that for some reason she couldn’t say out loud.

She was a little surprised when he shrugged and said “Sure. ... Dad figured it’d take 45 minutes for us to walk each way, but I bet it won’t take more than half an hour. One more thing to prove him wrong about!” He grinned as they started off.

“Did you hear those guys talking Spanish to their buddy making the drinks?” Ben asked as they walked along.

“Yeah. So?”

“I’ve been wondering, what did you taste when they were talking?”

“Um, spicy chocolate. What about you?” Gwen said.

“Avocados.”

“You did not! How cliche can you get, guacamole for Spanish!”

“I said avocados, dork! Totally different! I taste guacamole when I use German.”

“No way! _Das macht keinen Sinn!_ ”

“Stop it! You know I hate that snotty looking stuff! _Moshi nihongo o hanashitara dōdesu ka?_ ”

“Ben! Eww! That’s nasty! If Sensei tasted what I do when he speaks Japanese he’d stop doing it!”

“Why? What do you get?”

“Raw eel!” Gwen spat out at the memory of that piece of sushi her Daddy made her try. “I thought that’s what _you_ got, too.”

Ben barked a short laugh. “Nah. I get Grandpa’s squid! Yuk!” and made a sour face. Gwen mirrored it, and they both laughed.

“Didn’t you say you tasted cinnamon rolls when Fourarms was playing those songs?” she said.

“The new ones, yeah. Why?”

“It just occurred to me, I tasted marshmallows!” Gwen felt like she just discovered something important.

“So?”

“Don’t you get it? The brain bugs are treating _music_ like a _language_! I’ve read articles that compared them together, but this means they’re the same! At least sometimes, for Tetramands and humans, anyway. Did you think anything, ... I don’t know, _different_ when he was playing?”

“Oh wow! ... Yeah, not words so much, but a feeling like ‘I’m happy, I want to play’. Not play music, play like we did when we were little kids.” Ben grinned. “That is so _cool_!”

“That’s what I felt, too!” She grinned back. Then she got serious again. “That sort of explains how Fourarms interprets music and helps him play stuff you’ve only heard a few times. But how can he play different parts on two guitars? And how do _you_ know how to play what _he_ figures out?”

Ben got what Gwen called his thinking face. “I’ve been wondering about that, too. It makes sense that Fourarms’ brain has to be able to control four arms and hands to do different things, just like we can with two. And because I have musical talent - and you can _stuff_ that eye roll, Dweeb! - I still do when I become Fourarms. And songs and things Fourarms knows transfers to me when I go back to normal.”

Gwen considered his explanation. “You know, that makes a lot of sense... Wow, Doofus, that’s really insightful! You’re not as dumb as people say after all!” she teased with a laugh.

Ben was beaming at the compliment. “Yeah, I’m aweso ... _Hey!_ Who says I’m dumb!?” he complained in mock outrage.

\- B

When they got back to his house, Ben was still feeling the effects of his earlier performance, and wasn’t ready to end his mini concert. From the way their conversation on the way home went, it seemed Gwen was up for more, too, so he went straight to the guitars and turned the power back on the amp. Gwen took the cue and sat on one of the chairs he had pushed to the wall opposite him, with a look of anticipation. “What else do you have for me?”

He grinned and said “I’ve got a couple new ones for one guitar”, figuring that would be a good way to get back into the groove. With Fourarms help he had learned some songs that Paul suggested, _Pacifica_ and _Sultans of Swing_. Both were good warm ups, loosening up his hands and fingers for more complicated picking. He was encouraged by Gwen’s reaction, as she smiled and swayed on the couch to the first, and got up and danced at the second, as he hoped she would. Then he used Paul’s trick for playing the solo to _My Sharona_ , only he started with the solo and finished with the end of the song. Her reaction was priceless, as she stopped dancing to listen to the solo part and concentrated on placing it, just like he did -

 _I know this, but what’s the name of the song?_ he could almost hear her thinking. When he got to the chorus, she got a pained grin as she finally figured it out, and did a great over the top face palm as he hit the last notes.

Gwen laughed as he stopped. “I didn’t think you’d play songs that different than your usual head banging style, Ben! And what got into you with the last one? _My Sharona?! Seriously?!_ ”

“Paul got me into those. Said I should try different styles for some variety!” grinning back. “Here’s something else I learned as Fourarms, something you should recognize.”

He started a sedate version of _Moonlight Sonata_ , but couldn’t even force himself half way through. “Ugh, how do you stay awake for this _snoozer_?” he muttered, looking up at her.

Gwen frowned, “Why’d you quit? I really like that. It helps me focus when I’m studying.”

“Ya, I know, Dweeb Queen! I heard you play it enough.” He dialed inFourarms and slammed in the watch. “But I spiced it up, just for you!” He picked up Paul’s guitar, hammered a chord on both, and launched an electrified attack at double the original tempo. He shredded it, and he laughed as her frown turned into a giggle, then a happy smile as she bounced along.

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When he finished, there was just the hum of the amp, and before he could start something new they heard an angry shout from Mr Baumann next door. “Hey you punk! I’ve put up with that crap all day! Stop ruining the music! Here’s how classical music is _supposed_ to sound!” And then they heard a symphony start playing, with a guitar taking the melody of a fast-paced piece that Ben didn’t recognize. But Gwen did, saying “That’s the William Tell Overture. ... You know, the theme for the Lone Ranger?”, rolling her eyes at his clueless look.

“Of _course_ you know that” He mumbled, about to start something else to overpower the irritating _noise_ from next door. Something about it got to him, though, making him listen to the piece play out. He started picking out some of the repeating riffs on one guitar, then both, and after a minute grinned like a maniac and said “I _love_ these bugs! I _got_ this!”

When the recording stopped they heard another muffled shout through the window “That’s the _right_ way! You hear that, you little shit?”

Fourarms cracked all four sets of knuckles, growling “Oh, it’s _on_ old man!”, as he turned the amp volume up.

Gwen put her hands to her mouth. He heard her snicker and say “Ben, be nice!”, but he was concentrating on his retaliation. He had been raised to be respectful to adults, but what Mr Baumann did _deserved_ what he was about to do.

“I’m not gonna break anything. ... Some things we do just for fun!” he said with a wicked grin as he strummed both guitars. Then he winked his right set of eyes at her and let loose, shredding the _Overture_ in a way that could never be heard in a symphony hall.

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From the first chord he _knew_ he would nail it, sound exploding out of the amp as four sets of fingers flew across the strings to make the guitars howl together! This wasn’t some gentle classical go-to-sleep tune like eight minutes ago; no, this was pure ‘in your face, bite me’ attitude! The cinnamon roll taste was so strong it almost made him gag, emphasizing the message his brain was sending to his fingers. Too bad he wasn’t facing off against the rogue weather bot, this time he would have made it explode in mid air! The look on his Dweeb’s face was worth whatever hell he would pay after his neighbor bitched him out to his parents!

He finished with dual, harmonized power chords, destroying two strings on his guitar just before he held up both axes by the neck on both sides of his body and shouting “Oh yeah! Who’s your _hero_?!”

This time he had an audience, and even if it was only his Dweeb, that was all he needed. And she reacted the way he always hoped an audience would, she clapped and cheered as he put the guitars down with a huge smile! Even Fourarms was almost bowled over by the force of the glomp she hit him with, both of them laughing hard, and he grabbed her with all four arms and spun her around in a circle.

\- G

Gwen knew the doofus was going to do something outrageous the moment Fourarms cracked his knuckles and growled. The usual snarl that went with that action right before they tore into bad guys wasn’t there, though, replaced by a devious smirk and an excited gleam in the four eyes. Eyes that told her her Ben was still in control, and nothing really destructive was about to happen. Still, she tensed up in anticipation; even when he wasn’t keyed up Fourarms was like a bull in a china shop.

When he launched his electric reply to old man Baumann’s musical challenge, she was caught up in his excitement, and she let out her breath and grinned at the power in the chords and the determined, technically demanding way two sets of hands and fingers danced and flew over the guitars, playing related yet distinct parts of the piece back and forth between each other. He looked up at her and saw her smiling, and returned it with a face splitting grin of his own, the master of the sarcastic musical mayhem blaring from the amplifier. She couldn’t help bobbing her head and swaying with the music, but she couldn’t really call it dancing, it was too fast for that. But it was _wonderful_!

When he got to the end, he crushed the final power chords in a crescendo and threw his arms wide, holding one guitar on either side and bellowed “Who’s your _hero_?”, and she couldn’t help cheering! And before she realized it, she knocked Fourarms back a step as she connected a flying hug at him, jumping into his arms with a giddy shout of her own. She even squealed as he grabbed her and spun around!

The watch timed out even before they stopped twirling, catching them in the hug, still laughing so hard they both had tears coming out! Neither one made a move to break apart at first, instead resting their chins on each other’s shoulders (a bit of a conscious effort on her part, Gwen had to stoop a little to make that work - totally worth it!) while their laughter died out.

As they separated Gwen exclaimed “That was totally _awesome_ , Doofus! I don’t think he’ll ever play that piece again!” and she bent over, gasping for breath. She looked up at him with a smirk, “How are you going to outdo _that_ , _hero_?”

\- B

Ben was breathing hard, too, and said “Yep, I am that awesome!”He reached down and picked up his guitar, losing the smile at the sight of the two broken strings. “Looks like I won’t, not today, anyway. I don’t have any more strings. And I think I should take it easy on Paul’s guitar, I can’t give it back to him with a busted string, either.” He shook his hands one more time, eyeing his abused fingers. “Just as well, if I do too much more my fingertips are gonna look like they’ve been in a garbage disposal!”

Gwen said “Oh, Ben! That’s disgusting!” then paused to catch her breath. “So what should we do next? ... What’s this homework you have to do?”

“Ugh! Linear equations...” he said with a scowl. “Way to be a buzzkill.”

She snorted. “Back to being a regular doofus.” she said with a teasing grin. “Get your book, this isn’t as hard as teachers always make it sound.” Gwen took 30 minutes to explain the parts of an equation for a straight line, and by the end he did the homework problems on his own. Why can’t his teacher stop making simple things hard?

“Well, that’s over with” he crowed, giving Gwen an appreciative look even if he didn’t actually say thank you. “Looks like we have time for pizza and a movie before our parents get back. Sound OK?”

She grinned back at him. “You’re welcome! ... Yeah, pizza’s good. But pepperoni and mushrooms this time, none of your ham and pineapple junk!”

“Hey! You’re the one who says I should eat more fruit!”

“Not on _junk food_ , dork! Go on and order it.” She started rummaging through the drawer of DVDs in the TV cabinet mumbling “what haven’t we seen lately?”, to herself. “ _Yes!_ This will do!”

When Ben got off the phone with the pizza place, she held out the disk. “Breakfast Club?! No way! Too much of a chick flick!”

“It is not! Besides, I get to pick since I had to force that simple math into your thick skull!” she smiled triumphantly.

“Give it a rest, nerd! You love that stuff!” He scowled at her, then rolled his eyes and took the disk. “All right!” he huffed, and got the TV ready to play.

By the time they had the room back in TV watching condition, the pizza arrived. While he hauled the guitars and amp up to his room, Gwen was busy bringing food and sodas and plates and stuff into the family room. Ben got the TV remote and sat on the couch, watching her. It was hard to believe this was the same girl that almost punched his lights out a few weeks ago, who was so distracted by nightmares and _whatever_ else that she almost forgot how to smile or laugh or have fun. Today had been a blast, though, and there was no trace of any of that now! He knew Gwen had as much fun as he did; watching her dance and hearing her laugh were the _best_!

She saw him looking at her as she brought the pizza box into the family room and gave him a shy smile. He answered the “what’s that for?” question on her face the only way that made sense right then. He gave her his best smile back.

\- G

Gwen was thinking as they settled on the couch that being with her Doofus today because he asked her to come over, to see him so excited to be learning something new, to hearing his amazing music - all of it made her _happy_. She felt better today than she had for weeks! Because she was _enjoying_ this time being with Ben, as he was with her. And the words of her future self - “... enjoy him while you can.” - that were so cryptic back then, were making a whole lot more sense. Even though Michelle wanted her to stay for a sleepover, she was glad she came here instead.

Gwen sat next to him and leaned against his left side and tucked her feet up under her legs, as Ben slumped down to rest his head against her right shoulder. She wrapped her right arm behind his neck, resting her elbow on his shoulder, letting her hand fall and tangled her fingers in his hair.

“Thank you, Ben” she said.

“Huh? For what?” he said, twisting around to look at her.

She looked down at him and smiled. “For hanging out today. And showing me what you could do with those guitars! I had a _really_ good time.”

“Yeah! I’m just awesome like that!” He smiled back up at her.

She snorted and swatted his chest with her free hand. “You really are annoying!”

Ben started the movie and pulled a throw blanket on the couch over their legs, and then relaxed back into her with a contented sigh, as they watched The Breakfast Club for the second or third time - hard to keep track, and it didn’t really matter what they were watching - and waited for their parents to get back.

/

Omnitrix Log

The logs report the language translation microbes were activated in the Tetramand template in response to a complex but not unpleasing set of audible atmospheric pressure waves - what the humans refer to as ’music’. Very good! The child has finally started to realize the creative potential for that species in addition to its combat capabilities.

The logs also indicate a massive release of endorphins shortly afterwards. What in the galaxy was that boy doing?

//

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To the One Who Reads about the brain bugs bit. Great suggestion!


	13. Feeling Lost

Ben’s bedroom

June 21, 2000

2:25 PM

The two days after returning home felt like an eternity, even though they were mostly filled with uneasy sleep. Ben had never felt so tired, so _weary_ (and now he understood what that word really meant), and he knew Gwen had to be feeling it even more. His parents told him she needed rest so she could heal from the concussion, and the horrible bruises he saw from the even more horrific injuries he didn’t protect her from, so he didn’t call or text. He was leaving her alone so could get better. That’s what he told himself anyway. He couldn’t face the real reason.

After three days he finally didn’t need to sleep so much. It didn’t matter, the nightmares kept him from it anyway. Even dead, Vilgax tormented him. And regardless of the visions of four days ago, the horrors from the previous summers when he failed to protect her and keep her safe never went away.

But he didn’t know _what_ to do. _She_ wasn’t there, and he couldn’t call, there was no way. And even though he saw the worry in his parents eyes, they couldn’t stay with him all day. He knew they had to get back to their routines. Not that it mattered, he wasn’t sure he could handle having them around all the time anyway. They tried to be reassuring and supportive, but he couldn’t answer their questions beyond what Grandpa told them about the crash, and he certainly couldn’t tell them about _her_. His inability to confide in them was frustrating for all of them, and only piled on to his isolation.

So while they were out, he did all the usual things he used to do when he was alone - play Sumo, practice karate, read comics, watch movies and TV. He even listened to the radio and searched around on the Interwebs for songs he might try to learn. He couldn’t concentrate on any of them, though, and they only made him more restless. Finally he convinced his parents to let him get out of the house by himself to go to the music store, and he got replacement strings for the ones Fourarms broke when she had come over.

He tried to play some of the songs he did that day, but they didn’t work right on one guitar, and he couldn’t do two again even if he had them. Without the watch there was no more Fourarms, and he couldn’t even _think_ about putting it back on without locking up in panic, let alone do it for something so trivial. Even if he did put it back on, he knew he couldn’t have another day like that with her again anyway, because she would never want to.

He tried the songs he could play with just his guitar, but they were even worse.His fingers faltered and stumbled like he did when he was eight, and they all reminded him of _her_ and what wasn’t _there_ any more, and even _Detroit Rock City_ \- _especially_ that song - just _hurt_. The memories of all those times turned bitter as he realized that was all he would ever have.

Ben tore off the headphones that kept the godawful noise he was making to himself. He dropped his guitar and let the strap hold it as he sat on the desk chair staring at the place where he had spent so many hours with his best friend playing games and watching movies and listening to music; where he kissed her when he thought they were more than that... Then he leaned in with his elbows on the desk and pressed his face in his hands as sadness overwhelmed him.

It wasn’t _fair!_

She _finally_ answered his kiss and his question from outside the ice rink - What _do_ you want? - after he’d just about given up that she could ever feel for him the way he did for her. Her kiss was so unexpected that he almost missed it, and then he recognized the answer in it - ‘I want what you want.’ It was what he had wished for for months, and he answered with another one back, one that lasted for forever, and not nearly long enough. One that had a world of meaning without words. And the best part? One that she returned without hesitation. He had gotten his Dweeb back!

He wasn’t ready for the emotions that were all jumbled together from that - relief, shyness, excitement, a little bewilderment, the _elation_ he felt just being with her that made him feel...He couldn’t describe it, but it was the _best_ feeling he ever had! Made all the better when she cuddled close.

It lasted only minutes.

Then that _bastard_ came and _stole_ it from them, along with the lives of all those people in the city, and almost theirs. When he thought his Gwen and Grandpa were dead, he went berserk and tore the monster who did it in two, making him a killer on top of everything else. Ben’s sadness and guilt were replaced by a white hot fury that he couldn’t contain, and he lashed out, grabbing the guitar and slamming his hand across the strings, breaking one in a sound that was just _wrong_!

“DAMN IT!” he shouted and slammed his hands on the desk, making some pens and pencils skitter and fall off the side.

It didn’t help. It changed nothing. He was still alone, and still broken. And even though his Dweeb was alive - thank God for that! - he had still _lost_ her.

“Damn it!” he whispered. “I want her back.”

He felt his eyes well up on the verge of crying, except heroes _didn’t_. Then he looked at his left wrist, where the Omnitrix wasn’t, and remembered he wasn’t a hero any more. He lost _that_ , too.

Ben stood up and took the guitar off as his anger dissolved into soul crushing misery.

He fell face first into his pillow and sobbed.

— X —

Sandy had walked up the stairs at the first sounds coming from her son’s guitar, hoping it meant he might be coming back to his normal happy self. She and Carl heard his cries and tried to relieve his panic and fear after the nightmares every night, even though they couldn’t imagine what caused them. She was sick with worry at how he mostly stayed in his room all day, and that he made no attempt to even call Gwen. After all the Friday nights they spent together, the sudden cutoff was a shock.

Even though he usually played his guitar using headphones, the sound of the strings carried through his bedroom door. She wasn’t really a fan of the music he was playing lately; her taste ran more to Bon Jovi, and Carole King when she was in a reflective mood. But she was impressed and proud at how he taught himself to play, even if he rarely let her and Carl hear it. Before the trip, though, he had gotten more confident and started trying new styles. He even started playing for his cousin, and then with his friend Paul.

Today was different for some reason, and she felt uneasy as she listened to his hesitant attempts at several songs he used play with his eyes closed, that now didn’t sound _right_ even to her. Then there was a heavy silence, and a sudden angry hammering on the strings and the sound of one breaking. Followed by Ben’s shouted curse, that would normally have seen her bursting through his door with a reprimand, but not today. Instead she waited, trying to be patient because of his recent trauma. She listened intently and was shocked by a muffled sound she hadn’t heard from him since first grade.

Her boy was crying, as if there was only pain and sorrow in a shattered world.

It broke her heart as she wondered what could affect him that way, and hurried in to console him.

/

Gwen’s bedroom

June 24, 2000

6:22 AM

She woke up terrified at the nightmare, almost jumping to sit stiffly upright, gasping and covered in another cold sweat, confused about where she was.

The room was still dark even though the sun had been up for an hour, and Gwen had left the curtains half open so there’d at least be some starlight through the window when the demons came in the middle of the night. The June gloom was in full effect, though, the morning fog casting a pall over the California coast from Mexico north. Gwen’s panic started to subside, and the small part of her brain that wasn’t freaking out recognized the irony of the dark start to her day after her dad assured her last night, “tomorrow will be better after you get a good night’s rest” before giving her a kiss on the forehead.

The panic took longer to fade away than usual, as the only detail she could make out in the ghastly light was a blurred, angry red glow that was just like the one in Vilgax’s eyes when the monster looked up at her, bent over the still form of her cousin, gore falling from the Omnitrix he had ripped off the boy’s left wrist...

 _Its only the display from the alarm clock,_ she told herself, and focused on that until the hammering in her chest faded to normal. For just a second she thought she was in the Rust Bucket, and he was already climbing down from his bunk to make sure she was all right. The panic may be going away, but the sadness was still there, made worse as her reality came into focus and she knew she was in her bed, and he won’t be coming to comfort her like she was used to. Like he did just last week.

Like she did for him the night before that, when he had called out her name in the middle of the night with a soft, strangled cry. He kept murmuring “I lost you”, like he often did when he had his awful dreams. She crept into his bunk to wrap her arms around him and put her head against his so she could reassure him in a whisper, “I’m here Doofus, I won’t let go”. She stayed with him until she felt his tense body stop twitching and his racing heart and ragged breaths go back to normal, as he pretended to stay asleep. Then she carefully slipped back out, as if she were trying not to wake him, even though they both knew the truth.

He did the same for her after her nightmares, after all.

And now he wasn’t there, and the reality and her nightmares were the same. She had let him down, and he was gone. She fell back under the covers, hugged her pillow and cried.

— X —

10:05 AM

“Gwen? Sweetie, are you awake?” she heard her mother’s voice calling softly from the door. She turned in her bed away from the wall towards the sound, looking out at the shadowed room. The curtains were half closed to limit the post-fog sun in an attempt to keep the headache from coming back.

“Uh huh” she mumbled, still groggy from waking up ten minutes ago.

Her mom opened the door and walked to the side of her bed, reaching down to run her hand over her hair. The sudden flood of light made her wince, but her mom didn’t catch it. “Good. Michelle is here, remember I asked her to come back when she came over two days ago? I thought you’d be feeling well enough now to have a visitor.”

She pushed up slowly to sit and crossed her legs, and brushed the hair hanging over her right eye back behind her ear.“Yeah, OK Mom. ... It’s about time you let her in, I’m bored senseless!”

“I know, but you know how concussions are. You need to rest, and limit making your brain work. That means no reading, books or computer screens! I know that’s hard for you. But you can talk. Quietly, if that’s possible with you two!” Her mom said as the worried frown she had changed to a little smile.

She started to grin at what her mom said, wondering how many nerd insults he could turn that into, before that thought crashed to a stop. She smiled weakly instead. “OK, Mom, I got it.” It was irritating that she couldn’t even complain right; she found out a day ago that rolling her eyes right now was only going to be painful to her. The smile got a bit bigger as her friend came creeping around her mom into the room, grinning back.

“Hey Crazy Girl” Michelle said softly, hesitatingly waving her left hand a little, as her mom walked out and pulled the door behind her.

Gwen laughed. “You don’t have to whisper ‘Chelle, even if Mom makes it sound like you should. Just don’t shout in my ear!”

Michelle laughed back. “If you say so! … You’ve had a concussion before?” She said, taking a seat near the foot of the bed, looking worried.

“Yeah, a couple years ago when I slipped doing a beam routine at gymnastics. I hit my head on the way down...” she grimaced at the memory. “I had to stay out of school in bed for a week, and I couldn’t practice for months!” Gwen frowned “This time’s even worse, I can’t do anything without getting a headache. It really sucks!”

Then she smiled again “I’m glad you’re here, though. Doing nothing sounds great until you try to do it! And talking to only my parents... well, they try, but there’s only so many times you can talk about what to have for dinner, you know? And Daddy doesn’t even try to tell me about what he does at work any more.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. Maybe you can get one of those books on tape or something.” Michelle smirked as she glanced at the door to make sure it was closed.

“So tell me about the dinner! Was he surprised? What did he think of the shirt?” She bounced from the edge of the bed to the middle facing Gwen, somehow managing to cross her legs in the process. She leaned forward and said “Did he sulk during the drive like you thought he would?!” and snickered.

Gwen laughed again at her friend’s antics. She really was glad Michelle came over, she was tired of doing literally nothing all day. And her bright mood was infectious! Despite how her day started she was feeling better now. Still, when an opportunity to mess with her friend comes along,…

She frowned and said “I already told you about that. I don’t know what else you expect me to say...”

“Oh come _on_ , Crazy! A couple texts doesn’t count and you know it! Tell me!” Michelle groused.

“Now you know what your teasing is like!” Gwen grinned as Michelle smacked her knee and grumbled “You are _so_ awful!”

She smirked a little. “He sort of did, he took 40 minutes to shower and get changed. The shower by itself was a shocker! ... Then he tried to tell me he wasn’t mad that I beat him. He finally told me what he was thinking on the last fall. He… made a mistake.” Gwen looked at her belt display case, then said “If he hadn’t, I might not have won. It was close.” Michele just snorted.

“After that I was getting ready, so I wasn’t watching him.” She cringed. “Turned out I needed more practice with doing makeup.” Then she described the whole wretched fiasco, trying to get the partially acquired skill right and failing more than a few times, taking an hour to do it. When she got to the part where he burst in and saw her, Michelle gasped, then grinned.

“He didn’t really?! He said you _always_ look pretty?! Wow, that’s … that’s amazing, is what that is! At least he got that right!”

Gwen smiled shyly. “Uh huh. Kind of made the whole thing worth it, in a sick way. When I came out after cleaning up, I finally noticed he had changed into his suit.” Another gasp from her friend. “I know! I didn’t even have to say anything to him. He looked so good! But I don’t know what got into him about the tie, I had to straighten that out!”

Michelle was looking at her with wide eyes. “He wore a suit and tie? I can’t even imagine what that looked like!” She laughed, making Gwen join in.

“And he liked the T-shirt?” _He better have, after everything we went through when she got it_ , she thought.

“Yeah, he loved it! He was really surprised, but then he almost tore off the shirt and tie to put it on.”

“Would that have been so bad, watching him?” Michelle said with a sly grin.

“Michelle!” Gwen blurted out as she felt her cheeks start to burn. She hadn’t seen the doofus shirtless since the beginning of school, but when she did it made her brain skid in a direction she never expected. “Anyway, dinner was, well… I don’t remember a lot about it, to tell you the truth, but it was... wonderful! We almost forgot Grandpa was there.” She smiled at the memory before Michelle interrupted her. “You couldn’t tell him then?” She asked, still smirking.

“I said _almost_ forgot. Grandpa was right there!” Her smile faded, but Michelle didn’t seem to notice.

“But you _did_ the last time I texted you?! Right?!”

 _How can she be so excited_ , Gwen thought, unwilling to focus on _that_ , not after the disaster that followed. _Of course she is, she doesn’t know what happened…_

Despite her friend’s oblivious bubbly mood, she felt herself falling back into the dark sadness she had been feeling since the trip back from Kryptos. Gwen felt her eyes welling up as her abrupt mood change finally registered on Michelle, and the girl’s smile disappeared.

“Gwen? What’s wrong? ... Your mom told me the concussion is still affecting you, should I get her?” She said, with a look of deepening concern.

Gwen felt a tear overflow and run down her cheek. She hurried to wipe it away.

“No.” She she said in a shaky voice. “It’s… It’s him. … He can’t feel that way about me any more. He hates me.” Her voice tailed off to a whisper.

“What?! Why? Didn’t you tell him how you feel about him?”

“Yes, before the... crash” Gwen felt miserable, as much about letting her pain show to her friend as about the cause.

Michelle put her hand on Gwen’s and squeezed. “It’s OK, I won’t say anything. Whatever it is, let me help?”

Gwen looked at her and remembered how she lied to her best friend, and she had to still keep most of the truth hidden. But she couldn’t keep up with the constant deception, not with her. Not someone she trusted with her feelings about him, anyway.

“I did... “ She took a deep, shuddering breath. “We were lying on a picnic table in Aunt Vera’s back yard, watching the stars and just talking about… stuff.” She looked away, seeing the picture of them from the first summer on her nightstand and focusing on it.

“That sounds like just the romantic situation you were waiting for, you sly dog!” Michelle gave her a small grin. She knew Michelle was trying to lighten up her mood, like she had in the past. It was almost working.

In spite of her sadness, Gwen felt her face burn. “Yeah, I kept waiting because I wanted it to be just right, you know? He deserved it after I made him wait all those months! So when we saw the shooting stars and it finally was, I told him to close his eyes and make a wish.” Telling the story and watching Michelle’s reaction took away some of the pain - she was hanging on every word. “And then I did it! I kissed him on the lips.”

“Ah, amor!” Michelle could have won an acting award for the melodramatic sigh she made, and Gwen couldn’t help smile shyly at it.

“Then I asked if that was what he was wishing for.”

“And what did he say? Was it what you expected? Did he finally realize you were _âmes soeurs_?” Michelle gushed and batted her eyelids, then smirked. _Maybe this game will make her feel better_ , she thought, and grabbed Gwen’s other hand.

“As if! The little twerp said he wished I was house trained!” She said with faked outrage.

Michelle gasped then stage whispered “He did not!”

Gwen actually giggled. “He did! I was about to let him have it, too, but then he pulled me back to him and... and he kissed me back!”

Michelle’s eyes widened and she sighed, for real this time, then giggled too. “And you gave it right _back_ , didn’t you? That’s my Crazy Girl! … So you found out he really _does_ feel that way about you!”

“Yeah... I lay back next to him so we could just, you know, be together.” She ducked her head and felt the shy smile come back. “And I told him I was sorry I took so long to answer him.”

“So what did he say about that?”

Gwen could feel the heat from her neck up. “I don’t remember, I was kinda frazzled, you know?” Truth was, her brain had gotten stuck, and all she wanted to do was nuzzle his face and wrap her arms around him. “But he smiled at me, and hugged me…" And for that moment, anyway, she let herself feel the way she did that night.

Michelle smiled, and waited a bit before saying anything. _That must have been some kiss_ , she thought. “And you still have his necklace?”

Her question startled Gwen away from the table back to her room. She pulled the Keystone out from its place under her T-shirt and held it, giving Michelle a puzzled look. “Yeah. I only take it off when I have to”, her confused expression changing to another small smile, remembering the night he gave it to her.

Michelle looked like the Coyote had just caught the Roadrunner. “And you really believe the boy that makes you _smile_ like that, and makes you feel like this? The _Doofus_ that waited for you for _five months_ , you think he _hates_ you?”

Gwen’s face fell as she remembered everything else that happened in Phoenix and the two days after, everything she _couldn’t_ tell. All the guilt and grief came flooding back as she softly said “He does. I knew it when he wouldn’t even look at me.” She shuddered and whispered “Because I wasn’t there when he _needed_ me…”

Michelle let go of her hands and wrapped her in a fierce hug. “Oh Crazy! You’re still doing it! … Do you think I made you tell me that because I wanted to know what it was like to kiss your Ben? I’ll find out about all that stuff with my own... I wanted _you_ to remember it! That you feel that way about each other! _You_ do about _him_ , anyway, that much is obvious. Don’t even, you know I’m right! ... Have you talked to him since you got back?”

“No, Mom won’t let me ...”

“So does it make sense that he changed his mind about _you_?”

Gwen shook her head to clear away the confusion at Michell’s words. “No, it.. I... You don’t understand…”

Michelle pulled away to look her in the eyes, but didn’t let go. “Maybe not, but are you sure you do? You can’ know until you talk to him! You owe it to yourself to know, not pretend you do and turn yourself inside out like this! Not again!”

“Talk to him. It’ll be all right, you’ll see!”

/


	14. Simple Things Aren’t Always Easy

Carl’s workshop

June 30, 2000

10:55 AM

Carl sighed as he watched his son fiddle fart with the shop vac, stretching out the simple job of cleaning up the large pile of dust, dirt and other crud he had swept up in the middle of the floor. _If he just focused the kid would have been done ten minutes ago_ , Carl thought. He was tempted to say something about getting his butt in gear, but decided to let it go. Ben wouldn’t say more than a dozen words at a time on a good day since he got back; even attempts at the sarcastic banter they used to play made the boy clam up. Sandy told him they needed to give him some space to get his head right from the accident, but it didn’t seem to be working - he was so withdrawn and sad all the time. He still wasn’t talking to his cousin, and not so long ago Carl thought that would be a good thing. That turned out to be about as wrong as he’d ever been. If it would make his boy smile and be happy again, he’d get her himself right this minute, and the hell with the little voice in his mind.

His musing was interrupted by the low rumble of a V8 just above idle pulling in to the driveway, carrying through the garage and back to his workshop, demanding both their attention. “I’m not expecting any visitors. What’s your social calendar for today look like, Sport?” he called to Ben, trying to catch his eyes and grinning. All he got in return was a feeble snort. Not even a try at rolling his eyes! _What’s it gonna take_ , he thought, a little guilty at being annoyed.

He started walking to the sound, and was pleasantly surprised to see Ben shuffle in the same direction. At least he still had curiosity going for him. When they got to the open garage door, the source of the rumble turned out to be a light blue late 60s Mustang, a convertible no less. The driver switched it off and opened the door to get out, calling out “Hey, Shorty!” and grinning as he stood up.

Carl didn’t recognize who it was right away, what with the baseball cap and sunglasses. He flinched at the word. It was almost guaranteed to get Ben pissed off, even without knowing who was insulting him, as much as he hated being teased over his height. Or lack of it, to be more accurate. He braced for some sort of outburst, but was gobsmacked at his actual reaction.

“Paul?” Ben said with a puzzled look as the driver took off the shades and hat, needing a second or two to place his karate buddy in this unexpected setting. Once he did his face brightened into a small grin. He met his friend at the front of the car, giving the front end an appreciative once-over before looking back at the older boy saying “Holy sh...Dude! This is so cool! Where did this come from?” Then he actually held his right hand up for a high five, which Paul finished with a resounding smack. Both kids grinned, and Carl was left feeling like he was invisible; this was such new behavior for his son. Well, for _him_ to see, anyway, the gesture was obviously old hat between the two boys.

“Like it?!” Paul said. “I got it in Sacramento a couple weeks ago. I was just doing a little work on it, oil change and new brake pads. I was out giving it a test and figured I’d stop by and show it off!” He turned to face Carl. “I hope I’m not causing a problem, Mr T?” he said.

Problem? This was the most energetic he’d seen Ben in a week. The kid could stay all day if it kept Ben in this mood. And the politeness towards him was a nice bonus. Carl finished walking to the car, putting his hand out. “No, no problem, Paul. Good to see you again! I hope the bruises from the tournament didn’t take long to go away!” he said with a smirk.

Paul shook his hand firmly and ducked his head. “You remember that? Yeah, they didn’t last long. At least I didn’t get laid out taking a kick to the chin!” He looked directly at Ben “Don’t I keep telling you to stay focused, especially with her?”

Ben kicked at the tire and grumbled “Give me a break! She got me before I was ready!”For an instant his hang dog look was back, although Carl couldn’t fathom where it came from. It was gone a second or two later, and Ben tried but couldn’t hide a weak grin that showed there was no heat to his reply. Paul just shared the smirk Carl had, and let it go with a snort “Yeah, right!”

Ben’s attention was back on the car, walking towards the back to admire the open interior. “So how fast does it go?”

Paul chuckled “Fast enough! I’ve had it up to 80 or so”, then realized Carl might not be too impressed with admitting to speeding and quickly added “on the freeway! She handles pretty well on El Camino outside of town, too.”

“Sounds like you made some improvement to the exhaust”. Carl pointedly ignored Paul’s inadvertent confession.

“Yeah, the pipes and mufflers were all rusted out, so I had some glass packs installed. Sounds nice, huh?”

“Yep! Even better on the freeway with the top down doing _65_ , I bet!” Carl couldn’t resist. Paul had been pretty quick to figure out the game when he had last been to visit.

Even Ben got into it, finally. “Give it a rest, Dad! It’s not like you go slower than 85!”

Carl smiled. It was good to see his son acting a bit normal. _Hopefully it will last_ , he thought. He rubbed his right hand at the back of his neck. _Maybe there’s a way to help that along_.

He looked at the road, then at Paul, then at Ben. “Why don’t you find out? It’s a nice day and we don’t have any plans. You OK with taking the brat to get lunch, Paul? My shout.” He laughed at the boys’ confused looks. “That means I’m paying.”

They looked at each other and grinned, and Paul said “Sure, I can do that! What do you say, Runt?”

Ben smiled at Carl and said “Duh! Let’s go!”

Carl gave a ‘have fun be careful’ look back as he handed his son a twenty, and watched them jump in the car. Paul blipped the throttle as he started it up, and he had to admit the result sounded great. What a classic muscle car should sound like. “Be back in a few hours, and drive carefully Paul!” he called out as the car stopped backing out of the driveway. The smile on Ben’s face was worth the grief he was sure he’d get from Sandy at letting him go off like this. She’d get over it.

— X —

El Camino Real

North of Bellwood

“Hey, Paul, how’d you know I was home?” Ben looked over at his friend and asked as they drove away from his house. It wasn’t like they kept their summer plan a secret; as far as his classmates knew they should be a few states away by now. Paul glanced at him as he turned off his street towards El Camino.

“The dojo sent an email about classes starting back up in July, asking everyone who was planning to be in it to confirm. You and Gwen are on the list. Sensei sent me a separate message saying you guys had come back early because you were in a traffic accident. He asked if I’d stop by.”

“He did? Why?”

Paul shrugged. “He knows the three of us are friends. I guess he wants to make sure you’re OK.” He stopped at a signal, then turned right onto the main street through town. “So, are you?”

Such a simple question. There were too many ways to answer, most were painful. Ben punted and took the quickest one, one he heard Grandpa say to someone who called while they were coming home from Aunt Vera’s. “We survived, with some bumps and bruises.” He laughed a little when he said it, and then he didn’t have to talk about it for the rest of the call. Ben tried that, too; it wasn’t a lie, after all. There was just no point in spilling the details. He was relieved but a little surprised when all Paul said was “Glad to hear it! Fender benders can be a real pinta”, as he focused on driving.

“Pinta?”

Paul glanced over again and explained “Pain in the ass.”

“Oh. Got it. ... So where are we going?” Ben asked. Paul had just started driving north after they left his house without even checking on where to get lunch. It didn’t matter, really. Bellwood wasn’t that big and he’d been to most of the usual fast food places around his neighborhood, and any of them would be OK. Especially after being cooped up in the house. Never mind that it was his decision to be that way.

“There’s a place up the coast about half an hour that has the best dogs, burgers and burritos. I don’t think you’ll have trouble finding something on the menu. I’ve seen the crap you eat!” Paul smirked.

Ben was about to sass back when Paul shut him up good. He turned onto the freeway on-ramp and hit the accelerator, dumping gas down the carburetor and turning the easy rumble from the exhausts into a full throated roar as the car shot forward. Ben always wondered what it would feel like if his parents ever floored it with the truck or the van, but he was sure it wouldn’t be like this! The way he was pressed back in his seat as the wind curled over the windshield and the engine sang out through the mufflers was _awesome!_ The smile he got from it almost hurt, and he forgot about whatever he was going to say and just sat back to watch the world fly by. He turned to look out the driver’s side and saw Paul with a shit eating grin, heard his friend shout over the wind noise “Not bad, huh?!” He just nodded his head, then glanced at the speedometer. 75, and the car felt rock solid under his butt! _No, not bad at all_ , he thought.

The oceanside shack they stopped at was as good as Paul claimed, Ben discovered. They sat at an outside table away from the front door and dug in - a bacon sausage cheeseburger for him, and a carne asada burrito for Paul, shared chili cheese fries and sodas. ‘Almost as good as from the ‘To’s in PB’ he had told Ben when they ordered. Like that meant anything...

Even she would’ve been able to find something she liked; maybe the three of them could come another time. He started to grin at the daydream, but choked a little as his reality crushed it.

“You OK there, Squirt?” Paul asked around a mouthful.

“Yeah, just a slice of jalapeño I wasn’t expecting” he coughed. Paul looked at him but kept chewing.

“Uh huh. Gotta watch out for surprises like that. ... So, got any new tunes in mind?”

“Yeah, a few...” While they ate, their conversation covered several songs he’d mentioned when he returned Paul’s guitar in May and that he’d heard since then, careful to avoid the ones that had _difficult_ attachments. Paul made a couple suggestions along with some playability comments for songs he already knew.

“With the way you play, you should check out Joe Satriani. His stuff fits your style. More complex than your typical head banger, but not as crazy as Steve Vai. Still, it won’t be a problem for you, I think you’d like it. Gwen probably would, too, since she likes _Cliffs_!” he added with his easy grin. “I saw the new songs you did with my guitar that you put on your Napster list! Pretty cool! Still don’t know how you managed to get all of _Cliffs_ down so quickly... And you’re gonna have to show me how you mixed two guitar tracks into one song! All those tunes sound really good!”

Ben was only half listening, unsuccessfully trying not to focus on the memory of Fourarms jamming for her, watching her dance and smile, scooping her up and hearing her squeal and laugh as he spun them both around! It was one of his best days with her... But his smile turned into a pained frown at the thought there wouldn’t be any more.

“Have you been playing much since you got back?” Paul asked as hegathered up the trash from his burrito, crunched it in a ball and chucked it at a trash can behind Ben, shouting “Yeet!” At the same time Ben mumbled “No, I busted a string last week.”

“ _Yes!_ Nailed it!” as the trash rattled into the can. Paul grinned, pumping his fist before the answer registered. He focused on Ben and frowned. “Another one? How do you go through so many... All right Shorty, the last time I saw you look like that was in January. What’s going on?”

Ben saw the actual magnitude of their ‘fender bender’ start to dawn on Paul’s face. “You got more than a few bumps and bruises, didn’t you? Is Gwen OK?” His frown turned into aworried look.

“Yes. Sort of - she got a concussion and Grandpa said the seatbelt hurt her pretty bad...” His voice trailed off as he stared in misery again at the table top.

“Holy shit! You’ve been sitting on that all this time?! ... You don’t know how she’s doing? Haven’t you two...” Paul stopped and stared at him. “You aren’t talking again? What the hell happened?”

The words tumbled out. “The Rust Bucket crashed while we were in Phoenix the night... _That_ night. She’s getting better! My aunt told my mom a couple days ago. But she sleeps a lot, Aunt Lili says she needs time to recover from the concussion, so I’m not supposed to go over or even text. ... I don’t know what I can say to her... When we crashed she was hurt so bad, and I couldn’t help her. Grandpa and Aunt Vera did, but I didn’t do anything to make her stop hurting!”

Ben was ashamed and scared and alone because of his failure. He looked up at Paul, pleading with his eyes for his friend to understand, feeling them overflowing “I didn’t have her back...” He couldn’t keep talking, he heard his voice shaking and he wasn’t going to wuss out. Not here, not in front of Paul. He hung his head and sniffled.

“Oh, man... Dude, you didn’t cause it. What could you have done to help when she got hurt? That’s what EMTs and doctors are for.”

Ben looked up with watery eyes. “I should have...” But he couldn’t say what he should, what he _could_ have done if he had stayed with her. How he could have wrapped her in Cannonbolt to cushion the crash. Or grabbed her as Big Chill and phased out of the wreck, or... or something besides rushing off to be the _hero_ without waiting for _her_ , for his _partner_. _His_ hero. It was his fault the drone destroyed the RV, and Vilgax made sure he knew it. He felt a tear slide down his cheek and wiped it away angrily.

“I should have done _something_ besides stand there like an idiot! Why would she talk to me now after I didn’t keep her safe?” he glared at Paul.

“Did Gwen say that?” Paul asked quietly.

“No, but I know. We didn’t talk all the way home. She won’t even look at me.” Ben said miserably and put his forehead in his hands, elbows resting on the table.

Paul sighed. “Dude. You don’t _know_ , you just think you do. I get what you’re feeling. I do. But I think I know you both pretty well, and I’m sure that’s not what she feels. About _herself_ , maybe, but not about you.”

He stopped and watched Ben, searching for what to say. “I know this sounds obvious, but it’s true - bad shit happens and sometimes there’s nothing we can do about it. It doesn’t mean you screwed up! She knows you watch out for her, she told me so! Just like she watches out for you, right?”

“Yeah..” he said softly. She did, after she found him.

“And what about you? And your Grandpa?”

“Huh? ... He’s OK.” His nose was much better, he said so when he talked to Ben a few days ago. “I wasn’t... I didn’t get hurt like she did.” Only adding to his guilt.

Paul looked at him carefully. “That doesn’t mean you didn’t get hurt. You’re just able to hide it a little better than she can right now. You’re not OK.”

Ben looked up as he felt a hand on his shoulder. Paul was looking at him sympathetically. “Make this simple for you both, go see her. I know what she means to you. Don’t do January again. Neither of you deserves that.” Paul moved his hand off his shoulder and lightly shovedhis head back off his palms, and said “And you can always unload on me when you need to. Hear me? ... Stubborn little bastard!” with a goofy grin. Ben gave him a grateful look back, scrubbing his cheeks with his hands.

“Come on, clean up that crap. Time to head back. ... I’ve got a cassette in the car I think you’ll like.” Paul stood up and faked a jump shot at the trash can with his empty soda cup, missing it by a mile. “Shit! … No comments from the peanut gallery!” he glared at Ben as he strangled back a snort.

As they got in the car, Ben asked “Um... What the hell is the ‘toes’ you said about your burrito? They don’t really come with toes in them?”

“Dude, for real?” Paul laughed. “Its not like tongue or tripe. It’s a thing in San Diego, there’s a ton of little hole in the wall Mexican joints that sell carne asada, and they all end in ‘to’s’. Alberto’s, Roberto’s, Humberto’s, Aliberto’s ... They’re all over the place, you can’t hardly turn around to sneeze without seeing one! There’s one near the roller coaster in Pacific Beach that I went to all the time. Best Mexican food you’ll ever have! Nothing like them in Bellwood, but this place comes close.”He turned the key in the ignition and popped the gas pedal again, getting a satisfying rumble from the back of the car.

— X —

Ben’s street

1:00 PM

They didn’t talk much on the way home. It wasn’t necessarily that Ben didn’t want to, it was just too hard, what with the sounds of the wind, engine, exhaust (and yes, the motor and exhaust made very different sounds, and both were their own kind of music - who knew!), and Paul’s surf music blasting out of the speakers. He never would have guessed a convertible would be so difficult to talk in; any speed over 40 was just too noisy.

It was just as well, what Paul said had him thinking. Maybe he was dweebing out, overthinking both of their reactions. Could it be as easy as his friend made it sound? Just talk to her...

As Paul turned into his neighborhood, the noise level went down so they could hear each other without yelling again. “The dojo opens up in a couple weeks. I don’t know about you, but I’m a little rusty, there’s only so much you can get from practicing by yourself. Next time I come over we can start getting back in shape again, OK?”

Ben hadn’t considered that. Doing karate meant they’d have to be near each other again. Another reason to just start talking now.

They were on his street, and Paul was saying “... I’ve got to get back, I told my folks we were just getting lunch.” Ben looked over at him, and Paul split his attention from driving and watching him. “Don’t blow off what I said about Gwen. You aren’t OK, not yet. You two need to get together and help each other. Soon.” He pulled into the driveway and stopped the car, switched it off, then gave Ben a serious look. “Got it?”

“Yeah, I heard you.” Ben said as he got out of the car.

“Good.” Paul twisted the key in the ignition, the motor started up with the little explosion again and settled down to idle, and he grinned at the sound. “Jeeze I love that!”

Ben grinned back, then said “Thanks, Paul!” as the blond put the car in reverse, backed into the street and stopped. “De nada. See you later, Runt!” He shifted into drive and pressed evenly on the gas, the glass packs burbling as the car pulled away.

He couldn’t hold back a smile at the sound, either.

— X —

Ben’s Bedroom

1:36 PM

It sounded so easy when Paul said it. Just call her.

It took twenty minutes or so to tell his parents about where they went, did Paul drive safely, what kind of food they had (Mom’s questions, go figure!), more about the Mustang, was the food any good (standard Dad). He finally ran out of things he would say and went up to his room and closed the door. He sat on the edge of his bed, staring at the phone on the nightstand.

It really would be simple, just pick it up and press the speed dial.

All the things Paul said that made so much sense were swept away in the oppressive silence. After she answered, what then? What could he possibly say that would let her forgive him, and be his Dweeb again?

/


	15. And Home Never Felt So Good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more itch that I couldn’t leave well enough alone. I didn’t even plan this, it just popped out while I was trying to finish the last few chapters. 
> 
> Now that the kids are together, what was the drive home like?

  
Rust Bucket 2

On the road between the lake and Gwen’s house

July 26, 2000

While Max was driving back to Gwen’s house, he kept an eye on the rear view mirror to see how his grandchildren were getting along. Spectacularly could be seen as an understatement, given recent events. Where during the drive to the lake they sat in silence opposite each other (but at least they did _that_ , instead of the self-isolation they had been suffering through), on the drive home they were in no mood to stay apart. They were still at the table, sitting... not even side by side, like they used to, but in the space normally taken up by one. Ben had gotten in first, leaning against the side of the RV’s window, with Gwen right behind, using him as a body pillow. Her head was against his chest, and both had their arms wrapped around each other; if it hadn’t been for Ben’s green jacket, it would be hard to tell which arm belonged to which kid. To his relief (he still shuddered a little at the memory of catching them only an hour or so ago) Max only caught them in full lip lock kissing a couple times, and the times they just pecked at each other - on the cheek, the top of her head, his left wrist - _could_ be taken as casual affection. Until he remembered who he was looking at, and their not so distant history of barely tolerating each other. This could get tricky when they got home.

He had accepted their feelings for each other, rather reluctantly after the star gazing kiss (what stars they actually saw - the ones in the sky or the ones swirling around their heads - was open for debate), and reflecting on his sister’s words immediately afterwards.

It was heartbreaking to see the aftermath of their trauma in Phoenix and Kryptos. Although he didn’t understand their self imposed distance, he could see the effects on the trip back to Earth and then Bellwood. If they had only taken refuge in each other, like they had from earlier episodes, they might have been able to recover quicker from this one. For whatever reasons, though, they cut each other off from the only person who could truly understand.

Even he was essentially made off limits to them. After they got home, their parents unloaded several days of fear, worry, and anger; his sons and daughters-in-law had taken turns furiously cussing him out. Bad enough by itself, even if partly warranted. But they did with the kids standing in the driveway listening, wrapping their arms around themselves and staring at the ground, withdrawing further into themselves with each insult and angry word. He understood where it came from and why, and had been prepared to take it. But the message his grandchildren got was clear - Grandpa was not trustable, to talk to or even be around. So they had no one (their parents just weren’t on option) to unload on, to listen to them, to just be with them as they tried to make their twelve years of life cope with the after effects of the attacks that would make hardened combat veterans curl up into a ball.

He got updates on how they were doing, though, and the picture his boys described made him want to weep. They were desperately hiding - from the world, their parents, their friends (but hearing how both did spend time with at least one was a hopeful sign). But mostly each other, and the physical toll was building as much as the emotional one; both of his grandchildren had lost weight and had dark patches under their eyes, and both had the same shellshocked thousand yard stare when he picked them up. A week or so ago their parents came to the conclusion the kids _needed_ each other to get through this, but Max knew they didn’t understand just how much.

Which is what finally pushed him to come to grips with what they felt about each other. What they apparently just sorted out, or had started to, at least; their kissing wasn’t about just surging hormones and pawing at each other. They finally accepted their need, and the depth of their affection was evidently well beyond just that. As young as they were, Max saw the beginnings of what he and his Starshine felt for each other - the caring way they looked at each other; they way they held each other up, literally and figuratively; the way just being together - laughing, angry, scared, teasing, happy - made them better. Who was he to take that away from them?

Today was a good day for his grandkids- what an understatement that was! - and he was relieved as much as he was happy for them. Every day wouldn’t be like this, though; happy as they were now, they were in for some more difficult times. He resolved to help them with those when they came. Just, please, not like the last month had been!

Max sighed to himself and looked back one more time as he drove into Gwen’s neighborhood. They were still curled up together, not talking much and not really aware of anything but each other, judging from the (finally!) peaceful and content looks both had. It made him smile.

Still. As relieved as he reckoned their parents would be at their dramatic change, and seeing them acting more normal with each other again, how much and what kind of interactions they indulged in could become a problem of its own. Would, if he was reading the situation correctly. _Need to pump the brakes a little_ , he thought, figuratively and literally - Max pulled the RV to the curb in front of Frank and Lili’s house and shifted his new Old Girl into Park.

As he walked back to the the dining booth, Gwen and Ben nervously disentangled themselves, and they both slid out with shy smiles so endearing he shook his head and laughed. Then he gave them a serious but not severe look.

“Just... Remember what I said at the lake.” was all they needed.

— B —

Ben opened his eyes and looked down (that brought a small grin to his face, how often did he get to do _that_ to her?) to see the soft mass of flaming red hair that smelled faintly of, what was it today? Vanilla, strawberry, lavender?... her latest shampoo scent, combined with a little fresh grass and _whatever_ else that made it _her_. He felt her pressed against him all over, their arms around each other, her head against his chest, rising and falling with his breathing almost in synch with how his arms moved when her ribs did. All in a way he never imagined - not even close to the once-in-a-while hugs they shared before. Never imagined before today, and now unimaginable to not keep doing.

He was still more than a little overwhelmed. How the hell did this happen?

Not that he wanted it to stop! As far as Ben was concerned, they could stay like this and he’d be beyond happy! From the looks of it, and the little sigh he felt and heard from her, Gwen thought so too.

When he woke up this morning he felt as down as he had all summer so far, earning the ‘Eeyore’ nickname he _hated_ from his Dad. Hated because he knew hiding from her was bringing everyone down along with him, because he knew that’s what Paul was talking about when he said he wasn’t OK. Hated because what his friend told him to do - just go see her - was what he _wanted_ to do, but couldn’t because how could she forgive him?

It was too much to ask. So he didn’t, even when she came into the RV so scared to even be near him she wouldn’t say anything. She sat across from him because she couldn’t stand to be next to him like before, so he didn’t look at her because he knew he was still hurting her just by being there.

And then they were walking next to a lake, as he tried to explain why he couldn’t do karate any more, that he couldn’t take the chance of hurting her, but if she wanted maybe they could see each other after soccer practice and her class...

Ben didn’t really think she would agree, but he made a desperate try to fix his screw up. He was floored, literally, when her reply was to glomp him. He lost track of the details about what happened after that, but he remembered feeling relief, guilt, surprise, and happiness in between hugs, a tickle fight, and almost falling asleep in each other’s arms. Oh, and Grandpa catching them in an incredibly compromising situation! He definitely remembered kissing her, though, _a lot_ , way more than the one under the stars, and her kissing him back, and knowing it meant he hadn’t lost her after all! His best friend, his _Dweeb_ was back again, and he wasn’t going to lose her a third time.

Only she was so much more than a friend. They went back to being best friends after January when they rediscovered (well, _she_ did, anyway; he always knew) they liked being with each other, whether it was heroing, or doing karate, or just hanging out. Even homework, truth be told. But he _knew_ there was more to it when he watched her hurt from her nightmares, and it pained him almost as much because he couldn’t make them go away. He knew when he looked at her on their dinner date and saw she was more than pretty. Just like that lumbering ox she pasted at the tournament, and Paul for that matter, who thought she was hot - they weren’t wrong! He realized he liked hugging and touching each other because it felt good; and how she had been checking him out after dumping the water bottle on him on the first day of school. That was only fair, as he returned the favor more than once when he thought she wouldn’t notice.

Best friend wasn’t nearly enough to cover all that, and more. Ben wasn’t good with words, especially for this new situation they were in; one popped into his mind, but he wasn’t ready to think about it and he pushed it back down. For now, Dweeb was still the best.

— G —

“Doofus?” It was less a question than a way to get his attention. Gwen smiled to herself at how the meaning of that word changed over the years; from when it was almost _meant_ to hurt, to the trigger for that awful (yet in some ways not) Christmas, to thinking of him as her best friend in a way that was more but didn’t compete with Michelle. Now she was even less able to say what it meant exactly, but it was still the best word to describe him.

“Hmn? Yeah, Dweeb?” She heard the same feeling in that word, _knowing_ it was true.

“You didn’t fall asleep on me, did you?” Because the easy rhythm of his breathing and the way they were wrapped together, all warm and comfy, had almost done her in. Not that she would admit it.

“As if! And for the record, _you’re_ on _me_.” Ben snorted softly. Him either. The game was still on, it had just changed. Some. OK, a lot! She felt him adjust his arms and squeeze just a little tighter for a second.

“You know we can’t do this around anyone but Grandpa.”

Kissing, even on the cheek, was right out! Holding hands, touches on the arm or shoulder, sitting together and leaning on each other - they had done done these things before the trip, so they could do them again. Once in a while. They weren’t really enough anymore, but they would do.

She could feel his eye roll. “Yeah, I know” he sighed. “And not too much with him, either. He looked like he was gonna have a heart attack back there for a second. ... I’m not as dumb as people say I am.” She heard the grin in his voice.

Gwen smacked his chest lightly and snorted back. “That’s not what I meant and you know it! ... We just need to do like he said for a while.” _No telling how long ‘a while’ will be._ She knew he was thinking the same thing. She snuggled against him and closed her eyes. Take advantage of the opportunities when they come.

When Grandpa parked in front of her house, they both sighed reluctantly and got up, feeling embarrassed and not at the same time as Grandpa walked back, looking at them in a way he never did before. She watched Ben smile at Grandpa’s laugh just like she was, and nod when the man repeated his warning before he opened the door and walked out.

They caught each other’s eyes one last time before going out the side door, and Ben gathered her into a hug and softly kissed her again. “Ready, Cootie Queen?” he asked, pulling back with a smile. “As much as you are, Doofus!” Gwen returned it, took his hand and squeezed it one last time before letting go and turning to step down. _They_ were finally home from Aunt Vera’s, and they were OK.

— X —

Gwen’s bedroom

11:15 PM

After getting ready for bed, Gwen fell back on it, tired but happy in a way she had been afraid she might never be again. She still felt _good_ , even after Ben and her aunt and uncle left.

She had turned her radio on, volume low enough that it was really just background noise. Even so, it was so much better than the oppressive silence she had almost gotten used to over the last few weeks. The song that was playing forced its way out of the background, and a small smile spread over her face as she listened closer to _All For You_ , a song forgotten on her playlist. It made her think of her Doofus. Funny how the tune affected her now - not like how similar music devastated her only a couple days ago...

_Gwen recognized the song with a gasp a second or two after they entered the shop. It was one he learned for her, and insisted wasn’t a message when he played it. Maybe not then, but now the words were an accusation._

Though the air speaks of all we’ll never be

You won’t trouble me

_It was almost over, thankfully - even the ending was almost too much to deal with. The memories of when he played it were bittersweet - she always felt special watching him play; she couldn’t have imagined that would ever stop._

_She was saved by the DJ’s mindless jabbering._

_“That was_ All I Want _, from a band out of Santa Barbara called Toad the Wet Sprocket, who took the name from a Monty Python skit!It may be a strange name, but they got that song into the top 20 in 1991 so they were doing something right!_

_Next up is a song from the Goo Goo Dolls, who’ll be in Sacramento in a month as part of their latest tour, then heading north with dates in Portland and Vancouver before heading to Hawaii and Australia just in time for spring Down Under! This is_ Iris...”

_The melody was catchy and the volume a touch too loud, impossible to ignore. Unlike other songs, the lyrics were easy to understand, especially as they repeated over and over. She stood and listened, frozen, arms crossed over her stomach, and made it to the bridge before she couldn’t listen any more._

And I don’t want the world to see me

Cause I don’t think that they’d understand

When everything’s made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

_It shouldn’t have gotten to her, it wasn’t that kind of song, but something about it made her emotions flood free. Gwen turned before Michelle even knew there was a problem and fled out the door, around the side of the building to escape the music and the hurt. She collapsed against the wall, hugging her knees and sobbing._

_She hadn’t even talked to him for a month, let alone been together. She felt like they didn’t know each other at all anymore. How did it all go so wrong?_

_Michelle appeared next to her almost in a panic herself. “Gwen? What’s wrong?”_

_Gwen could only whisper “He’s gone” between sobs. “He’s gone, and I miss him...”_

It was hard to believe that day was real now. Because of him, her Doofus, she wasn’t alone, like she had been when she woke up that morning. She still could hardly believe how they changed in an afternoon, and how much she was looking forward to tomorrow! Before she could go to sleep, though, she needed to do something.

She sat up cross-legged and adjusted the sheet over her lap, staring at the too-long-dormant flip phone on her nightstand. After a long minute of lingering doubt that she knew was irrational but there anyway, she picked it up and shook her head. “Just send it” she said softly, and thumbed out a short text, adding an attachment.

**Gwen 11:17 PM > Hey Doofus[Attached file: all-for-you.mp3]**

She waited nervously for a reply, and took a deep breath when her phone pinged a few minutes later.

**Ben 11:23 PM > Get some sleep DweebSee you tomorrow [Attached file: thinking-of-you.mp3]**

“Good night, Doofus!” she whispered, her relief magnified by the same warm, happy feeling she had on the drive home.

Gwen hit the ‘Play’ control, pulled the covers up to her neck and listened for half a minute, then smiled while the tune continued as she drifted off. She could still feel his lips on hers, and him holding her on the way home. Just like when she fell asleep in his arms on New Year’s. For the first time since January, she knew the nightmares wouldn’t come tonight, and sleep came as a welcome friend.  
  


— X —

Ben’s bedroom

11:15 PM

The radio on his nightstand was playing the usual unremarkable pop-rock when he went to brush his teeth. Now, though, he heard a pretty cool, driving mix of lead and rhythm guitars, bass and drums (and violins, too - when did that become a thing?) spilling from his room as he walked from the bathroom down the hall. The vibrant sound of the guitars playing the chorus caught his attention and he found himself not-quite-dancing to the beat as the corners of his mouth curled up into a small grin. He cringed by reflex, though, when he made out the tag line in the lyrics from the harmonies as he went into his room and closed the door...

_I’m crazy for this girl..._

This was definitely _not_ his normal taste in music! Still, the guitar riffs would be fun to play.

It wasn’t all that long ago lyrics like that would have either been un-noticed background noise or something to dramatically gag at, and only yesterday they would have been punishingly mocking. Now, though, they and the music were as good a way to describe his feelings as any words he could come up with. It got him thinking about the conversation he had with Paul a couple days ago, and a different kind of music he was listening to...

“ _You look like hell, Squirt. ... It’s killing me to see you guys like this.” Paul said as they both sat down with their root beer floats outside the Foster’s Freeze._

_Ben was staring at the Mustang in the parking lot, and tried to object, “I’m not that bad” before the boy cut him off._

_“Dude, you look like you missed the drop-in on a gnarly-ass wave, and it fucked you up good before spitting you out!”_

_Ben was shocked by that word and jerked his head up to look at his friend. Paul cussed as a natural part of speaking, but he’d never dropped an f-bomb before._

_“I have your attention now?” Paul said with a half smirk. “Sorry, but I don’t have a slushball handy. ... You know, you can tell a lot about someone from what music they’re listening to. From the looks of things I’m pretty sure what your playlist is like, and why. Let me see.”_

_Ben looked away again, embarrassed now by his mopey behavior, and the quick realization that the list he put together sounded every bit as dark as his mood._

_Paul was insistent “Come on, cough it up,” holding out his hand. Ben grudgingly pulled the otherwise unused phone from his pocket, then handed it off without a word._

_He watched through downcast eyes as Paul scrolled through the playback list, mumbling along as he went “Uh huh, thought so ...R.E.M._ , I Miss You _, Cranberries,_ Thinking of You, All Alone, Cryin’ _\- glad you found Satriani, but those weren’t the tunes I had in mind...”_

_“That’s pretty depressing, Shorty.” Paul said, louder but without looking up from the phone. “I haven’t seen a set list like this since I... in a long damn time. You missed some, though, I’ll send you some links.” Ben wasn’t sure if that was a joke or not._

_Paul looked back at the list, reading to the end, and mumbled some more “_ Just Remember I L- _“ and stoped reading out loud, giving Ben a sharp look before finishing the rest of that and the last title silently, ‘..._ Love You, Who Loves You’. _Ben ducked his head and mentally listed the last two items, and felt his cheeks heat up. He figured Paul would know the words to those songs, even as old as they are (what_ didn’t _the SOB know, music-wise?), and they put a completely different spin to the rest of the list. His friend would figure out he wasn’t just missing Gwen, he wanted in the worst way to take away her hurt, if she would let him._

_Paul looked up from the phone to see Ben looking back at him almost desperate to explain, but afraid to. “What’s with the last two songs? Firefall and Frankie Valli? How do you even_ know _those?!” He snorted softly. “Those are some really loaded lyrics....”_

_“Something else happened to you two, besides the wreck.”_

_It wasn’t a question, and Paul wasn’t really expecting an answer from the look he had. Ben just nodded once, then looked away, too scared to volunteer one, anyway._

“ _So it makes you listen to songs like this” holding up the phone. “I get it. Sometimes you need music that goes with your mood, even a shitty one. ... Do me a favor? Don’t overdo it. And remember what you listen to can get you_ out _of a lousy mood, too. You need to do that. You can’t help her if you’re too messed up. And she definitely could use your help.”_

The song didn’t make him feel on top of the world right now - that was all _her_ \- but it was great to hear something up beat for a change. Ben did a Yahoo search for the tag line that turned out to be the title. He read the lyrics after downloading the tune, and amazed himself again at how over-the-top weird he was acting, even for him. Since when did he go for sappy love songs? But after what happened today, listening to a dopey song was way better than how he felt listening to the sad songs on that list.

As he finished reading the lyrics, his phone buzzed for the first time in over a month. Sure enough, his Dweeb sent the message, along with an attachment. He plugged in the cable for his headphones and double tapped it, and grinned after the intro as he listened to the words, caught up in the dopey song she sent.

He had done what Paul suggested when they took the drive up the coast, he looked up Joe Satriani’s songs, and he planned to learn several. One in particular, that also fit how he felt now after she sent her song. He smiled and tapped out a reply and sent it, then played it for himself as he crawled under the covers. He _was_ thinking of her, after all.

So he liked playing silly love songs? What’s wrong with that?

Once in a while.

/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music I was listening to while I was scratching out the last chapters, sentimental git that I am.
> 
> Who Loves You, Frankie Vallie and The Four Seasons  
> Far Away, Nickleback
> 
> And songs in the story:  
> All for You, Sister Hazel  
> Thinking of You, Joe Satriani  
> Crazy For This Girl, Evan and Jaron


	16. You Don’t Say

Ben’s House

July 31, 2000

10:55 AM

“So what are you two going to do today?” Ben’s mom asked a trifle anxiously, trying and absolutely failing at a neutral expression, looking at them over the kitchen island and sliding a refilled glass of OJ to her. One Gwen didn’t ask for but drank anyway - good thing it was a small glass. Ben finished the last swallow of his and rinsed out his glass at the sink before sitting on the stool next to hers.

“I don’t know, Aunt Sandy. Hadn’t thought about it yet. But it is a really nice day, we should do something outside for a while.” Gwen said, turning to look at Ben. She glanced at the clock on the stove and grinned at the idea that popped into her head, “What if we go get lunch somewhere? I’m sure we can find something to do when we finish.” _Something that’ll get us out of the house and_ alone _for a while!_

Their parents were ecstatic but still mystified at their abrupt attitude adjustment towards each other. So much so that it didn’t matter who went to who’s house, there was always someone _watching_ , somehow amazed that they could be friends again. It was starting to creep her out.

“I don’t know, Dweeb, I don’t want to go to the mall food court, we’ll just end up _shopping_.” Ben spit the last word out like it was the boiled cauliflower his Mom tried to pass off on him and his Dad at dinner once. “Ugh!”

“Hey! You had fun last summer!” Ben groaned and started to roll his eyes. “Don’t even give me that, Doofus, you know you did! I have pictures to prove it. Or don’t you remember that outfit I picked out for you?”

For a second or two she saw his eyes light up as his smile matched hers at the shared memory, only to be replaced by a look of pure horror. “You have a _picture_ of that?!” Ben gasped. “No fair!”

Gwen laughed as much at his mom’s bemused expression as the red spreading over her cousin’s cheeks.

“Do I even want to know about that?” the woman asked.

“NO!” Ben shouted as he jumped off the counter stool, staring at Gwen. “You _can’t_!”

That only made her slap her hands over her mouth to cover a giggle. Which didn’t really work, earning her a toxic glare. “Geez, Ben, freak out much? Calm down, I don’t have it _with_ me. ... Better watch yourself, though, or I may have to make a copy or two. Who knows where they may end up up?” Her giggles were replaced with her best smirk as Ben sat back down, face still burning.

“Evil, wicked witch!” he grumbled with a frown, distinctly loud enough for her to hear. And Aunt Sandy, who was still watching them with amused fascination.

“Besides, I was thinking about places closer by. There’s lots of little fast food joints we can walk to.” Gwen said.

Ben’s eyes lit up again. “Hey, yeah! And after we eat we can go to the music store. I’ve needed to do that for a few weeks. Is that OK, Mom?”

She smiled and nodded her head. “Well, if you don’t go much further than that. ... Yeah, go ahead! Looks like now you two have a plan! Have fun, and let me know where you are. Gwen, I’ll be looking for texts from you, we both know how he is.”

“Right! OK Aunt Sandy. I will.” Gwen said with a smirk as they both stood up. Ben made a show of looking up at the ceiling and spreading his arms. “It just never stops!” he said in a long-suffering tone before letting his arms drop and started for the front door.

As they walked down the sidewalk away from his house, Gwen asked “So what are you in the mood for?”

“I was thinking that new BBQ place next to the music store. I’ve wanted to try it since May. ... Is that all right with you?”Gwen grinned at how he ducked his head with his question, and the genuine interest in her agreement or not. Even a few months ago he would have just assumed she would go along, if he even thought about her opinion at all.

“Sure!” she replied happily. She reached out with her left hand to take his right, interlacing her fingers with his. Ben looked at her in surprise as she gave him a shy smile. In the few days since Grandpa’s birthday they had both been cautious about any shows of affection, but they were far enough away from his house that Aunt Sandy couldn’t see. And holding hands wasn’t that big a deal, was it?

He looked down as he raised their hands a bit, but didn’t let go. Then he let them drop and made an exaggerated arm swing for a step, and looked at her with an equally timid and adorable smile, making her want to skip along a few steps. _OK, where did_ that _girly idea come from?_

The rest of the walk to the strip mall took maybe 15 minutes, with the conversation alternating between what other restaurants were close by, and comparisons to some of the wretched messes Grandpa tried to pass off as “real home made” whatever. It didn’t matter what they talked about, they were together for a normal, brilliant summer day. _You could almost call it a date,_ she thought. And she could feel her cheeks heat up at that, even if her Doofus chattered away without noticing.

— B —

As they entered the music store, Ben led the way directly to the guitar supplies section. He’d done it enough times now that he could find his way with his eyes closed.

“What do you need to get, Ben?” Gwen asked as he stopped in front of the replacement strings, making the answer obvious. “Again?! I thought you got new strings after our parents went to that wine festival. How do you break so many?” she said, her voice a little lower.

She had that worried look on her face that Ben knew would just get worse if he tried to blow it off, the one that drove him crazy because he _always_ did something that made her hurt. And he’d been so careful not to over the last couple of days.

“I didn’t ...“ He was almost shouting, loud enough that the teen boy behind the counter looked over and scowled at them.

“I didn’t mean to.” He continued in a softer voice. “I was trying to play a few days after we...got back.... It wasn’t fun.” _What an understatement_ that _was,_ he thought as he shuddered. He was staring at his shoes when he felt her hands take his. “Oh.” was all she said, a whole conversation in that single word.

He felt her squeeze his hands and looked up to see her green eyes, so serious and haunted. “Ben” she said softly back, and he winced at his memory and the hurt flashing over her face. “Doofus, I didn’t mean to... We can’t pretend last month didn’t happen. And we can’t walk on eggshells around each other. I’m still your Dweeb, right?” She gave him a little smile.

“You can talk to me about it. You know that, right?” She looked around. “Not right here, though. Not nearly public enough.” She said with a conspiratorial tone as she let out a short laugh and squeezed his hands again.

Ben chuffed like he used to when he was Wildmutt, and felt his eyes almost overflow. “Yeah, I know.” He squeezed back, then let go, blinking away some bluriness. He turned back to the strings and grabbed two packets. “Good thing these aren’t very expensive, I can get a spare set.”

He turned and walked down the aisle towards a wall with two dozen guitars hanging on display. He looked, but didn’t dare touch the ones with four figure price tags. Gwen followed, asking “Thinking of upgrading?”, then started turning red, ducked her head and looked away.

“Didn’t you just say something about eggshells?” he grinned and raised an eyebrow as he turned to look at her. She gave him a sheepish smile back and shrugged her shoulders.

Ben stopped at a demo display of a mid-price guitar and amp, hooked up and ready to go with the ‘Power’ light glowing and thought _I wonder if I can still_... He looked over at the counter and caught the teen’s attention. “Hey, is it OK if I give this rig a try?”

“I don’t know, dude, do you know what you’re doing?” the guy challenged back.

“Yeah, I do” Ben replied, confidently, “but if you think I’m not then we’ll leave right away. OK?”

He watched the guy give an indifferent shrug. “That’s what it’s there for, kid. Let’s see what you got. Keep the volume down.”

Gwen was watching with a smirk, and a hint of apprehension. “I hope you know what you’re doing, dork!”

“Relax, nerd brain, I got this! Just don’t embarrass me by spazzing out.” he snarked back as she blurted out “I don’t spazz out!”He sat down and picked up the guitar, found a pick and ran his fingers over the strings, taking in the tone and adjusting it and the volume knobs.He did a couple finger warmups Paul taught him, then launched into a song. Counter Guy recognized it right away, followed by Gwen a few bars later. She gasped as the guy shook his head and called out “ _My Sharona_?! You’ve _got_ to be kidding!”

Ben just smiled as his fingers got the rhythm and adjusted to the feel of this axe. They flew over the strings on the body and neck without faltering, and he nodded in time as Counter Guy started to do the same. His confidence built, so Ben skipped over repeating the chorus and started the solo. He saw Gwen grinning ear to ear and almost dancing near him - arms and shoulders bobbing as she swayed to the beat, the sight as magical to him now as it was the first time he saw it - as his fingers did their dance on the instrument. A small crowd of customers had drifted to the display wall from where they were in the store to watch. He closed his eyes when he got to the most intricate picking to concentrate on it, throwing in a few personal licks, and _felt_ the music he was drawing out of the guitar, like it was an extension of his arms. He opened his eyes as he finished the bridge and started the transition back to the chorus, then stopped after a few more measures. No one really liked the chorus that much, anyway, and he heard enough to know he was _really_ ready for a more capable instrument than his.

Ben’s face hurt from the smile he had, and the feeling he got from the song was amazing! _Yep, still awesome_ , he thought to himself. He looked at Counter Guy, who must have liked what he heard since he had a grin, too, and called out “Nice job, kid!” before turning back to a customer, and the rest of the crowd went back to their business. Some were even nodding appreciatively.

He almost jumped off the stool as Gwen wrapped her arms around him from behind, resting her chin on his right shoulder so she could whisper in his ear “That was great, Doofus! Better than the first time I heard it!” The feel of her breath sent a chill down his spine and made his heart race as he put the guitar in its stand and hugged her arms.

“Glad you liked it, Dweeb!” he answered softly, and sat there for a few seconds more before she let go and he stood up.

“I guess we should head back.” Ben said as they walked to the counter to pay for the strings. Counter Guy looked up and grinned again as he handed over the two packs. “That was good, kid. How long have you been playing?” the teen asked as he rang up the sale.

“Four years, off and on” he said as he ducked his head a little and pulled out some cash. He’d heard his Dad use that phrase and thought it fit the situation.

“No shit?!” The boy looked impressed. “You made that guitar sound good! Looking to get a new one?”

“Nah, not really. Just checking out the sound. Maybe later.”

“Not too soon to start giving hints for Christmas. ... Here’s your strings, and the change. Come back again. And bring another tune, there’ll be a different guitar on display!” Ben nodded and grinned as he turned towards the exit.

“Think your head will fit through the door after all that?” Gwen smirked as they left the counter.

“You heard that guy. He thought I did good.”

“Psht! He’s buttering you up for a sale!” Gwen teased as they walked along the front of the strip mall.

“Please! He just saw my awesomeness and had the good grace to recognize it!! You should try it sometime.”

“Think so?” Gwen said, taking a quick look around. They were in a long stretch of windowless stucco wall between store entrances, with no other foot traffic nearby. Ben was caught completely off guard as she grabbed a fistfull of his shirt and pulled him back against the wall, and kissed him firmly on the lips. His brain turned to mush and lost track of time as he tasted bubblegum before she pushed him away a little - but didn’t let go - with a smile. “How’s that for recognition?!”

“Oh, yeah, that’s way better!” he said, collecting his wits and grinning. Then he leaned forward, tilting his head to the left and kissed her back, lingering as he wrapped his arms around her sides as hers went around him, one around his neck and the other to his head, fingers gently curling into his hair. This one lasted considerably longer, before they reluctantly pulled apart, both taking a quick look to see if anyone was staring at them.

Gwen giggled as they saw no one was close enough to pay attention to them at all. Still, Ben felt his cheeks burning. “You should see your face, Doofus! That’s a good one!”

“Yeah, well, you look pretty boiled, too, lobster tail!” He grabbed her hand and pulled her along with him. “Mr Smoothie is just across the parking lot. We can stop and get one so you can cool down before we go home.”

— X —

“... you poke the end through the bridge like this and pull it until it stops, then you psh it through the hole in the tuning peg up here. Bend the free end up like this, hold it here on the peg, turn the knob to tighten and make sure the string winds down the peg, like that, aaand.. That’s it! That’s how you fix a broken string.” He grabbed the pliers off the desk and clipped of the excess wire.

“Now I just have to tune it and I’m ready to play again.” Ben dropped the pliers and grabbed his phone, flipping it open with a flick of his thumb and started a tuning application. He picked up his guitar and plucked the new string, the exceptionally flat tone making him grimace and the screen on the phone flash orange. “Ugh, man, that hurts!” It was in tune soon enough, though, as the phone’s screen changed colors from orange to yellow to green while he turned the tuning knob and picked the string. He looked up and strummed across all the strings with a satisfied grin.

“How does your phone do that?” Gwen asked, eyes wide with surprise.

“Sooo, there’s this thing called the Internet, see, and people use it to be helpful by posting all kinds of useful stuff. I found a program for tuning guitars, and, well, there it is.” Ben said with his best innocent look, in the same ultra-patient and patronizing tone of voice they used when explaining high tech to their parents. The one she often used on him. He rarely had the opportunity to reverse the situation, so he took full advantage of it now.

“I’m surprised a nerd like you doesn’t know about it.”

“Ha ha, knucklehead! I’m just shocked you figured it out. I _knew_ you didn’t write the program yourself!” Gwen answered back with as much sarcasm as she could, trying hard to contain a giggle through her mock glare. She got up from the desk and started arranging pillows on his bed so she could sit back, but Ben saw her shoulders shake a few times as he stared at her back.

“Now why would I bother with that when there are geeks like you giving stuff away?” He grinned back. “Instead of learning all that programming crap I focused on being creative.”

“Is that what you call it? Sounds more like five monkeys randomly making noise to me!” She turned around and flopped back into the pillows and smirked back. They would be sorting out this more-than-friends thing for a while, but she was still Gwen, with all the smartass snark that was an essential part of _her_. 

“And you love it! So now that I fixed the string and tuned it, got any requests?”

Gwen smiled at him and his heart stuttered. “We know you haven’t completely forgotten how to play that thing. And I’ve listened to your recordings so much I started to think what came out of the dinky phone speaker sounded good!” She huffed out a disgusted snort.

“Remind me what it’s _supposed_ to sound like! Your pick.”

“Gotcha covered!” he grinned back, standing a few feet from his desk facing her and slung the guitar over his shoulder. He tapped out a moderate tempo for six beats and started, picking out two measures of a familiar tune, waiting for her reaction. He got what he expected, sort of.

Gwen shrieked out “Not _that_ one, you doofus!”, grabbed a pillow and chucked it at him. Ben ducked from it with a cackle as he stopped playing the song.

“What? You don’t like R.E.M.?”

She snorted. “No, not really. They’re way too pretentious. And _especially_ not _Everybody Hurts_! I think we’ve done more than enough of that!” She shuddered as her face fell for a second, then she shook her head and looked back up at him with an evil smirk.

“If you do something like that again, I’ll...” Ben was on the verge of cracking up as he watched her think up a suitably awful retaliation to threaten him with, her eyes sweeping his room and stopping at an unstable pile of comics spilling off a bookcase shelf. “I’ll make all your comic books disappear to a place you won’t find for three months!” _Can’t really destroy books, even his stash of brain rot_ , she thought. The idea made her snicker, though.

“You will not!” Ben gasped in mock horror.

He knew the song she wanted to hear, and his fingers itched to play it. His right hand tapped out the beat and started the alternating notes of the intro to _their_ song, and almost laughed when Gwen clapped her hands twice and couldn’t hold back her delighted squeal as he hit the first two power chords. Despite successfully pulling off the solo riff at the music store, the misery from his attempt to play after they got back from Aunt Vera’s had made him afraid of his guitar. But hearing that sound and watching her sway her body and move her arms where she sat, and seeing _that_ smile on her face was like magic, sweeping the pain and doubt from the past month away. He played like he did that night last fall, and he couldn’t stop a short laugh as she caved in and jumped off his bed to dance the way she did then, too. He couldn’t keep his eyes off her, including staring with appreciation when she twitched her hips and butt as she spun around. His fingers flew with confidence on the strings, and he mirrored her enthusiastic dancing by copying the stage theatrics his musical heroes used when he got to the solo of _Detroit Rock City_. He rocked his upper body back and forth in time with the music, dramatically sweeping his arm across the guitar’s body on the downbeat of the power chords. Gwen stopped dancing to watch him with a surprised smile as he preened for her, then started back up when the solo ended and he was back to the chorus. She spun and jumped with the grace and power of a mountain lion and kicked her feet as the song approached the end, and she threw her hands in the air with the same excitement he did on the final note!

“YES!” Gwen exclaimed, then let her arms fall to rest on her knees as she bent over, looking up at him with a radiant smile between deep breaths.

Ben stared into her green eyes, totally lost in the joy they sparkled with. It was awesome! So much so that he didn’t see her glomp coming, knocking him back a step into his desk, his hands finding the edge to keep from falling down as the guitar hung from the strap over his shoulder. Gwen didn’t seem to mind it digging into her middle as she threw her arms around his neck and held her head against his.

“I’ve been dying to hear that for weeks! That was amazing, hero!” she said softly in his ear, sending a shiver down his back again. She was getting really good at that!

Her last word caught up with him, and he pulled his head away and stared across the room. “I don’t think I’m _that_ any more.” he said quietly. Gwen slid her hands from his neck to his cheeks and turned his head to face her again.

“Of course you are! You’ll always be my hero, Doofus! Never doubt that!” she replied, then kissed him softly.

She pulled back with a smile that lit up his world. “That doesn’t mean you’re done, though!Come on, you can do more. You know you want to!” She said in a playful tone as she stepped back and sat on the edge of his bed, kicking her feet and waiting expectantly.

He really did, now that the guitar was becoming a way to have fun again, instead of a source of pain. The two songs he’d done so far were ones he absolutely _knew_ from plenty of practice, and as fun as they were they weren’t the most challenging ones on his playlist. Ben had a nagging feeling that he couldn’t play the songs he learned the day he spent as Fourarms with Gwen, and he needed to find out. Her smile steeled his resolve, so he smiled back as he took up the guitar again and mumbled “Let’s see if I remember anything from Fourarms”, knowing full well she heard it.

Pushing his fears aside, he started on the most challenging and rambunctious tune, the metal version of the _William Tell Overture_ that he only played as the big red guy. The intro started a bit iffy as he split his concentration between his hands before recalling how Fourarms stopped doing that and just let the notes flow from his fingers. He closed his eyes like he did then, not sure if it was going to work, and was happily surprised to hear the lead guitar line wailing from the amp as his fingers flashed over the strings. With only one guitar it wasn’t as full and complex as his alien form did it, and he stumbled in places when the right notes and chords just weren’t there. His enthusiastic playing and the fast tempo smoothed over the rough spots though, just like Paul taught him, and he grinned and opened his eyes to see what she thought.

Gwen must have liked it at least a little, based on what Ben saw. She was nodding along with the beat and had a little smile, but definitely not the excited reaction she had that afternoon. Ben wasn’t surprised about that, since it was too fast to dance to and really a spur of the moment thing at the time, but now he knew at least some of what he did in the alien form would stay with him. He wrapped up the song and launched straight off into one he knew she liked, and was glad to see her get up and dance some more, smiling and sometimes laughing when he pulled off a tricky bit of improvising.

She was breathing harder than usual when he finished but still managed to tell him she liked it. “That’s more like it! You know I’m not a big fan of heavy metal!”

“Pfft! That wasn’t exactly heavy metal” he scoffed, “but I get your point. I just wanted to see if I could do as me what I did as Fourarms.” He shook out his hands to relieve some cramping. “Here’s one I did as both of me that you said you liked. Not really a dance tune, though, I think you need a rest - you look pretty ragged!” he snarked.

“As if! I can do this all day! You know how hard Sensei makes us work.” Gwen ducked her head as soon as she said it, but he laughed and shot back “Uh huh. Except _I’m_ the one running five or six miles a week during soccer practice!”

He ran the pick over the strings as she sat back into the pillows, and turned the volume down a notch. Even his Mom said she liked the tune, and they really didn’t want her coming in to comment on it.

He started the intro, right hand flying over the pickups while his left danced over the guitar’s neck from the body up to the tuning pegs and back down before smoothly transitioning into the chorus of _Cliffs of Dover._ Between what Paul taught him and his experience playing it as Fourarms and his regular self, he nailed it, and knew he could shred the bridge! The thought made him smile, like _hers_ when he looked up at her. _That_ smile, the one that made him feel like he did when Sensei awarded him the green belt after all the help and encouragement she gave him.

The complex notes and rhythm came effortlessly to him as he ripped through the bridge, as happy memories of previous times with her in the same spot on his bed flashed in his thoughts. Times he was sure would never happen again, and now here they were! His vision got a little blurry as he improvised some new runs and trills to the tune, all the while thinking how awesome it was to have his best friend back! He had to blink a few times to clear up his vision, looking down so she wouldn’t notice. He played through the rest of the song, finishing with one last dramatic sweep of his arm on the final chord. 

When he looked up he was a little surprised that Gwen was beaming at him. He knew he played the hell out of that tune, but he didn’t think it was a particular favorite of hers. He was even more amazed when she got up and took the few steps to stand in front of him.

“That was a sweet thing to say, Doofus! That’s how I think of you, too!” Gwen said with a shy smile, then leaned in with a lingering kiss on his cheek. “Thank you!” she whispered softly before she pulled back.

Ben was gobsmacked. He knew he didn’t say anything, but he also knew he better not blurt that out. He felt his cheeks burn, and instead said “Um, you’re welcome... ?”

“You did say I was your best friend?” she asked, red creeping over her face at his uncertain reply.

“You are, you definitely are! But I didn’t think I said it out loud.” he tried to explain. “I was thinking it though!” He added hastily at her falling expression. And tasted cinnamon roll when he played that improvised riff, now that he thought about it. He sucked in a sharp breath as she turned away from him with a look of confused embarrassment, and played it again. _You are the best friend I ever had!_ He really loved that taste!

“I know I heard it, Ben - you just said it again! If you don’t mean it, why do you...” she said with growing irritation. She whirled around to look back at him to see his grin and hear the fading note from the amp as he pointed to his closed mouth with his left index finger. Then he held up his right hand and flicked his wrist back and forth, light flashing off the reflective pick he was holding. He _knew_ what she was tasting, and his grin expanded into a smile while he watched it click into place in her thoughts.

“Is that... marshmallows?” Gwen mumbled, then gasped with the realization. “Oh my god, the bugs! The brain bugs are learning how to translate music as a language!”

“Took ya long enough! ... Yeah, Grandpa said they would for new languages, remember?”

Gwen nodded her head with her mouth open in astonishment, closed it and searched his eyes with hers. “Do you mean it, Doofus?” she asked quietly.

He looked away and rubbed the back of his head with his left hand as he stared off nervously for ten seconds. _Screw it_ , he thought, _don’t mess this up! Just say it out loud_ , visibly swallowed hard and looked directly into her eyes with a shy smile.

“Well, the bugs haven’t screwed up before, have they?”

Gwen nodded again and smiled back, thinking, then reached out to grab the strap holding the guitar and slipped it over his head, and set his axe next to the desk. Then she pushed him firmly with both hands on his chest, turning him and making him step back until his legs ran into the edge of his bed. She gave him a good shove as a shocked look covered his face, along with an intense burn. He fell back into the pillow pile she made, squirming back towards the foot of the bed so he wasn’t completely flat on his back, frantically trying to figure out what she was up to as Gwen took a quick glance at the closed door to the hall. Then she followed him, crawling on her hands and knees up his outstretched legs and over his body until she loomed down at him like a cat that just caught a mouse with an adorably sly grin; and since when did words like _adorable_ become a part of his vocabulary?

Her face was inches away from his, equally flushed, as another shiver ran down his back. “This seems familiar...” she purred.

Ben’s tense surprise lasted another second, then he relaxed and grinned back. “Think we can get it right this time, Dweeb?” he said softly, and wrapped his arms around her back.

Her grin spread into a full smile before she whispered back “Happy New Year, Doofus!”. Then she met him halfway as he was leaning up, pressing his lips gently against hers, and kissed him back like she should have all those months ago.

/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm happy to be able to include some art from soegs for the music store scene! Definitely not mine - I wish I had some artistic ability.


	17. What’s Up With Those Two?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More on how the kids might act between LMR and BP. To answer a reviewer’s question - I have a couple more ideas I’m toying with in my slack time. Thanks.
> 
> /

Need a Lift?

Rising Phoenix Dojo

Late August

6:40 PM

— B —

Ben could feel the bruises forming up and down his sides as he crossed the parking lot to the dojo, the aftermath of a goal kick drill at the end of practice. Every one of his soccer team mates got two tries to get the ball past him, even the second goalkeeper - 30 shots he had to defend against from a dead standstill, with no breaks in between. Sure, a lot of them weren’t all that hard to stop, even a few whiffs where the kids just dribbled the ball directly at him barely faster than a pass. But there were some good players on the team who could give the ball a hard, accurate kick at all four corners of the goal. He had to leap at them fully stretched out with his fists over his head for even a chance to deflect them, landing with the sides of his body unprotected from the lumpy, rock-hard dry ground. Not to mention the actual fist sized rocks that seemed to always be right where his ribs or thighs hit, no matter how carefully he searched for them before the drill started. Seventeen shots got past him, and for most his body hit the ground in the same five or six places - it was hard to tell since the first individual bruises kept getting abused and got bigger and deeper. At least he’d have some winners for tonight’s bruise contest. Pulling up his shirt to show off the ones on his ribs would be good for a wicked deep flush on her face, too. And he couldn’t get enough of the soothing feeling of her hands as she used her magic to make the injuries heal. Score!

It was ironic when he thought about it; the “safe”, non-violent sport (at least according to his Mom) more often than not left him with uglier bruises than karate ever did. It drove the Dweeb crazy, just like any other competition with him that she lost. When he got one on his face, though - not uncommon as it turned out - it got him a make-the-booboo-better kiss on the cheek. Bonus!

So in spite of the aches and pains, Ben was feeling pretty good as he approached the front of the dojo, despite the abuse his body just took. Having to limp home, especially with the deep purple and sickly yellow patches throbbing painfully on his right thigh, was going to suck. But spending the night at Gwen’s while his parents went to the U2 concert would make up for it, even if they had to be on their best behavior.

Class had ended about ten minutes earlier so the stream of gi-clad students and their parents was just starting to come out of the doors. Most of them recognized him and waved a greeting that he returned as he stopped and dropped his gym bag and a ball next to a sky blue classic Mustang parked six spaces from the doors. This was as close as he wanted to get so he could avoid the inevitable questions he didn’t want to answer.He leaned against the right front fender and waited patiently - they would be coming out soon.

“Hey! Pendejo! You wanna get you’re scrawny ass off my car!?”

Ben scowled hard as he looked towards the owner of that voice and saw a moderately tall, wiry blond teen in a gi with a blue belt glaring at him as he walked purposefully from the doors in his direction. A couple white belts hanging around the front looked nervous, clearly wary of trouble, as were several parents. Behind them all Gwen was walking slowly towards him as well, covering her mouth with a hand to hide the smirk he saw as the boy called out his challenge.

“This POS is yours? I’m not sure I’d admit to that, but then I wouldn’t be walking around in my dork pajamas, either.”

“That’s the best you can come up with, jock? I guess it’s true that you morons lose your brains when you let the ball hit you in the head!” The menacing teen was five steps away and bringing his right arm up as Ben stood up from the fender with a sneer and unconsciously took up the kata stance he hadn’t had a chance to use lately. More students and parents were surging their way, most of the kids wearing a grin in anticipation as the adults tried to shepherd them away from the scene. Ben started moving his right arm in response as a 30ish man was hurrying over to try to prevent the impending fight. Ben snorted. He was too far off to stop what the blond had started.

Ben waited until the much bigger boy was two steps away before taking one himself, bringing his arm up until it was extended over his head with the palm facing forward. The blond finished bringing his up as well, to meet Ben’s with a similarly open hand; both boys stopped moving as they slapped their hands together in a noisy, perfect high five, grinning savagely at each other.

“YES!” Ben yelled first, as his friend called out “Good one, Squirt!”

Gwen caught up to them a second later, laughing. “Don’t you two ever get tired of that?!” The students who knew Ben and Paul were laughing and buzzing to each other about the dramedy they just saw, the newbies were a bit shell shocked at how one of their senpais had acted, and most of the adults were grinning and shaking their heads, a few muttering “Boys!” as they all went back to normal.

“Heck no!” Ben said. “Look at how much our adoring fans loved it! And don’t wipe that smirk off your face and try to tell me you didn’t, too!”

“Gotcha there, Gwen.” their friend said. “That smile on your mug is a dead giveaway! I just want to know if it’s for both of us or just your favorite?” Paul teased with a smirk.

“Well, both, of course. ... Besides, who said either of you was my favorite?” she replied, ducking her head with a sheepish smile and looking straight at Ben with those amazing green eyes...

Who felt his cheeks start to burn, looking back at her before turning to Paul with a start, catching him shake his head with an amused grin.

“Uh huh” was all he said, as he turned to go to the driver’s side door of his car. _Getting these two flustered is way to easy, not to mention serious fun_ , he thought.

“Not that I’m unhappy to see your fugly butt, Squirt, but what are you doing here?” Paul said as he opened the door. “D’oh, never mind, movie night. Right?” He paused barely long enough to take a breath, then continued before Ben or Gwen could answer. “Just out of idle curiosity, what’re we watching tonight? Sumo, rom-com, cheesy space alien western? ... Chick flick?” he finished, waggling his eyebrows.

Gwen had moved to stand next to him as Paul sat down behind the steering wheel and started to put the convertible top down. Ben glanced at her before snorting “Chick flick?!Not likely! And it’s not like we only watch movies. Sometimes we play video games - I’ve gotta kick somebody’s butt at Sumo, and you’re too easy dude!”

Gwen whirled on him and smacked his shoulder, ignoring his grimace. “Yeah _right_! Who got creamed seven to four last week?!” she said with a mock glare. Then she turned back to Paul as the top finished retracting.

“We do other stuff besides movies and games, too. Especially when we don’t have to get up early” she said innocently, before turning a brilliant shade of crimson from realizing how many ways that could be taken wrong. And Paul didn’t miss the opening.

“Do tell! And just what kinds of other, er, _stuff_ do you indulge in that keeps you up late?” he asked with a particularly evil smirk.

Ben felt his face turn a matching red, but didn’t stop from growling back. “Geez, Paul, get your mind out of the gutter! You know my folks are in Sacramento at a concert tonight, so I’m staying in the _guest bedroom_ at Gwen’s!” He fixed Paul with a semi-serious glare that might turn deadly any second.

Paul laughed. “Too damn easy” Ben heard him mutter, and he was about to back up the death glare when Paul dialed it back, holding his hands up in surrender.

“OK, OK, cool your jets Shorty!” he said as he held back another chuckle. He looked at Gwen and bowed his head a little at her. “My apologies, Gwendolyn-san, for being a contemptible pig.” he said with exaggerated formality.

Gwen forced back a giggle and nodded back once, then shot a surprised but pleased grin at Ben over his outburst. Paul looked up at her, then back to him with a shit eating grin and raised eyebrows but didn’t say anything else.

“Shut up!” Ben grumbled as the burn got more intense. He reached down and grabbed the soccer ball and gym bag, wincing as he slung the bag over his shoulder. “Come on, Dweeb, let’s get going. The sooner we get to your house the better. My leg is killing me!” he said as he looked down at his now disgustingly colored thigh.

“I don’t see your ride. Are you walking?” Paul asked in surprise after making a quick scan of the parking lot. Ben nodded ruefully. “How come?”

Gwen answered first. It was her family problem that put them in this predicament after all. “My Mom’s car is at a mechanic’s, something about the alternator shorting out yesterday afternoon. Grandpa would normally fix it, but he’s ...” She almost said he was in Phoenix again, but Paul didn’t need to know any details. “He’s not able to this time. Daddy brought us to practice, but he’s got a big trial starting Monday so he has to work late all weekend. And you know about Ben’s parents. So we’re walking home.” She shrugged. “It’s only half an hour.”

Ben watched Paul think for a second, then he said “Screw that! Jump in, I’ll give you a lift.” He grinned with appreciation at the thought of not aggravating the ache his leg and was about to toss his stuff in the back seat when he saw Gwen’s doubtful frown.

“I don’t know, my parents probably wouldn’t ...” was as far as she got before he cut her off.

“Ugh! You’re overthinking this, brainiac. They never said you couldn’t, right? They know Paul, and my parents let me go with him plenty of times. Do you really want to take a thirty minute hike after the workout you just had? I don’t, my legs are killing me!”

“We-eeell... when you put it like that...” Ben’s grin came back as her reluctance faded.

“Now you’re talking!” he said happily. His gym bag and the ball landed with a thud behind the front seat as he opened the passenger-side door and started to get in. “Let’s go.”

That swept away the last of her misgivings, replaced with determined irritation. “No way, knucklehead! I’m not sitting in the back. Do you have any idea what the wind will do to my hair back there? Move it!”

Ben looked at Paul “A little help here? Shotgun is first come first serve, amiright?”

“Sorry Squirt, not this time.” Paul wasn’t even a little apologetic, the traitor. “When I get a choice between a pretty girl and your ugly ass up front, there’s no choice. Pretty girl wins every time, ‘specially if she can kick both our butts! Besides, it’s in the convertible car rules. Look it up. ... You heard her - move it!”

Ben glared at his so-called friend, who just grinned and hooked his right thumb towards the back. He scrambled between the front seats into the rear bench, grumbling “Hate you both so much!” as Paul laughed and Gwen pretty much crowed in _his_ seat and closed the door. He barely had time to turn around before Paul hit the gas, launching the ‘Stang towards the parking lot exit.

“Hey!” he cried, flopping into the seat as the sweet sound of her laughing drifted from the right front.

— P —

As they approached the intersection of El Camino Real and Devonshire, the road into her neighborhood, Gwen gave Paul some directions. “Take a left at this signal; then the third right. That’s my street.”

“Got it.” Paul drifted into the left turn lane just in time for the signal to turn yellow. “Ah crap!” he muttered, “This’ll take forever to get through. ... And this song sucks too much to keep listening.”Stopping at the light, he reached out to change the radio station away from the disco tune that had started blaring from the speakers.

Ben leaned forward from the back seat and piped up, now that the road noise was gone and the mufflers were only emitting a low rumble, “Ugh, you got that right! Put it out of my misery, will ya?!”

The next preset station was fortunately playing the tail end of a decent song all three of them seemed to like, judging from the way his passengers reacted - Gwen started moving her upper body and arms along with the beat, and a glance in the rear view mirror showed Ben nodding his head, both with a content expression.

The song ended and segued into a new one without any DJ jibber jabber, one Paul recognized during the first two measures of the drum intro he unconsciously tapped out on the steering wheel. A Foo Fighters tune he learned several years ago, one he played at the Squirt’s house back in the spring when they discovered their shared interest in playing guitar. He always felt a pang of loss whenever he heard _My Hero_ , but the memory of the spontaneous jam session took over and replaced it with a grin - that had been a fun day! He looked back in the mirror when the lead guitar line joined in expecting a similar expression on Ben’s face, but was surprised to see the grin from the previous song fade to a frown, then to sadness as his friend stared down at his lap.

As the lyrics started Gwen was again bobbing along with the music, catching Paul’s attention as she shifted in the seat next to him, turning to look back with a grin. “This sounds like another song you should learn ...” she said before she got a look at Ben’s downcast expression.

Her happy attitude changed to concern when she did. “Ben?” she asked, just as the radio was belting out ‘ _There goes my hero..._ ’ Before Paul could even blink, Gwen had slipped over the center console into the back seat and was huddled against Ben’s left side, her right hand on his arm, whispering in his ear.

— G —

The feel of the wind curling over the windshield, swirling into the seats of the topless car just behind her head was amazing, way better than how she imagined it would be whenever a convertible had passed her before. She smirked a little at the thought it probably wasn’t all that great for her Doofus sitting behind her, but then again he wasn’t complaining. The sight of the turbulent air making a cute mess of his hair, and the goofy smile he gave her whenever she looked back made her heart stutter.

She had to agree with both boys when they complained about the hideous disco tune. She was grateful for the pop rock song that was playing when he flipped the radio to another station. When a new song started she grinned and looked over at Paul as he tapped the drum rhythm on the steering wheel. When the guitar parts kicked in, just right for Ben’s playing style, she turned around to tell him it should go on his list of songs to learn.

Then the lyrics started, and she saw Ben’s stricken look at the song’s hero theme. The past month wasn’t enough to erase the memories of the last time he used the watch, or ease the pain of hearing those words. She couldn’t bear to see him beating himself up again at what he did, what he _had_ to do. In a flash she was beside him, leaning her head against his to whisper “Ben, you’re OK”.

“No. No, all those people, even _him_ , they’re gone because of me. Because I had to be the _hero_!” Ben said in a haunted murmur, spitting out the last word like it was poison.

“You can’t think that! _He_ caused all that, not you. Because of _you_ so many more people are still here! Phoenix is still here!” Gwen told him in a low, firm voice.

She pulled her head back so she could see his tormented face. “Grandpa and I are still here!” she said gently. Then in a fierce whisper-shout “And the Universe is better without that... _thing_ in it!” Ben looked up at her, eyes glistening. He opened his mouth as if to say something but just closed it after a few seconds.

“You saved us all from that monster that day. And you’ve been saving me for years, even without the watch. That’s what heroes do! And you’ll always be one, especially to me! You need to believe that!”

— P —

Paul sat dumbfounded at the crisis in the back seat of his car, watching Gwen say something that finally made Ben look up with a far off, hollow stare before he focused on her. He couldn’t guess what about the song set his buddy off but it was clearly devastating. He reached over to push in the cassette hanging partially out of the radio, hoping a more upbeat style of music would help make him feel better. The red light turned green, but Paul didn’t notice it until the driver behind them honked his horn angrily.

“Yeah, yeah, I hear you. Pinche cabron!” he growled as he pressed on the gas pedal, letting the traffic behind him go by so he could pull into an empty parking lot and check on the two in the back seat. Turning around he saw Gwen holding Ben’s arm with concern and a touch of anger on her face, focused only on him. Ben was still looking down but seemed a bit less miserable than a few minutes ago when this whole episode started; whatever she whispered in his ear had a positive effect. With these two he’d probably never know the why, but he could at least try to snap them out if it and back to their happy selves from just five minutes ago. 

“You two OK back there? ... I know I just got done with a workout but I’m not _that_ pungent, am I?” he said with a lopsided grin.

Ben finally looked up at him with a weak smile “No, we’ve suffered worse stink from Grandpa’s cooking. ... I guess I’m not over the crash.”

“Yeah, I get you. Violent accidents can have that effect.” Paul replied with a serious look. After a short pause, he put on a mock frown. “And I don’t remember saying anything about _stinking_ , thank you very much!”

The music from the cassette was still playing, and Gwen picked up on it as a new tune started. “ _Hawaii Five O_ , Paul?! Dreaming about a vacation?” she said in a playful tone, picking up on his attempt to pull Ben out of his sadness.

Paul grinned. “Nah, just surf music. But I wouldn’t turn down the chance to watch some hula girl hip action!” he said, exaggerating an eyebrow waggle at them. Which got the reaction he was looking for, at least from Ben, who snorted and broke into a real grin before bringing up a hand over his mouth to stifle any ill-advised laughing. Gwen’s reaction was almost as good, if a bit surprising - she shot eye daggers at Ben for a second before turning to Paul and shouted his name using at least two syllables.

The grin turned to a short laugh as he said “All right, if you don’t like that...” while he reached back to hit the reverse button on the radio. The cassette started playing the other side, catching another song in the middle.

‘... _beach baby, beach baby there on the sand, from July to the end of September_...’

“That isn’t any better!” the girl shouted again in mock outrage.

“What? You don’t like The Beach Boys?!That’s almost un-American.” Paul laughed harder as he turned back to them. “Besides, that was my reality back in San Diego. A sexy new vacation Sheila every summer! What’s not to like?” he continued, giving Ben a wink.

Gwen lost it at that, slapping Paul’s shoulder. “You are _such_ a pig! And all this time I thought you were one of the good guys!” She whirled on Ben, who’s self control failed and was now seriously cracking up through the hand over his mouth.

“Stick a cork in it, Doofus! If you know what’s good for you, you’ll stay away from this jerk from now on!” she yelled and tried to glare at both of them before collapsing against him with a clipped laugh before giving in to a fit of giggles, burying her face in his shoulder.

After their laughter subsided, Paul rubbed his eyes and asked “Are you two ready to get going?”, looking with lingering concern from Ben to his cousin. His friends’ haunted looks were gone, reflecting instead their normal fun loving characters.

“Yeah, I’m OK.” Ben ducked his head and replied. He gave Paul a grateful smile. “Thanks, dude.”

“For what? Missing a turn? That’s on my navigator! Who seems to be missing in action.”

Gwen winced. “Sorry, Paul. Take a left out of the parking lot and stay in the inside lane. My street is the first left.” she said, also giving Paul a grateful look as she sat up from leaning heavily against Ben. She didn’t move away from sitting against his side, though, and the arrangement clearly didn’t bother him either, Paul noticed. _Curiouser and curiouser cried Alice_ he thought with an enigmatic smile.

“Got it” he said, putting the car in gear and heading to the driveway. As he made the left turn he heard Ben say quietly “Thanks, Dweeb. I... I can’t handle _that_ on my own. Not yet.”

“You don’t have to. That’s what I’m here for, Doofus.” he heard Gwen reply before the road noise got too loud.

Driving down the road Paul pondered again what really happened to them in Phoenix. A traffic accident, even one that left an RV not worth repairing, couldn’t account for what he just witnessed. Or for the first month after they got back, when he watched helplessly as the two agonized apart from each other before _something_ happened that got them back together.

He glanced in the rear view mirror in time to see Gwen finish a kiss on Ben’s cheek. _What the hell is going on with those two?_ he wondered, not for the first time. Lately, though, the thought always seemed to make him smile.

—X —

Still Friends

Bellwood Middle School

Bellwood, Ca

September 5, 2000

7:45 AM

“Jamie! Jamie, hey, wait up!”

The object of that call stopped as he was reaching for the center door at the main entrance of the building, causing the girl and boy walking behind him to abruptly go around to the doors on either side. A second boy bumped his shoulder hard as he also went around to the right, grumbling “Dude! Get the hell out of the way!”

The shove jostled Jamie’s sturdy, practical glasses down the bridge of his nose, so it only took another push by a fourth schoolmate to finish the job of knocking them off. He was bending down to retrieve them, muttering “Geez, would it be _that_ hard to just go around me?” when a pair of black striped sneakers stopped next to him, and a hand grabbed his glasses first. He straightened up as the owner of the hand did the same, when yet another boy almost ran over them both.

Jamie looked at the glaring face of the shorter boy holding the glasses, who growled out “You can see we’re stopped here, go around us!”The intruding kid started snarling back “Screw you, don’t stop in the middle -”, then stopped talking as the full force of the glare caught him. “Oh, its you, Tennyson. Sorry, man, I’ll just...” And then that boy hurried past without another word.

“Inconsiderate prick!” Ben mumbled, then turned to Jamie with a slightly concerned look and held out his hand. “Here. Sorry about that, Jamie, I didn’t mean for you to become a speed bump.”

Jamie took the glasses and put them back on, shrugged his backpack higher up his left shoulder saying “Thanks, dude. Don’t worry about it, they’re not scratched or anything.”

Ben nodded and said “Good. ... Hey, can I talk to you for a minute? Come on, let’s get out of the way.”, barely avoiding yet another collision and led the way to the left of the doors to a mostly unused bike rack. He stopped and turned, and gave Jamie a weird, awkward look. _What’s_ that _for?_ , he thought.

“Listen, Jamie, I...” Ben started, rubbing the back of his head with his left hand. “You know when you came over after I ...I got back from Phoenix?”

Jamie nodded as he shifted his left hand on the strap of the backpack. Yeah, he remembered that, four or five days after Ben got back. He went over to play some Sumo, and maybe hear some first hand details about what the alien attack was like. Ben had been in a prickly mood, though, and he couldn’t play the video game to save his life. Which was so unlike him, he usually kicked everyone’s butt. And he didn't keep up his end of the trash talk, either. After maybe ten minutes they just gave up when Ben ran out of lives, and he got more irritated when Jamie started asking questions about the attack. At first his descriptions of the space ship and the robots and how he and his cousin and grandpa were racing to get help were interesting. But he almost looked like he was gonna cry when he talked about his grandpa’s RV getting busted up and they all got hurt as it tumbled. After a couple questions about the alien and the lasers and stuff, he finally snapped “Look, Jamie, just drop it! It was an attack and innocent people died and got hurt! There was nothing cool or exciting about it!” Jamie finally said he was going to walk back home, and maybe come back another day when Ben felt better. He never did.

He looked at his, what? Friend? Game buddy? Whatever. Ben had changed a lot since his birthday party; he must have gotten grounded hard for chucking that slushball. There had been an obvious cut back in game playing, but Jamie never heard a reason why.

He was surprised to see Ben staring at the ground as he crossed his arms. “I know I was being an asshole. I was still kind of banged up, and I was worried about my grandpa and dwe-, er, Gwen, and I didn’t get much sleep then. I still shouldn’t have taken it out on you, though” he looked up with a sad look. “I’m sorry.”

 _What the hell?!_ Jamie thought. _This can’t be right._ Ben was always an asshole, and he never apologized for it. Not once, not really. Sure, he was fun to play Sumo with, when he wasn’t being a total dick about winning, and usually his class clown shtick was good for a laugh. But...

“Uh, yeah, sure man. No worries. It’s OK.” was all Jamie could think to say. Even so, it was enough for Ben, as he got a sheepish grin and said “Thanks, dude!” Neither boy said anything for a few seconds before Ben continued “I, um, didn’t bring my Sumo deck today, but maybe we can play a game at lunch later this week?”

Jamie grinned. “Really? Yeah, we can do that. The other guys may want to play, too.” Then the grin faded as he remembered. “But not on Thursday. I’m meeting with the band director during lunch then.”

“The what now?”

Jamie rolled his eyes. “The band director. I decided to sign up for beginner band this semester.” He sighed. Here it comes ...

“You are?!”

“Yeah. My parents said I should do something else after school besides the gaming club. Dad suggested soccer with you, but you know how much I love running.” Jamie grimaced and shrugged his shoulders. He never went in for sports, after always getting picked last for games during recess and getting clobbered when he did play. Complaining about running was a transparent dodge, but it worked to deflect questions he didn’t want to deal with. Ben gave him a sympathetic grin; there was no point in arguing. “So when the beginner band notices came out last month I figured I’d give it a try.”

“Sounds cool. So what do you want to play?”

“Well, I thought maybe saxophone or trumpet. But when I went to an information meeting last week, I saw some drumsticks and a rubber practice mat, and started fooling around with them. I was doing the drum thing for Wipeout “ Jamie saw Ben grin at that - everyone thinks it’s so easy, but it’s really kind of tricky. “ ... when the band director came over for my interview. He showed me the right way to hold the sticks and said to do it again.”

Now it was his turn to smile with a little pride. “I can’t say I nailed it, but I did pretty good! Good enough the director asked me if I ever thought of playing drums. So that’s what I’m going to do. We have an orientation meeting in the band room this Thursday at lunch.”

Ben looked at him with a smirk as he shifted his weight from right foot to left. _Here it comes, all the band geek jokes and I haven’t even started yet,_ Jamie thought _. At least be original and come up with some new put downs._ He _knew_ Ben, just like he knew that’s what was coming. He was shocked when instead he heard “That really _is_ cool, Jamie. I can definitely see you tearing up a drum line!”

And even more shocked when he felt the light punch Ben gave his right shoulder, smiling. “I think you’ll do great! ... Come on, we need to get inside before the bell rings.” They joined the crowd of other kids heading to the doors and walked through. Ben was asking “So what homeroom are you in? I’m in 241A.”

“Um, 163.” Jamie read from the schedule he took from his pocket. Ben stopped about two yards inside the doors. “ Bummer, we’re in different sections. Well, we’ll see each other during the day. We must have one class together, at least.”

As he was talking Jamie noticed the other kids made a point of going around them, like there was a bubble there or something. Ben didn’t pay attention to it, like usual, but Jamie saw the way the crowd looked at them as they passed by. Ever since he busted Cash’s nose, and especially after he saved Cash from those three 8th graders last year, Ben had gotten a bit of a reputation. Not as a bully, and he could still be weird as hell, but none of the other guys wanted to screw with him.

“Well, if we do I’ll sit behind you and kick your ass so you stay awake for a change. And keep you from getting busted for texting during class.” Jamie smiled a little - the teachers hated it when he dozed off, but never said a thing about using his phone. How’d he get away with that? Ben just laughed. “Sounds like a plan! See you later”, he said as he turned and headed towards the stairs.

Jamie walked to his classroom, shaking his head in amazement. He and Ben and the other guys in their gaming group mostly got along fine while they were playing, but they didn’t really hang out otherwise. Ben had gotten more interested in karate last year, and no one suggested he was pretending about that anymore. And the phone thing - there was a lot of guessing going on about who was on the other end, most of it too outrageous even for Ben; but only he knew and he never talked about it. Now here he was acting so different - not busting his chops about being in band, and apologizing for being a dick of all things! _What got into him?_ was swirling in Jamie’s head. Whatever it was, at least it helped make the first day of school start out OK.

— X —

Home Life

Gwen’s House

September 9, 2000

1:45 PM

The commotion from the stairs was only a little louder than usual, but it caught Frank’s attention this time.He looked up from his book in time to see his daughter and her cousin damn near tumble down the stairs. His brother referred to Ben’s method of coming downstairs as a semi-controlled crash, but when he followed Gwen - who had a light but sure-footed glide while holding the rails lining the sides, feet skipping over every third step - the overall effect reminded him of a slow motion scene of an Indy car crash through a turn; his nephew acting like cars skidding and crashing into each other and clogging up the track, and his little girl slipping gracefully between the wrecks without a scratch. All the while both of them saying the nastiest insults in the most endearing way.

“Watch out, you clumsy putz! You almost knocked me down the stairs! Honestly, Doofus, can you even stay out of your own way!?”

“I’d be fine if you’d keep your sorry butt moving, nitwit! It’s your own fault forgoing so damn, er, darn slow!”

Frank decided to overlook the boy’s cussing - he’d heard both of them say worse, and Ben did catch himself.

He smiled as the bickering faded into the kitchen, with a muffled rattle as one must have hip-chucked the other into a cabinet before the refrigerator door opened. “Ow! Geez, Dweeb, I thought dancing was supposed to make you graceful! You sure aren’t getting any lessons for it at the dojo!”

Ouch! That last dig had to hurt. It wouldn’t go unanswered.

“Oh, get stuffed! You’re one to talk, flailing around like a rag doll in the goal. Man up, pendejo!”

Annnnd, that was his dainty little girl! He sighed. If he ignored Ben’s verbal indiscretion he’d have to do the same for Gwen’s colorful Spanglish. He looked down and tried to pick up the story where he left off.

“Oh, gross, Dweeb! You kiss your mom with that mouth? That’s disgusting!You know I hate avocados!”

The last comment made Frank lose his place in the book. There wasn’t an avocado in the house - he wouldn’t eat the nasty things any more than Ben would, apparently - so the reference didn’t make any sense. Which actually wasn’t all that odd, now that he thought about it. If there was one constant with those two over the past couple years, it was how strange they often acted together.

He tried again to resume reading when one of their new, more welcome habits started. One of them started to hum a current pop tune out of the blue; after ten seconds or so a second voice chimed in with the harmony.It wasn’t always easy to tell which voice belonged to which kid - Ben’s voice was in that changing phase, but he could still deliver a sweet boy tenor when he wanted to. Most of the time they wound up doing a more than credible job with whatever tune they started, which would sometimes lead to a set of three or four songs.

As long as they thought they were alone. Whenever he or Lili inadvertently interrupted one of these performances they clammed up in embarrassment, turning a remarkably similar shade of red to boot. It was funny, six months ago they were too self-conscious to do this around each other, but he heard Gwen do it by herself before Ben started coming over on Friday nights. Carl told him he heard Ben humming when he was learning a new song, too. Then they gradually started harmonizing together a little bit at a time, seemingly without a conscious intention. They just did it. When they did, both Frank and Lili tried not to intrude - regardless of how good or bad the tune was, it was adorable!

There were unmistakable sounds of lunch being made underneath the humming - drawers sliding open and shut, glass containers clinking together and against the counter top, the fridge door slapping shut. Then Gwen poked her head around the corner and the tune regrettably stopped as she called out “Daddy, Ben and I are making sandwiches, do you want one?”

“No thanks, Pumpkin. I had something while you were upstairs.”

“OK” she said and went back to the kitchen.

Frank smiled to himself in the sudden silence. The snarky back and forth would start up again when they finished eating, if not before. It was as entertaining in its own disturbing way as the humming was, and in any case far preferable to how they were through July. That oppressive quiet, punctuated by his daughter’s screams in the middle of the night and the random crying jags from their shared trauma in Phoenix had been tragic. And unnerving, as neither he nor his wife knew why she did, and neither could manage to really console her.

“Pass me the lemonade, Doof - hey, watch it!” he heard, followed by the sound of a soft thump and liquid sloshing on the tile floor. “Way to go, numbnuts! ... You messed up, though, there’s still some in the carton.”

“That wasn’t my fault! Next time let me pour it into your glass instead of trying to take it out of my hand, Cootie Queen!” Ben shouted back, followed by a grumbled but clear “I was just trying to take care of it for you, Dweeb.”

Frank barely heard her sigh. “I know, Doofus, and I appreciate it.” Gwen said in a somewhat uncharacteristically low, soothing voice. “But _you_ still have to mop it up!” That part was just like usual.

“Aw, man!”

Music to his ears! It was good to have that kid in the house again, even if he was responsible for a third of the food budget. As far as Frank was concerned, _whatever_ it was that got them over their isolation and back to being friends again could just keep on going.

He chuckled once and went back to his book.

/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews, comments, flames? Have at it...
> 
> /


	18. It’s a Date

Gwen’s Kitchen

September 9, 2000

2:10 PM

“What should we do now? I think I’ve pretty well clobbered you enough on games for today. Got any ideas?” Ben said as he finished mopping up the last of the spilled lemonade.

Gwen snorted. “What?! Were we even on the same planet for the last hour and a half? I distinctly remember someone getting his butt handed to him on the last game!” she cried in feigned outrage.

“You can’t be serious! One game out of, how many? Three? Four? And you only won that one because you used cheat codes!” He threw some soggy paper towels in the trash, then turned to glare at her.

Well, he tried to glare, anyway, but it had less intensity than an angry hamster. “Snnrrkkk!” Gwen couldn’t hold back her laugh, even with both hands over her mouth. “Not my fault I found them before you did. It’s your rule, Doofus! Don’t be mad at me for being better at it.” She got up from her chair and took the half dozen steps to stand in front of him, taking a quick look towards the hall to where her Dad was reading in the living room. He was absorbed in his book and her Mom was out running errands, so the coast was clear.

Gwen closed the last two feet separating them as she grinned back at his fading scowl, rested her palms on his chest and said softly “I’m a gracious winner, though. How about a consolation prize?” before giving him a short kiss. When she pulled her head back she smiled. “And a thank you for doing something sweet” she murmured.

Ben had his hands at her waist, also aware that they could bend their no-PDAs-in-the-house rule this time. He gave his best shot at keeping the fake outrage for a second, then admitted defeat, returning her smile. “No fair! I hate it when you play dirty like that.” he replied, matching her volume.

“Suuure you do.” she dragged out her reply. Her smile turned back into a smirk as she stepped back and looked out the kitchen window. It was another Chamber of Commerce day with a cloudless light blue sky, and just on the low end temperature-wise to be comfortable without needing a jacket.

“I think we should do something we’re both lousy at. Just to even things up.” she said, back to public volume.

“Such aaas...” Ben drawled, letting his arms fall to his sides.

“Mini-golf! ... Don’t roll those eyes at me!” Gwen said as he cocked his head and did exactly that before scanning the ceiling for a different idea. “I don’t want to be a couch potato all day! It’s perfect outside, and with school really kicking in this will be the last weekend until Christmas without much homework.” She fixed Ben with an earnest look as she made her case, and saw she wasn’t convincing him. Time to amp up her persuasion.

“Come on, Doofus. It’ll be fun!” she said, turning on her puppy dog look, as she dropped her chin and did her best to look up into his emerald eyes. Then she lowered her voice. “Besides, we can get away from the watchers for a while. Please?”

Ben’s stony look dissolved into the goofy grin that it seemed only she could make happen. He shook his head in mock sadness and snorted softly. “Talk about playing dirty! I used to face down the worst bad guys in the galaxy, and you make me knuckle under in ten seconds with just a pitiful look!” He shrugged, consigned to his fate. “Ooh Kaay.”

“Yay!” Gwen let out a short, happy squeal and grabbed his left hand, pulling him towards the doorway to the living room. They both let go before the last step took them where her Dad could see them; it hadn’t been all that unusual for Gwen to take his hand before summer started, but him actually holding hers would definitely raise some eyebrows.

“Daddy, we’re going to play mini-golf” she announced as they rounded the corner. “OK?”

Frank looked up from his book at two expectant faces and blinked, considering her statement. Her last word sounded like she was asking permission, but they all knew better. “Mini-golf? Where?”

“The one at the arcade, Uncle Frank” Ben answered.

“You don’t need to drive us, we’ll ride our bikes. And we’ll be back by 6:30.” Gwen added.

“You’re caught up with homework?”

“Uh huh” “We finished a couple hours ago” both kids answered at the same time.

Frank was silent for fifteen or twenty seconds. Not that he was actually considering saying no to his daughter’s demand. It was just fun to see them squirm a little in the silence. “Make it 6, and don’t be late or you’ll hear about it from your mother. Both of you.” Frank smiled briefly as his nephew visibly shuddered. How his loving wife could so completely intimidate the otherwise cocky, overbearing boy without even being in the house was a constant source of entertainment.

“Thanks Daddy!” “Thanks Uncle Frank!” “You’re the best!” came simultaneous voices again.

The smiles on their faces were worth whatever annoyance Lili may hit him with. “Yeah, yeah, until the next time I say no. Have fun, and be good.”

— X —

“Paul!” He didn’t often hear his name in stereo, and when he did it was usually during karate class. Even though that wasn’t happening any more - and even as he had that thought, he was pretty sure it wasn’t a permanent situation - he recognized the two voices. He took a couple steps backwards to his left to face them as a grin spread on his face.

“Hey Gwen! Shorty!” he called to the two approaching him. “The people you meet on a Saturday afternoon. What are you guys doing here?”

His friends closed the last ten feet and stopped, shoulders brushing against each other. For a second as he turned around he could have sworn their hands were together, too, but he must have been projecting as another glance showed Ben’s were in his pockets.

“Um, we’re gonna play mini golf, then hang around the arcade for a while. Same as you?” Ben said uncertainly. His eyes flickered from the two dinged up putters on the counter to Paul’s right hand, up an arm connected to the smaller left hand he was holding, then over the rest of the strawberry blond girl it was attached to standing next to him, and finally back to Paul.

The older boy let out a short laugh. “Yeah, I guess that must be pretty obvious, huh?” He turned to look at the girl to his right, “Oh, sorry. Sheila, this is Gwen and Ben.”

She turned from Paul to the shorter boy and girl with a noncommittal smile. “Nice to meet you.” None of them said anything for a few seconds before she added “Um, where do you all know each other from? I don’t remember seeing you at school?”

Paul was surprised by Gwen’s reaction - her face had a distinct pink flush as she answered with an uncharacteristic timidity. “No, you wouldn’t. We go to different schools.”

“We’re all in the same karate class at the dojo. You know, the one I pointed out on the way here?” Paul cleared that up. “Or we were, until Ben abandoned us to be the star goalkeeper on his soccer team, amazingly enough. Turns out size isn’t the only thing for being good at that position. Huh, Squirt?” he said with a grin.

Gwen’s confidence surfaced as she got protective. “He didn’t _abandon_ us, Paul. He just ...” she tried to finish through a semi-scowl before Ben interrupted.

“Yeah, Coach says I have spring-loaded ankles. I just had to spread around my awesomeness. You guys were doing ok, but the team was seriously messed up until I got there.” he smirked.

Gwen turned on him with a shocked and annoyed look, then pushed his shoulder, hard enough to make him take a couple steps to recover. “Oh, for pete’s sake! Real nice, Doofus! I’m trying to stick up for you and you’re stepping all over me with delusions!” She glared at her cousin while he shrugged his shoulders and the smirk turned into a sheepish grin. Paul shook his head with an indulgent smile at their familiar antics - the Gwen he was used to was still there.

Sheila watched them all with a bemused look. “You two are something else! ... Hey, since we’re all just getting started, why don’t you play along with us?” She turned to Paul. “OK with you, Paulie?”

“Hey, yeah! That’s a great idea! What do you say” he asked them.

Gwen got that flushed look again and said “Really? I, um, I don’t know...” as she looked at Ben - who was suddenly equally flustered - silently asking what they should do.

“Yeeaahh, we don’t want to, uh, get in your way...” he stammered.

“Psshht! Don’t worry about that. Come on! It’ll be fun.” Paul insisted.

“Well, if you’re sure” Ben said as he and Gwen finished their non-verbal conversation, ending it with Gwen mouthing ‘Paulie’ with a questioning look. Ben shrugged his shoulders at her, equally confused.

“Great!” Paul said. “Get your stuff, we’ll wait.”

Gwen and Ben paid for their game and each grabbed a putter and ball. As the foursome walked to the start, Ben started the trash talk - big surprise! “So ... Paulie?”, his voice rising at the end of the name.

Paul laughed “Figured you’d pick up on that. Sheila’s family is Italian. _Very_ Italian.”

The older girl laughed as well. “I have an uncle on my mother’s side from New York City with a heavy accent. That’s what he calls Paul.”

They got to the start of the first hole when Paul said “Girls first. Gwen, want to show us how?” and motioned for Gwen to start.

She bent over to put her purple ball on the worn astroturf and studied the first hole - a narrow ten foot stretch of level ‘fairway’ blocked by a barrier of stones with wide and narrow openings leading onto a wide ‘green’ area with a noticeable left to right downgrade. The cup was at the bottom of the green to the right of the fairway openings. Studying the geometry of the hole, Gwen figured the narrow opening would be the best one to use, but much harder to get through with one stroke. Gauging the distance to the openings, she bent at the waist to line up her putter behind the ball, feeling the fine gold chain at her neck creep out from the neckline of her t shirt. She hit the ball firmly, trying to get it close to the openings so she could hit a second shot through the smaller one, hopefully leaving the ball near the cup for a hole-in-three. Maybe four. She stepped up to her ball and hit it the way she planned, straightening up with a pleased look.

And of course, the dork had to rag on it. “Over thinking and playing it safe, brainiac? What a surprise!” Ben said with a smirk.

Gwen just smirked back. “OK, Tiger, let’s see what _you_ can do.” she said. The guy’s name was constantly in the news and the only pro golfer she could think of. She knew the sarcasm would probably be lost on her Doofus since he knew _nothing_ about golf - he was more likely to take it as a compliment, the goofball, but Paul and his date would get it.

And he proved her right. Skipping the order Paul just laid out, Ben said “You’re on! Watch and learn!” as he put his green ball on the ‘tee’ mat, took a quick look at the openings, and smacked his ball at the smaller one. It hit the stone barrier a foot to the left of it and rebounded back into the fairway, about two feet behind Gwen’s ball. “Aw, man,” he complained as he backed away from the tee, shooting daggers at Gwen, who didn’t even _try_ to hold in her giggle before teasing “Try using the grip end like a cue stick next time, freakazoid! Might have better aim.”

Sheila at least muffled her snort behind her left hand, then said “Go ahead, Paulie, I want to go last.” Paul grinned at the blond girl, saying “Yeah, I thought you might, after that.” He dropped a blue ball and waited for it to settle down, stepped around to hit it and looked at the openings, and hit the ball firmly at the wider one. It went about two feet into the green before arcing to the right from the slope, picking up speed and running past the cup to the flat area behind it. It stopped about a yard away, a very makeable second putt. “Did I learn the right lesson, Squirt? That looks closer to the hole than yours, but what do I know?”

Paul smirked as Gwen giggled again. “I really hate you both, you know that?” Ben glowered as they both laughed.

Sheila had been watching all of them, but if she felt like the outsider she didn’t show it, laughing right along and earning a toxic sideways look from Ben for it. She walked a few feet past the tee mat, looking at the path her ball would have to take to get to the hole. As she headed back to the tee, she looked at Ben and told him “You had the right idea, but you didn’t need to hammer the ball quite so hard.” She put her ball down, placed her putter behind it and looked from the cup along the path back to the tee, then hit the yellow ball with a firm, smooth motion. It went straight at Ben’s, then started arcing to the right as it approached the small opening. After just clearing it, the ball almost stopped, then started rolling directly at the cup, following the slope of the astroturf. Paul called out “Oh, she’s gonna get it, ... _get_ in the hole!” just as it went past it, missing by a couple inches but stopping less than a foot away.

“Ah, bugger!” he said, then grinned at his date. “Still, that’s pretty much a gimme.”

“Yep, that’s a two I think.” she smiled back as she walked past Ben to Paul, who fell in step with her and slipped his arm around her waist. They stopped near Ben’s ball, and Paul said “Oh, guess I should have told you guys. Sheila plays on our school’s varsity golf team.”, smirking as Gwen and Ben caught up. “Almost a scratch player - she’s got like a 13 handicap!”

“Paul, stop! That’s nowhere near scratch.” She said, then gave a short laugh at the blank look Ben and Gwen shared. “Besides, these two have no idea what that means.” She gave them a good natured grin. “It just means that I usually play well in tournaments.”

“Oh great! In other words, she’s a ringer!” Ben complained as he and Gwen got to their balls.

“Only if we were playing a real game. Getting a good score at mini-golf is more luck than anything else.” Sheila replied.

As if to make that point, Gwen lined up her putter again, shrugging her shoulders to keep the chain from slipping any more before tapping her ball towards the small opening. It barely went through, then started rolling slowly at the cup. As it got closer, Ben mimicked his friend. “Come on, keep going, keep going... “ he said in a dramatic, low voice. The ball hit the flagpole sticking up from the cup, then dropped in. “It’s in the hole!” he shouted as Gwen made a happy squeal, looking up at him with a small grin. Her attempt to hide her necklace had instead made the Keystone slip out from its usual spot behind her t shirt, so she reached to put it back as she straightened up.

“Looks like we know who the lucky girl is in _this_ group” Paul said as Ben grinned at his cousin, then broke into a full smile as he saw her holding the polished red stone and bumped her shoulder with his. “Darn right!” he murmured to her as he stepped to his ball. She grinned back at him, and let her hand fall away from her neck, leaving the pendant on display. She had a pinkish color to her cheeks, Paul noticed, as Shiela nudged his arm with an odd smile. _What’s all_ that _about_ , he wondered to himself.

After Ben hit his ball through the same opening - way too hard, making it zoom to the far side of the green, stopping a good six feet from the hole - Sheila walked next to Gwen, admiring the Keystone. “That’s a pretty necklace, Gwen.” she said. “It looks really good on you. It’s a great color!”

“Thanks,” the younger girl replied as her blush deepened at the compliment. “My D-, er, Ben gave it to me.”

Shiela smiled. “He has good a good eye” she said as she got to her ball while Paul took the flag out, and tapped it in the cup.

The game continued the same way, as each of them had their share of lucky shots, as well as comically bad ones - intentional and otherwise - and they all enjoyed the time. Through it all Paul and Shiela would do things a couple on a date would do - hold hands, quick hugs, private conversations, even a few kisses to celebrate a hole in one or ‘console’ a particularly bad shot. Gwen found herself feeling a little jealous, wanting almost desperately to do things like that with her boyfriend - still a weird word to use for her Doofus - and wondered if he felt it, too. The pressure of keeping it between themselves was getting almost too hard to keep bottled up. Every once in a while Sheila would catch her eye, and give her an odd but friendly smile that made her feel.. better, somehow.

They almost blew their cover on the seventh hole. Gwen had smacked her ball off the tee too hard, and it bounced off an obstacle into some leafless bushes - Fall does affect Northern California, after all - stopping deep underneath shrubs with bare, pointy branches. When she got close to them, she groaned “Of course! They even have thorns! And the ball is too far back for the putter to reach.” Gwen turned to the group following her. “I’ll just leave it and you three can keep playing.”

Before anyone else could speak, Ben took a quick look, then dropped to his stomach and started wiggling under the bush. “You don’t need to do that, Dweeb, I’ve got it.” He crawled three feet into the sharp branches, reaching his right arm with his putter to hook her ball. “Ouch!” he muttered as the sharp, prickly things dug into his arm. Gwen grimaced at the sound. “Be careful, Doofus”.

Crawling backwards, the hem of his dark t shirt got caught on the branches, riding up his back leaving bare skin from his waist to his shoulders exposed to scratches from the needle sharp ends and thorns. When he was almost out, he tried to get up too quickly, dragging the branches roughly across his bare back. Gwen gasped at the bright red welts they left, including a couple gouges oozing drops of blood. He swore quietly as he yanked his shirt down and turned to face her, but he couldn’t hide some deep scratches on his arms.

Gwen plucked some stray twigs from his hair as Sheila and Paul asked if he was OK. “Yeah, I’m fine” he grumbled, waving away their concern while patiently letting Gwen finish, flinching when she started to pull one out from underneath the neckline of his shirt. She ducked her head and used her other hand to pull the shirt away from his neck, saying “Ooh, sorry!” as she gingerly extracted the three inch bristly stem.

Ben held out her ball when she finished, then after she took it he put his left hand over some heavy scratches on his right arm. “Here you go, slugger! Try to remember were playing golf, not baseball, ‘K?” he said with a grin.

Gwen raised her hand to swat him out of habit, then stopped when she got a good look at his arm, her eyes wide. Ben saw the beginning of a pink glow around it and quickly murmured “Can’t do _that_ here, Dweeb.”

She doused the magic with a start, then said “Thanks, Ben! You didn’t have to crawl back that far. We would have figured something out.” and let her hand stop on his shoulder.

He shrugged. “Eh. One of the benefits of being a shrimp, I can fit in tight places” he said, grinning at Paul. “Can’t argue with that, Runt” the blond boy said, grinning back.

“Don’t say that!” Gwen scolded. “You’re not a shrimp!” Then she leaned in to whisper in his ear “I’ll make it feel better when we finish, Doofus.” She was about to kiss his cheek before remembering where they were and who was watching, then pulled back with her cheeks matching the color of her hair.

Ben gave her a surprised look, then said “I think you’re supposed to play your shot from here. And don’t forget to add a penalty!” he smirked. Gwen rolled her eyes before glancing at Sheila, who was watching them with that odd smile again.

At the end of the game they stopped after returning the putters. Sheila smiled at them and said “Thanks for playing with us, you guys.That was fun! You two are a hoot!”

Ben and Gwen both returned her smile. “Yeah, thanks for asking us to” Gwen replied, as Ben chipped in “See you again sometime.”

“See you next week”, Paul said as he shared a solid high five with Ben before he and Shiela turned towards the parking lot. As Gwen and Ben walked to the arcade, they heard his date talking to Paul. “I thought you said they weren’t dating!”

“Far as I know, they aren’t. They’ve hung out together for as long as I’ve known Ben, but that’s all.”

“Tch! How is it guys never see the obvious? ...” The rest of their conversation faded as they got further away.

Gwen groaned as she covered her face with her hands. “Oh crap! How could she have caught on to us! We didn’t even _do_ anything!”

“It sounded like Paul didn’t believe her. Maybe he’ll just let it go.” Ben said, looking at her while they walked. “Besides, would it be so bad if he didn’t? Michelle knows, and the world just keeps on spinning.”

Gwen sighed and let her hands drop, letting the brown haired boy take one in his. “I guess. It’s not like he talks to our parents very often, so he’s not likely to slip up with them. ... So you’d be OK if he knows?” It had been important to her for her friend to know about them; it was only fair for Ben to want the same thing.

Ben grinned back at her. “You bet! I want someone besides Army Girl to know you’re more than just my best friend!”

“Well, maybe we... Wait. What?!” Gwen stopped abruptly at the edge of the path and grabbed his arm, pulling him to face her.

“That’s the first time you’ve said that in English. You must really mean it.” she said in a low, pleased voice, looking directly into his amazingly green eyes. Eyes that made her feel safe, even when they were arguing. Eyes that made her feel special. She hoped he saw the same when he looked into hers.

“Yeah. I do.” Ben said, still grinning and matching her tone. And not looking away or trying to backtrack.

“And I’m... more ... than your best friend?” Gwen ducked her head, then felt her heart skip when Ben didn’t answer right away.

He put his right hand to his neck, like he often did when he was uncertain about something, and the grin turned into a shy look. “Well, duh” he said softly. “I knew you were my best friend last October. But when I thought you were ... gone again ... I ...” He swallowed hard. “Even best friends go away sometimes. I never want to leave you.” He stared at some distant place over her right shoulder, cheeks turning crimson, not exactly sure what he just admitted to, but having no doubts about what he said.

Gwen felt her eyes well up as she put her right hand to his cheek and gently made him look at her again. “Oh, Doofus...” she whispered. Then she wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly with her head against his, feeling his arms surround her. “Me too” she murmured in his ear.

She wanted to say the words, the ones she heard her parents say to each other; she almost did. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it, and if she had to force it, it couldn’t be right. Could it?

Ben held her close, neither one in a hurry to let go, until a group of four or five people passed by. He cleared his throat and pulled back from the hug with an embarrassed smile. “Come on, Dweeb, we’re blocking traffic.” he said softly as he blinked hard a few times.

“We’ve still got time before we have to ride home.” He said with a firmer tone. “Let’s see what’s new in the arcade. Jamie told me about this skiing game where two players race on a downhill course. You stand in the machine and control your avatar with your whole body! He said it was a blast.” He took a deliberate breath and grinned. “We can play a video game and not be couch potatoes at the same time!”

Gwen leaned in and kissed his cheek, then stepped back with a sniffle, and took his hand. “Sounds like fun! Let’s go find it.” she said, pulling him towards the arcade entrance.

/


	19. Busted!

Outside Rising Phoenix Dojo

Late Fall, 2000 - Friday evening

6:35 PM

The hike from the soccer fields to the dojo seemed less painful before today. Even without getting beat up during practice for a change, Ben felt worn out by the time he got to the parking lot. Maybe it had something to do with the weather - at the end of summer the sun was up, the temperature was in the mid-60s and dry, and there was at most a light breeze. Now it was overcast, wet from recent rain, the ground was soggy, and there was a cold, stiff wind. When he was very young, his Aunt Lili read Winnie the Pooh to him and Gwen about a blustery day, only it had sounded like a fun adventure then. Real life blustery weather just sucked, and tended to bleed the life out of you.

It could be the conflict raging in his head about staying with soccer or returning to the dojo. The time away from karate started out the way he hoped; physical fighting, even no-contact sparring, was something he just couldn’t deal with after Phoenix. The thought of facing Gwen in a tournament, something he was so excited about when he got his green belt, made his stomach twist to the point he almost puked. No, dealing with hard collisions in the goal and the ugly, painful bruises that came from them were way better. Besides, he turned out to be pretty good at playing goalkeeper, and his school team was leading the conference playoffs as a direct result. Icing on the cake!

Or so he thought. He spent the last few times he waited for his Dweeb to finish class from the bleachers, watching something he knew he’d much rather be doing, sparring and tournaments included. He knew the difference between that and fighting for his life - or fighting for his family’s lives - and without the watch there was very little chance of the latter happening in Bellwood. Gwen and Paul and a few others would be testing for blue soon, and though he was excited for her - them - to advance, he was a little sad about it, too. He didn’t brag about his skills, not with Sensei there to show what mastery of karate really meant, but he was pretty sure he’d have been part of that group if he had stayed.

Or it could be as simple as his Dweeb was at the dojo, not on the soccer team. Being with her on Friday nights was great, but seeing her in class during the week as well would be... awesome, brilliant, terrific, fantastic...

Wonderful! Just like her.

_Oh, for pete’s sake, get a grip!_ he thought to himself. _I sound like some dork character in one of her snooty literature books!_

Dorkiness aside, the last two reasons were winning out over the first one for what he wanted to do after his team won the league championship. He wasn’t looking forward to telling Coach, though, and he did like playing the game. Maybe he could play in the summer league Coach talked about or something. Unless Grandpa wanted to do another trip ...

That thought faded away as Ben approached Paul’s Mustang, where his friend was talking to Gwen while she waited for him. Her already happy face brightened into _that_ smile when she saw him before turning into a smirk. His brain stripped a gear because of it as he smiled back; then he braced for the ragging.

“Took ya long enough, Mr I-run-five-miles-during-practice! I was about to call the police to file a missing person report!”

Paul turned and laughed. “Hey Runt! Tough practice?”

Ben tried to glower at her. “Hey Paul. No, not really, but thanks for asking.” he said before turning to her. “At least _some_ people are happy to see me! ... And did you think that maybe it took me a while to get here because I run that much? Slacker!”

Gwen laughed as she took a step closer. “Aw, are you tired?” she mocked as she reached out with her right hand and messed up his already messed up hair before jerking it back and wiping it on her fleece jacket with a look of disgust.

“Ew! You need a shower! Before dinner this time!”

Paul laughed again. “I don’t need to hear any more! ... Do you two have a ride coming?”

“Your own fault! What’d you expect? ... Yeah, we’re good, Paul. Thanks anyway.” Ben grinned, looking at her. “Right?”

“Uh huh. ... But we have some time before Daddy picks us up, and I could use something to drink besides water or a soda. You can buy me a smoothie!” Gwen said, a smile dancing at the edges of her lips. Paul raised his eyebrows at the way she phrased that as he watched Ben’s reaction.

Ben just barked a quick laugh. “Buy _you_ one? You still owe me from losing the bet last week!”

Gwen just smirked. “You mean the one you made up that I never agreed to? You’re cute when you’re delusional!” she said as she smacked his left cheek playfully, not hard enough to leave a mark, but not a gentle touch either. Ben blinked a couple times before putting his left hand to his cheek.

“I can’t believe you let that through, Squirt! You’re slipping! Maybe you should think about coming back for some refresher training.” Paul said, leaning back on the front fender of his car and enjoying the spontaneous entertainment.

Ben scoffed. “Pssht! I would’ve stopped her if I wanted.” Gwen stared at him with a mix of shock and amusement.

“Oh please! You’ve never been able to stop me from doing that!”

“Maybe I never felt like I had to” her cousin replied, then turned to look at his friend. “But yeah, I’ve been thinking about coming back.”

“Promises, promises!” Gwen said with a grin, grabbing his left hand with her right and pulling him to take a step. “Let’s go, Doofus”. She looked at the tall blond. “Want to come with us?” she asked.

Paul shook his head. “Nah. I need to get some stuff at the music store, then head home. Thanks anyway.”

“OK, see you next week. ... Hey!” Ben yelled as he got pulled towards Mr Smoothie again. “Evil...” he grumbled. Gwen laughed as he caught up with her, neither one letting go of the other.

When they saw the tables in front of the Mr Smoothie stand, it suddenly hit Gwen - this was the first time they had been here with just each other since before summer. The realization made her a little anxious. Those were almost always good times, sometimes exciting in a way they could’ve done without, but her last visit was with Michelle during that dark month after they got home. That had been her worst nightmare brought to life. She shook her head to clear away the memory.

“Let’s see what the flavor of the month is,” Ben said as they entered the store and stopped a yard or so in front of the counter. Thankfully the radio was on some innocuous easy listening station, so she shouldn’t have to relive _that_ episode - the combination of her brittle emotions and a song that seemed to emphasize isolation and loss, at least then, were more than she could deal with, driving her from the store in an emotional panic. On top of the almost unbearable pain of that month, she had been as scared of her reaction as Michelle was to see it.

_Not this time,_ she told herself. _He’s here with me now._ She shot a glance at her Doofus for reassurance.

Her gaze swept the front counter, then over the one in back as he absently mumbled parts of the menu to himself. Her lips twitched at his unconscious habit. His mumbling when he read his hero comics that first summer made her want to choke him just so he’d shut up! She’d grown to ignore it since then, but lately it had become one of his cuter habits.

She broke into a full smile when she saw several small figures of Ben’s aliens and Lucky Girl. Looked like Deke was still busy, and his technique was improving, the alien forms were more vivid than his first few tries. Gwen wondered if Ben had seen them yet, and how they might affect him. It was hard to guess what might set either of them off, even after several months without “going hero”.

“I know what I’m getting.” he said, “What about you?”They stepped to the counter as the teen girl behind asked “Can I take your order?”

“I’ll have a... large raspberry, broccoli, vanilla, please.” Ben said, then looked from the girl to Gwen.

“And a medium blueberry and strawberry.” she ordered.

Ben snorted. “Again?! You get that, like, every time. Try something different, whydoncha? The cranberry, pomegranate and cinnamon special sounds good.”

“Pfft! You just want me to get it so _you_ can have some. I’m on to you, Tennyson!” Gwen growled back with a mock glare.

“No duh!” he said, smirking at her. “Well?”

“Oh, all right! I’ll have a medium one of those, please.” she said to the girl.

“They’ll be right up” the teen said and took the gift card Ben handed her for payment. As she handed it back and turned to make the drinks, Gwen looked at the figures again and continued scanning the back counter and the shelves above it.

Ben finally saw them, too. “Check those figures out! That’s the coolest thing I’ve seen in a while!” He couldn’t help himself from crowing, even if no one else but her knew why. _Another one of his lova-, um, endearing traits_ , Gwen thought. Even if it was sometimes too self-focused.

“Especially the ones of y-, I mean, Lucky Girl” he said, catching her eyes with his goofy smile before his face started turning pink and he turned to look at the back wall again. _Oh, come on!_ she thought as her brain stuttered, _that’s just adorable!_

She felt her own cheeks start to burn from his compliment and followed his gaze to try to keep herself together. The girl making their smoothies had her back to them as she worked; she started two blenders, then turned and took a couple steps to the right to get a container of some powdered ingredient from a shelf. Her motion revealed more of the back counter, including a red and dark purple figure that was double the size of the others. Gwen heard the boy next to her inhale sharply. She also gasped at the sight before the girl returned to the blenders and hid it again, putting a scoop of the powder into each of the noisy machines.

“Did you see that?” Ben murmured as the girl turned off the blenders.

“Yeah” Gwen replied, giving the word two syllables.

The girl turned around and put two cups on the counter. “Here you go, a medium cranberry special and a large raspberry broccoli. Let me know if that tastes good - I’ve never tried it.” she said to Ben with a smile. He and Gwen both peered around her to get another look at the statue.

“Deke really outdid himself” Gwen said as Ben nodded his head.

“Huh?” the girl said, then twisted around to look behind her. “Oh, that. Yeah, that’s my favorite one! Here...” she turned and picked it up, then put it on the counter next to the cups. The closer look revealed a nine or ten inch tall, brightly colored and detailed carving of Fourarms with Lucky Girl perched on his right shoulder looking down at the big red alien, captured in an exuberant laugh. His lower right arm was crossed over her right shin holding the left one, with the hand of the upper arm resting on her right thigh, holding her in place. Her right hand was on his, her left hand was on top of his head, and Fourarms was waving both left arms. The overall picture was one of the two heroes in a playful mood. It was breathtaking!

“That’s _awesome_!” Ben murmured.

“Do you know Deke?” the girl asked. “He comes around every couple weeks to see if we need more of the figures. They sell pretty well. Except for this one, it’s only for display. Lots of people want one, though.”

Gwen answered. “Yeah, we started coming when he worked here. We haven’t seen him in a while, I doubt he’d remember us”, tracing her fingers over the figure.

“These two sure made an impression, huh? He swears he saw them just like this the last time they came in. They look like a cute couple.” The girl ducked her head with an embarrassed grin. “I mean, if a human and an alien could be like that. Know what I mean?”

“Yeah, I think I do” Gwen said. _More than you can possibly imagine_ , she thought as she looked at her Doofus with a smile.

Ben had a far away look for a moment, then he looked into her eyes with a small grin. “Uh huh” was all he said before taking both drinks and handing the smaller one to her, then started drinking through the straw in his. His eyes were glistening as he looked at her, then out the glass door.

“Thanks for showing that to us” she said to the girl as they headed for the exit and walked out.

They walked towards the dojo without talking, both pretending to be absorbed with their drinks. Gwen couldn’t stop thinking about the figure and the happy day Deke gave them separate Fourarms and Lucky Girl statues as a thank you. Her mind drifted to other times Fourarms and the other aliens carried her in their arms, and had a momentary longing to feel that way again. She focused on similarly happy memories, and did her best to not think about the last time Ben used the watch. That was hard for her to do, and she couldn’t imagine what it was like for him. He was being awfully quiet. She finally looked at him with concern. “Are you OK, Doofus?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He voice cracked a little. He shook his head and cleared his throat. “I was thinking about the time I carried you back to the Rust Bucket after we fought Animo and the bugs.” He smiled wistfully. “That was a great day!”

“Including pinching me on the butt?!”

Ben smirked. “Did I? Fourarms sometimes did things I don’t remember.” he said, his eyes doing the laughing he knew his mouth shouldn’t. “It’s like I’ve said before, I like big”, saying the last three words like the song before Gwen interrupted him with a swat on his upper arm.

“I DO NOT...” she started shouting as Ben started laughing out loud. “Shut up. Pervert!” she grumbled. After a few steps she broke into a grin. “I was thinking of the times you played two guitars at once.” she said when he stopped chuckling a few seconds later.

“Yeah, those too” he sighed. He tossed his empty cup in a nearby trash can, then followed it with the one Gwen handed him.

“Do you miss it a lot?” she asked softly.

He put his red right hand to the back of his neck and took a few steps before answering. “I miss doing things like that - you know, carrying you like that, and running, and flying, and playing hero tag...” He smiled as he spoke, turning his head to look at her. “All the fun things we could do! Sometimes I have the best dreams about it! I wish you could have them with me.” Gwen felt his hand brush hers and took it, interlacing her fingers with his.

“What about you? Your healing magic feels amazing, but I haven’t seen you do anything else since... then.” The smile faded briefly, then turned to a smirk.

“I’ve seen some video caps on line of when you popped that monster drone like a zit!” He gave her hand a quick squeeze for emphasis. “I wish I could have been there to see that! You were _awesome_!”

Gwen started to smile at the praise. Hearing it from Ben made her feel... like she was the most important person in the galaxy. More - the most important person in his world.

The smile faded into a sorrowful grimace as she remembered what she did to defeat that drone, and the sorrow became shame. She dropped his hand and crossed her arms over her stomach.

Ben caught her arm at her sudden mood change and pulled her over to the stucco wall along the walkway. “Gwen?” he said quietly as she looked down, away from the concern in his eyes.

“I... I wasn’t.” she whispered miserably. “I don’t deserve to have you call me that.”

“What?! Why? ... What do you mean, Dweeb?”

“I did something terrible to do that.” she said as a tear rolled down her cheek. “I... took... mana that wasn’t mine.” She looked with pleading into his confused eyes as she explained. “I was hurt, and you were gone, and I was so scared you were... dead, and I needed to _find_ you. To be with you...”

The pain from that time almost overwhelmed her, just like then, and she sobbed. “I felt the mana in the street around me, from the grass and trees and animals, and I didn’t have enough. So I _stole_ it.” Gwen lowered her face and closed her eyes, but her tears wouldn’t stop.

“I took the life from everything around me; I almost took it from Grandpa!” she continued in horror. “You think I’m a hero like you, but I’m just the same as Zombozo or Hex or Charmcaster. I’m a monster!” Her grief finally overpowered her; she shuddered as sobs wracked her body and her knees started to buckle. Gwen felt herself start to collapse.

Before she could fall Ben’s arms were around her, holding her up with surprising strength. He pulled her close to himself, whispering in her ear, as she buried her face into his shoulder, unable to stop the pain she had been holding in for months from finally bursting out.

Her sobs faded away and Ben pulled his head back; she lifted hers to look at him, not knowing what else to say. His emerald eyes had fear along with the concern, a look she had seen before not far from where they were now, when her magic broke loose in a whirlwind that threatened to hurt him. He was afraid _for_ her then, not _of_ her, and his steady presence helped her gain control and quiet the storm. At the time she never wanted to see that look again, but now she was grateful he could still see her that way. Still, it was too much, and she looked down, avoiding the hurt she put in him.

“Dweeb. Gwen! ... Come on, look at me” he said gently. She picked her head up and did as he asked.

“You’re not a monster any more than I am! And you’re _nothing_ like those three, or any of the other bad guys!” he said fiercely. “I know you! I know you almost died in that crash, but you found me and were there when I needed you anyway.” She started to object, but he shook his head to stop her.

“I needed you after the way I dealt with Vil” His voice caught before he could go on. “ With Vilgax. I still do. ... Now I know how you did it, sort of. I just didn’t know how much it cost you. Whatever you did, it was because you were trying to help me, to help someone besides _yourself_. That’s what makes you different, _better_ than them!”

He pulled her close again, with her head against his. “I’m sorry!” He whispered. “No matter what, you’re the best person I know.”

Gwen sobbed once more, not from the pain she just felt but from relief and comfort she got from her Doofus. She relaxed into his arms and hugged him as tightly as he did her. This had to be what the explanation of that word really meant, the one she couldn’t say even silently to herself when she kept looking at it in her dictionary. Did he feel it, too? She thought so, especially at times like this. But she didn’t want to say it to him only for him to parrot it back because he thought he had to. A shiver went down her back as she decided this should wait for another time.

Ben pulled back to look at her again, putting his hands on her shoulders. “You don’t have to do this alone, either, you know. That’s what I’m here for, too.” he said, and gave her a smile before touching his forehead to hers.

“I know, Doofus.... Thank you!” she smiled back, then leaned her head down to him from the right, kissing him gently. He kissed her back, moving his hands around her neck and head, as the gentle kiss became more intense.

— X —

The guy at the cash register counted out his change, dropping coins in his hand and putting two ones and a five on top. “So, that’s twelve sixty four, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, and twenty. Thanks for coming in. See you again soon.”

“Yeah, I’m sure I’ll be back again. Thanks.” Paul slipped the coins into his pocket, picked up the plastic bag of guitar strings and other stuff he bought and walked to the exit of the music store. He folded the bills and stuffed them into his other front pocket before grabbing the door. The walkway outside was clear except for a partially shadowed figure next to the stucco wall on the left. Not too surprising considering it was close to when the store would close. It might be a Friday night, but the fall air got chilly quickly after sundown - there wouldn’t be much foot traffic until late spring.

After a few steps the shadow turned into what looked like a couple kids in a tight embrace at the near edge of a pool of light from an overhead fixture.

Paul glanced with disinterest at the make-out session going on, then refocused on the covered walkway in front of him, intent on getting to his car and driving home. That is, until the oblivious couple shifted back a step into the light, highlighting the back turned to him that was topped by a blaze of red hair with a hand tangled in it. There was something familiar about it that he couldn’t place... So was the head of uncombed brown hair whose face was hidden by it, with the red head tilted down in a passionate and long lasting kiss. Seriously, the two sets of lips were going to have some major chapping issues if they kept at it. The arms around the back he was looking at were covered by a long sleeved lime green jersey, just like the one the Squirt wore when he took his position in a goal for a soccer match...

His brain came to a jarring stop - an image of the Mustang screeching to a halt with tires and brake pads smoking flashed in his mind - as Paul realized with a jolt what exactly he was looking at. “Gwen? Shorty? ... Is that you?!”

The two heads jerked apart as the shoulders nearest him visibly tensed up. The back twisted to the left as the head on top covered in crimson hair swiveled to face him, revealing a very familiar face with a similar shade of red creeping up from her neck to her eyes. A second face he knew peered over her left shoulder, doing the same color-changing trick. Both had deep green eyes that were as wide as dinner plates. The boy partially hidden by the girl whispered “Oh, shit!”, while the girl’s face was covered with a horrified expression.

Gwen gasped and blurted out “Paul!” as Ben shouted “This isn’t what it looks like!”

Paul stopped abruptly a yard away from the couple he recognized as his friends, so shocked at finding them in this unexpected encounter that the bag of strings and picks and sheet music he bought in the store slipped out of his fingers unnoticed. “Don’t stop on my account.” he said in the most reasonable tone of voice he could.

“But when you come up for air again, I have questions.” he said with a growing smirk. “And if this isn’t what it looks like I have _different_ questions!”

Gwen took a step away from Ben and smoothed out her clothes, collected herself with a deep breath, put on her best fake smile and looked Paul in the eyes. “Ben was just telling me he’s going to come back to the dojo and karate again! Isn’t that great?! I was just giving him a hug to say congrat...”

Ben looked at her and blinked his eyes while she was talking, with his mouth open a little but unable to speak. His jaw kept dropping at her outlandish story; then he turned to his friend as a grin spread across his face. He started nodding his head at Gwen’s blatant lie, and almost thought she’d brazen it out and Paul would let it go.

Almost. Without a sound, Paul cocked his head and held up his open right hand, then closed it so his index finger was pointing up and waggled it at her. He fixed Gwen with a stare and an evil smirk, which made her stop talking in the middle of the word. He dropped his hand in the resulting thick silence, then crossed his arms over his chest. “Seriously? I watch you two play tonsil hockey for, like, fifteen seconds and _that’s_ what you come up with?! I don’t expect Shorty to improvise very well in this kind of situation, but you, Gwen?” He shook his head. “That was just lame. I’m sorely disappointed!”, struggling now to keep a straight face.

He snorted, then managed to splutter “Congratulations my ass!” before finally convulsing in laughter at their stricken and red faces, doubling over and howling with his hands on his knees.

While he was thoroughly enjoying their plight, Ben instinctively nudged up against Gwen’s right side and wrapped his left arm protectively around her shoulders, pulling her close. They both looked embarrassed, guilty and defiant all at the same time, trying to give Paul a death glare and utterly failing at it.

He finally got a grip on himself and stopped cracking up. “Hoo!” he exhaled, followed by a deep breath. “Man!” he said, wiping at his eyes as he straightened up. “Congratulations? More like _busted_!” He had another spasm of laughter before he was able to regain control. Ben and Gwen shifted on their feet and stared at the ground but otherwise didn’t react, both blushing beet red from the shoulders up.

“And it’s about damn time!” Paul almost shouted, causing the two to jerk their heads up to look at him with surprise. “You two and your ... complicated relationship! I’ve got whiplash from watching you bounce around since the beginning of the year.” He stopped as his laid back smile came out, and shook his head a couple times as they started to grin sheepishly. “So how long has _this_ been going on?”

Ben spoke first, tentatively, knowing that the tall blond had been more or less believing this outcome was going to happen since they first became friends in January. Paul was the only person he knew who he could confide in even a little bit about _personal_ things like this. Gwen covered everything else - and maybe Grandpa for alien and Plumber kinds of stuff -but talking _to_ her about his feelings _for_ her had been too awkward and confusing and painful to even consider. Until the night under the stars before Phoenix happened, when he told her his dreams and she didn’t laugh at him or think he was sick; instead she showed him that she felt the same way. And again when the pain of being apart was so much worse than dealing with his feelings. If Grandpa didn’t take them to that place...

He rubbed the back of his head with his right hand and said “Since the end of July.”

Paul made a startled shake of his head, mumbling to himself “No shit?”Then he stared and raised his eyebrows expectantly, silently demanding more explanation. Ben continued “Grandpa took us to a park for his birthday, and, well... I did what you said, there was an opportunity and we had a little talk.”

Gwen twisted her head to face Ben with a shocked look, then a glare that could light a match and elbowed him in the ribs. “An opportunity?! A _little talk?!_ Geez, Doofus, you need to dial it back and be less _romantic!!_ ”, sarcasm dripping off every word. Ben flinched from the attack with an apologetic grin, shrugged his shoulders and hugged her a bit tighter. Despite her display of irritation, though, she stayed attached hip to hip and squeezed her right arm that had slipped around his waist.

“ _I’m_ the one who said we can hang out after practice again, Dweeb. Or don’t you remember that part?” he said, looking back at her.

Gwen’s face softened into a big smile, the memory of the rest of that time overshadowing their current circumstances as they locked eyes. “That, and a few other things!” she said softly, leaning her head down to kiss him again.

Paul watched this scene with a bemused expression. _One thing for sure, when these two decide to do something they don’t hold back!_ he thought, recalling all the drama from their birthdays to now. It was good to see them happy again, but his wildest imagination couldn’t have come up with this.

Ben had pulled her around into an entangled hug to kiss her back, Gwen’s arms wrapped around his neck and head. After another several seconds Paul cleared his throat, snapping them away from each other, regaining the deep red blushes and standing side by side again, arms at their sides. “Isn’t this where I came in?”He stared at them, not quite knowing what to say, when another piece of the puzzle slid into place.

“Hold on - you two were a thing that day we played mini-golf?” he asked, the reason for Gwen’s atypical bashfulness that day becoming clear. And the way she reacted to Ben’s anxiety attack in his car the week before that.

“Uh, yeah” “Uh huh” they replied in unison, relieved that Paul wasn’t freaking out over their new situation. At least that’s what he hoped he saw on their faces and in the way they were acting.

“Damn! And we totally crashed your date! Sheila was right. ... Sorry about that!” They both cringed when he used the ‘d’ word, and Paul had to stifle another laugh attack, even as a quick snort escaped him.

“Oh come on! That’s what it was, right?”

“Well, yeah, I guess so” Ben admitted, he and Gwen both looking a little pained, “but we ...”

“We haven’t... I mean, we don’t... “ Gwen traded glances with Ben and tried to finish what her cousin started to say, then just stopped with a pleading look. Gwen crossed her arms across her stomach, and Ben stuffed his hands into the pockets of his sweat pants.

And Paul had a flash of insight, just like the day at Ben’s house after seeing their family picture on the stairs.

“Ooohh... You aren’t public about it, huh?” His smile was replaced by as neutral an expression as he could muster. While the current situation was a riot, he knew the bigger picture was complex, to say the least.

“No.” Both answered in a low voice together. Again. _How the hell do they do that?_ Paul thought.

“It’s not that we’re, um, apologizing about this.” Ben said, quickly following with “We haven’t done anything like ... _you know_.” They both stared at the ground, and if they turned a deeper shade of red Paul was sure they’d pass out. Ben pulled his hands out of his pockets and let them drop as he looked up with an almost defiant expression, as Gwen unconsciously took his left hand in her right and also looked Paul in the eyes. “You know what our home situation is” Ben said quietly.

Paul nodded his head slowly, recalling that conversation. “Mmm-hmmn. Yeah. Yeah, I do. You remember what I said when I found out?” Ben nodded his head in return; Gwen looked at him and Paul questioningly, clearly apprehensive.

Paul gave her an encouraging smile. “I told Squirt that your family situation doesn’t affect me or anyone else as long as _you all_ have it sorted out. And that your story isn’t mine to tell. I’ll follow whatever your decision is.”

He saw the relief wash over their faces, as their hunched shoulders visibly relaxed and they grinned sheepishly at him.

“Thanks, Paul! That means a lot! We really appreciate it!” Gwen said, as Ben nodded his head. “We don’t like keeping us a secret, but...”

“Buuut you’re in an, um, _unconventional_ situation. I get it. You don’t need unwanted attention complicating things any more than they are. ... Does anyone else know?”

“Yeah, Grandpa and my friend Michelle from school. No one in our class.” Gwen said. “Or my school “, Ben added.

“Good, no one I’m likely to run into.” Paul muttered, then grinned at them. “And I know how to keep my yap shut, so don’t worry about the dojo.”

They was silence for a few moments before Ben broke it. “So now what?”

Gwen shook her head once, took her phone from a pocket and looked at the display with a sharp breath. “We need to get back. Daddy will be coming soon to get us.”

“Movie night, right? Better get going, then, don’t give him a reason to wonder where you are.” Paul picked up the bag of stuff from the music store he dropped when all this got started. “Don’t have _too_ much fun!” he said with a wink, causing Gwen and Ben to blush again as they all turned to be on their way.

Ben snorted, but smiled before walking off. “Thanks, Paul! Really.”

“For you two? Any time.” He took a step towards the parking lot, then turned back to them and called out “Hey!” and waited for them to stop and look back. “I should have said this sooner - good for you!”

As he walked to his car, Paul heard Gwen grilling her boyfr - no, that word just didn’t sound right in his mind. He chuckled to himself as he thought of their private names for each other.

“You didn’t tell me you talked to Paul about us, Doofus!”

“Yeah, well, it was after our birthday, Dweeb. A couple times, actually. Usually after something went wrong and I was afraid that I messed things up ...”

Their voices faded out as they got further away, but he remembered the times his friend was talking about. He was glad he could help - both of them, as it turned out - even if all he did, really, was pay attention and listen. Well, and give a little advice.

Dweeb and Doofus. The meanings finally made a little more sense now, in a bizarre sort of way. But only when they used them.

_It’s good to finally_ not _wonder what’s going on with those two_ , he thought with a grin as he opened the door to his car. For the time being, anyway. 

//

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music I was listening to while writing this chapter:  
> You’re My Best Friend, by Queen


	20. Nightmares and Confessions

Gwen’s bedroom

October 18, 2000

10:40 PM

Gwen swirled water around in her mouth and spit it into the sink, the last part of her bedtime routine before going back to her room. She looked at her reflection in the mirror and saw a streak of watery toothpaste on her T-shirt that somehow dribbled out while she was brushing. She wiped it away, idly smirking at the insults she could just hear Ben say to rag on her if he could see it. It’s not like he’d act any different than all the previous times they went to bed in the Rust Bucket. But their new relationship changed pretty much everything, even something this innocuous - would his snark end with noticing her accidental grossness? Or, more likely, somehow turn into an excuse to indulge in something they both used to think of as disgusting - the physical closeness that she was starting to crave. What would it be like if - _when_ \- they go on another summer trip with Grandpa?

She gave herself a small grin as she went to her room.Eighteen months ago that thought was ... inconceivable. And unlike the movie, she knew _exactly_ what that word means! But in a world where she could use real magic and the Doofus turned into aliens and they fought Terran and galactic bad guys - she had no doubt he’d put the Watch on again - being together was far from the most bizarre thing they would ever do.

There was no denying he made her happy, carrying over into the other parts of her life. Karate was great, like always, the physical antidote to her academic compulsion. She’d be testing for blue belt soon, and there was no doubt she’d earn the step up. She missed having him there, but he’d be starting back up in January from the way he was acting. School was as good as she could expect - she liked her classes and the grades were right where she wanted them, and she was involved in just the right level of extracurricular stuff. The “It Girl” status she had at the end of last year had faded as other kids got the spotlight, which suited her just fine. Even her classmates’ interest in her presence in Phoenix was long gone since she didn’t talk about it - what little she could say she’d told Michelle, and anyway there wasn’t any point in picking at that scab. Grandpa wasn’t around for any private conversations she might want to have - keeping track of his whereabouts had become impossible, again - but her Doofus was always there whenever the mostly dormant trauma reared up and threatened to overwhelm her.

Her best friend kept living up to the title; Gwen was grateful that they met, and she couldn’t imagine her life without ‘Chelle, especially for helping her sort out her situation with her cousin. It was even better now that Michelle and Ben stopped being prickly about each other, and neither one seemed to mind how she split her time between them.

And then there was Ben. Her partner, her more than best friend, her everything, really. Her Doofus! Gwen couldn’t stop the smile spreading across her face at his image in her mind - she knew what that word meant, too, even if she couldn’t completely explain it to save her life. How they went from barely tolerating each other to being the focus of each other’s lives had been a literally incredible experience, one she wouldn’t change for anything.

Still, there was something just a little off; a fuzzy thought lurking in the shadows of her mind that she paid fleeting attention to even though it seemed to be getting more demanding. As she snuggled into the sheet and blanket on her bed she thought, _Now if the damn nightmare would just leave her be..._

October 19

3:10 AM  
  


_Tears stung at her eyes as she heard the words coming from his mouth, struggling to make sense of them._

_“I’m not allowed to see you, and I’m not going to ruin your life any more. I can’t keep putting you in danger or see you get hurt. ... I can’t be that selfish.” Ben looked at her, heartbroken, tears clouding his eyes and spilling down his cheeks. His trembling voice was barely audible but she heard every terrible word, each one a knife slash to her heart._

_“Your mom is right. It doesn’t matter what I feel. You deserve so much better than me...”_

_He turned, his last word choked off in a strangled whisper, and started walking away from her._

_Why couldn’t she move?! Why couldn’t she shout at his retreating form, make him know she didn’t care what their parents thought, what anyone thought but him? Make him realize that without him she’d be lost? She managed to croak out a weak “Ben, wait!”, and for a second he hesitated and she had a spark of hope._

_He stopped to look at her over his shoulder, sorrow the only thing she could see in his dull green eyes, his mouth working soundlessly before one last sob was torn from it. He bowed his head as he turned away from her for the last time and started walking, fading into a mist._

_The best thing in her life, her everything, was gone, and she didn’t do anything to stop him, because she wasn’t brave enough to say the words that would make him stay. A taunting voice came unbidden, ‘I told you!’_

_Gwen fell to her knees, undone with grief, sobbing uncontrollably into her hands with her back hunched over._

“ _Ben, don’t leave me! Come back! ... I_ do _love you!”_

_But she knew the words were too late. He would never hear them..._

“Doofus!” The word came out in a hoarse, agonized hiss.

The dream finally let her go, and Gwen found herself curled into a ball on her knees, her face in her hands. Her heart was pounding so fast and hard she thought it would burst; that would be preferable to the emotional pit this latest version of her nightmare left her in.

She panted for air as she pushed herself up from the mattress, stopping when her arms were extended, before her uncurled back allowed her to take deep, ragged breaths. Was it real? Had their parents found out and forbidden them from seeing each other? Or was it just a ghastly dream? In her pain and confusion she didn’t know.

Waking from that ordeal with her face in her pillow muffled any noise she might have made. She was completely alone in the darkness, without even starlight from the window to light the way out of the despair the vision plunged her in. Sobs tore from her chest as she collapsed into her pillow, desperately wanting her Doofus to crawl up behind her and wrap his arms around her, to feel his warm breath on her neck while he murmured words of comfort. To let her know it was only a horrible nightmare.

Gwen rolled on her side towards the nightstand as her crying faded a little. The panic didn’t, though, she still wasn’t sure what was real. She saw a faint green glow from the power telltale onher phone, a sign that it was on - maybe that was the safety net she wanted.

She reached out for it, fumbling to open it while bringing it close, then mashed down the speed dial for his number. She let up when she heard ringing.

“Please answer...” she whispered in a watery, shaking voice as she brought it to her ear.

— X —

Ben’s bedroom

Ben’s eyes snapped open two panicked heartbeats after his phone buzzed on the nightstand, the wood furniture reverberating like a badly tuned speaker. It was a jarring sound, and seemed like the harsh roar of a motorcycle engine in the stillness of his dark room. He picked it up before there was a second buzz, sitting up while flipping it open with his thumb in a smooth, automatic motion and looked at the bold electric green numbers on the otherwise dark screen. 3:14. Why was Gwen calling at this time of night?

It took a few seconds before the most likely reason coalesced in his sleep-fuzzy brain. Another nightmare. Had to be. Or a night terror - even worse, he knew from bitter experience. They both got them, off and on since the end of the first summer trip. The awful phantasms left them dazed, often covered in a film of cold sweat, heart racing and breathing hard as if they just stopped running for their life. Oh yeah - and emotionally exhausted and scared as hell, grasping for a lifeline. It must’ve been really bad if that was it, she had never called about one before.

During the trips with Grandpa they learned how to deal with waking up in such a dreadful way. When he did, almost without fail Gwen would be at his back a few seconds later, sometimes even before he woke up, gently stroking his hair and whispering in his ear - “Ssshh, Doofus. You’re ok, I’m with you. You’ll be ok.” It didn’t really matter what she said, the sound of her voice, the feel of her hand in his hair and her breath on his ear and neck always calmed him down from whatever torment his mind inflicted on his sleep. After the first few times, she’d end up wrapping an arm around him and held him close until he stopped shaking, the feel of her steady breathing drawing him back from whatever dark abyss the dreams tried to suck him into. Regaining his composure with her at his back never took more than a few minutes, and she would quietly slip out of his bunk and go back to hers without either of them acknowledging what happened. In the morning they pretended nothing ever did, but he always had a surge of gratitude when she first looked at him when they met at the Rust Bucket’s dining booth.

When Gwen got them, he did the same for her, as best as he could. At first, the night after they got back from Xenon, he struggled with his childish hangup that getting that close to a girl was gross, instead listening to her heartrending whimpers and moans for several minutes. It was finally more than he could bear, though, so he crept into her bunk and hesitantly stroked her hair the way she did to him, as her muffled crying faded and she stopped trembling. He got better at soothing her fears - holding her against his chest and pressing his face into the crook of her neck so he could whisper to her - never sure if that was a good or bad thing. It was awful that she had the nightmares to begin with, especially since they often were because he failed to keep her out of trouble. He was always glad that he could help calm her down, though. How could that ever be gross?

None of that could work when they weren’t sleeping in Grandpa’s old RV, of course. Sometimes Ben would wake in a panic, unable to scream the words the terror put in his mind. Other times he would cry out in his sleep when the nightmares came, loud enough that his parents would be there when the horror released him and he sat bolt upright in fear, trying to sooth him down. More often than not, though, their presence really didn’t help as much as they wanted - that fact was proven again just last week with a repeat of his night time horror show. Vilgax may be gone with half the galaxy praising that fact, but his original nightmare of uselessly watching his Dweeb be swallowed up hadn’t gone away. He could never talk to his parents about that, but they felt the undertones in spite of his refusal. They always questioned what could possibly affect their tweenage son that way, whether they said it out loud or not. He appreciated their efforts to comfort him, but the experience was nerve wracking.

Gwen never talked about how she managed her nightmares at home, but he could tell when she had them. He ached when she did and he was helpless to do anything for her. At least once the pain was physical, when he took the brunt of a bad day at karate after she had a worse night.

Those thoughts flashed through his mind in the few moments it took to bring the phone from his lap up to his ear. “Gwen? What’s wrong?” He could hear her ragged breathing before she took a deep breath.

“Doofus... I ...” she stammered. Another deep breath, less shaky this time. “I’m sorry, it’s late. I shouldn’t have called...” she said, her voice trailing off.

“Dweeb! Please. You called me for a reason. What am I going to do? Ignore you?” He snorted. “Like I would! ... What’s going on?”

Ben waited for a reply, but heard a muffled sob instead. There was nothing worse in the world than hearing her make that heartbreaking sound. “You had a nightmare.” he said in a low voice. “What was it?”

“Uh huh” Gwen sniffled. “The one where you left, again.” She whispered. “I watched you walk away, and I couldn’t do anything about it. ... I just needed to hear your voice, so I’d know it wasn’t real.” She took another deep breath. “I’m being stupid...”

“Nuh uh. No. You’re not that! But the dream is. ... What do you mean, again? Do you have it a lot?”

“Yes.” she said in a miserable voice. “They started when I lost control that day in karate and punched you in the shoulder. ... You said...” Ben heard her take another shuddering breath, tearing at his heart. “You said you knew I didn’t feel for you the way you felt for me and you were going to leave me alone. Then you left and I couldn’t stop you or explain...” She stopped talking as sobs took over again. _So that’s why_ , Ben thought, getting a glimpse of her misery.

She sucked in a deep breath. “But this time you said you had to leave because your parents said you couldn’t see me, and my parents hated you, and you couldn’t be the cause of me hurting any more. ... And I wasn’t brave enough to tell you I didn’t care about any of that...”

“It’s like I’m still hearing the Poodle... it won’t stop! I _hate_ it!”

“Dweeb, listen! The Poodle only told lies, remember? I’m right here.” He paused, thinking about what to say. What he wanted to tell her was - risky. At another time it could be taken so wrong, but it was true. He hoped his Dweeb would think so, too. His turn for a deep breath.

“I wish I was there with you so I could prove it.” He held his breath for a second, then let out the rest. “Like we could before... when we were in the Rust Bucket.”

Ben heard her inhale sharply, as he held his again, afraid that she would think he was being an imbecile. Or worse.

“I ... Me too.” He barely heard her, but she said it. “This may sound bad, but I miss that. Not the nightmares!” she said in a hurry. “But when you ... helped me get over them. That was...”

Gwen stopped talking, but the quiet wasn’t bad. He knew what she meant; he’d felt it himself often enough. The silence was broken by the sounds of each other breathing - a steady, comforting presence.

After half a minute Ben spoke gently. “Yeah. I miss that too. ... I always wanted to tell you - I, uh, I appreciated what you did when I was freaking out. You always made me feel... safe.” Why is it that telling her things like this is so hard? He ducked his head even though she wouldn’t see it. “Now I’m being the stupid one.”

“Doofus! How many times do I have to tell you you aren’t stupid!” she whispered fiercely.

Her voice softened. “And I feel the same way. You know that, right?” she said, pleading. Ben could almost see that she was the same color red he felt on his face.

She cleared her throat softly. “I, um... I miss the other times, too. When we weren’t in the Rust Bucket, and we woke up together?” Her tentative tone of voice let Ben know she was ducking her head now, trying to hide in the covers, and probably turning an even deeper shade of red, if that were possible.

“Oh man! I’m really sorry about that! I didn’t mean to fall asleep with you, it was just that you were hurting so bad and I wanted to make it stop but I couldn’t and I couldn’t make Dad get it that that was my job and you asked me to stay...” The confused jumble of words tumbled out as Ben remembered when her female biology hit her like a freight train, and he ended up staying the night with her in the spare bedroom.

“Ben. BEN. DOOFUS! _Stop!_ ” She interrupted his babbling with a harsh whisper, then giggled. “You’re adorable! ... You need to listen. I’m not _upset_ about that. I said I _miss_ it! You did make me feel better. Just like the other times...” her voice trailed off.

“Huh?”

“That wasn’t the only time we slept in the same bed. After the funeral? Remember?

“I remember waking up in your bed, but you weren’t there.”

“Because I got up first! ... What? Did you think I slept on the floor?” Gwen laughed softly again. “I woke up facing you, and you were kind of snoring. You looked so... peaceful. After our fight, and the drive home, and ... when we got to Kenny’s room... we were both so tired, I was happy that you were sleeping like that. ... Then I realized we were in my bed and I freaked out and got in the bathroom before you woke up. But I remember what it was like before I did.” He heard her swallow. “It wasn’t bad.” she said in a quiet but steady voice.

Ben heard her take in another deep breath. “Are you OK now, Dweeb? You still sound a little, um, shook up.” He remembered that day, the whole week in fact - the way their prank war kept escalating until he convinced himself he really did hate her as much as she seemed to hate him, leading to that awful fight. Only to have that misconception shattered by the news from Grandpa about his aunt’s miscarriage, watching uselessly as Gwen struggled to grasp the tragedy on top of the shock of hearing she was almost a big sister. So many times during the day and a half drive home he felt an almost irresistible urge to crawl next to her and try to take away her hurt with a hug, a word, _something_. But it was so much worse than a nightmare; he had no idea what he could say or do that could help, so he kept his distance throughout the drive and the tragic events of the next day. Until he found her alone in Kenny’s room staring at the crib her brother would never sleep in, before collapsing into his arms.

That was the first time they both cried since they were little, and the first time that he swore to himself he’d do _anything_ to take away the pain she was feeling. And felt grateful when she did it for him the next day when they found out Grandpa left in the middle of the night without a word.

They never talked about it until just now. Her nightmare must have really spooked her; Gwen tended to be chatty when she was upset, but being this emotional was so unlike her. If she kept this up, she’d be really embarrassed in the morning. A year ago he would have drawn it out so he could make her life miserable teasing her, but that was just pointlessly mean now. Then again, she never would have talked to him this way back then.

“Yeah, I’m better.” She paused before deciding to go on. “I, um, I’ve wanted to tell you this but I kept waiting for the right time.” Gwen let out a brittle laugh, “I just never thought that would be the middle of the night after a bad dream, over the phone. You must think I’m an idiot...”

He snorted softly. “Not unless you think I am too, and you just said you don’t.”

“Uh huh. ... I want you to know ... On New Year’s Eve, when we went to sleep? ... I was glad you didn’t stay in the sleeping bag.”Ben heard her take a fortifying breath and hold it, then slowly exhale before talking again.

“It felt weird when you first got in bed - you didn’t say _anything_ , let alone about that kiss. I didn’t know _what_ you were thinking. I was so confused!” she said in a barely audible whisper, as if someone might be listening.

“Yeah, well... I thought you knew what was going on. I was kinda out of it after our dads came in, I was afraid you’d freak and tell them that I was such a sick dirtbag. You didn’t know that?” Ben matched her whisper with his.

Gwen was silent for a few heartbeats. “How- how would I have known that? I can do magic, not read minds. And you were so squirrelly after Christmas break started, I couldn’t figure out _what_ your deal was.” Ben was a little shocked at her revelation, he really had just assumed she knew what that kiss meant.

“You didn’t even make a lame joke about almost getting caught with the champagne! ... Anyway, after you - well, we - settled down it wasn’t weird any more. It was, um, OK... better than OK, really. ... And no, I didn’t think you were a sick dirtbag! I didn’t know _what_ to think, but it was never that.”

“I woke up a few hours after we fell asleep because you were snoring so hard - you were louder than Grandpa on a bad night! And you were cuddled up against my back and holding me. ... Did you remember any of that?”

“I remember you saying something about me snoring, but...” Ben said slowly before she interrupted.

“Ben, please ... Let me finish before I chicken out... “ she pleaded. He could almost see her close her eyes and gather her courage before continuing. “When I felt you snuggled around me like that, I almost did freak! But you were sleeping so I knew you didn’t plan to end up that way, and we weren’t doing anything... _you know_... Your arm was around me and you made me feel so... warm, and safe, and happy...”

“So I just went back to sleep, listening to you breathe. ... I liked that feeling...” Gwen stopped talking, waiting for him to reply.Ben stayed silent, not knowing how to respond. Without knowing it, this was stuff he wanted to hear, but now that he did... “Doofus? Say something?” He heard the fear creep back into her voice, and it almost undid him - she needed to hear it, too.

“I knew we were like that, but not when you were talking about.” he said just above a whisper, feeling his cheeks heating up. He was glad for the phone - he could never say stuff like this to her before, and they wouldn’t have even started if they were face to face.But he needed to say it out loud now, even if only in a whisper, for his benefit as much as hers - Gwen would hear it as clearly as if he were shouting. And he would listen to whatever she wanted to tell him without being a jerk, because that’s what she needed from him.

“I woke up, though, all wrapped up with you like you said, and I almost lost it, too. But you didn’t push me away before, and I figured if you were ok then I should be too.” He stopped to take a deep breath, then let it out slowly.

“And I didn’t _want_ to let you go. I...”His voice broke and he felt a lump in his throat. “I liked feeling you that close, too. And that it wasn’t because there was a disaster we were in the middle of, or we just barely escaped from some bad guy fight, or...”

“Or one of us just had a bad dream?” Gwen whispered, her voice falling.

“Well, yeah, but not like you’re thinking. I know you’ll always be there when I have one. You know you can call me whenever you do, right? Any time. ... But that night, we were like - that - just because. And it felt right, you know?” Ben instinctively put his free hand to the back of his neck.

“Geez, I can’t believe I’m getting mushy like this! You must think I’m the biggest wuss...” Really, what was he thinking?! This isn’t what heroes do.

“Yeah, Doofus, that’s _exactly_ what I think!” Gwen snarked back quietly, “because telling your girlfriend you like being with her just because is _so_ unmanly!” She giggled softly. “It’s one of the sweetest things you’ve ever said to me!” she said shyly. Ben smiled to himself when she said it because there wasn’t even a hint of the fear he heard a few minutes ago.

“Yeah, well...” A thousand smartass comebacks swirled in his mind, trying to break free from his mouth, but as easy as they would be to use he didn’t want to say any of them. Not right now, when they were unguarded. So he said what he was feeling.

“Good.”

They were both silent again except for the sound of their breathing, another reassuring quiet. Gwen’s started slowing down and getting deeper. Ben looked at his clock. “Soooo” he said, “are you feeling better?”

“Y- Yes. ... I’d be better if you were here. But I’m OK now. ... Thanks to you!” Gwen said gently.

“Listen, we can keep the connection going while we go back to sleep, if you want. Graymatter set it up to automatically disconnect if we don’t talk for ten minutes. ... You can hang up if I start to snore.” He said the last bit with more of his usual attitude.

“I’d like that.” she said in a sleepy whisper. Ben heard the soft sound of a yawn, followed by her sheets rustling as she settled back into her bed. “I... G’ night, Doof’s.”

He laid back down and gathered his sheet and blanket around his neck. “Sleep good, Dweeb.”

He heard Gwen mumble something drowsily, that he thought started with ‘I’, but he wasn’t sure he heard it right.

Did she say what it sounded like?

He set the phone on his bed and sank back into his pillow, staring at the ceiling and listening to the faint noises of his Dweeb falling asleep.

She did it again! Freaking out and him going right along with her, talking about _cuddling_ and _feelings_ , of all things! Only this time he wasn’t the hot mess he was the night he realized Gwen was his best friend. He was as confused now as he was that night, but in a different way - what the hell got into him, both of them, really, ‘fessing up in the dark to things they would never say in normal circumstances? His turbulent thoughts and feelings were easier to handle this time, though, because he also had that warm feeling he got after she tackled him at the lake, and again after she helped him shake off the panic he felt in Paul’s car a few weeks ago.

Is this what lo- _that word_ , the one his parents told each other that made him pretend to gag - meant, that made what he felt now more than what you feel for a friend? Even a best friend? More than hanging out and having fun together, more than helping each other, more than feeling bad when she did? Wanting to be physically close because sometimes her touch meant more than words did?

That thought made him shudder. He liked Jamie and the other guys he played Sumo with most of the time, but if anybody besides his Dweeb was his best friend it would have to be Paul. Even so, he definitely didn’t want to be up close and personal with them, though. And it didn’t bother him that she thought of Michelle as her best friend. This was different, _better_ , even if he couldn’t say why.

All he knew was he couldn’t imagine feeling this way about anyone else and he didn’t _want_ to, and he knew she felt that way about him. He felt it now in the middle of the night over the phone just as much as he did when they were having fun hanging out together during the day. Or after one took away the other’s fear after a bad dream.

A shiver went down his back as he latched on to the thought dancing around his mind and faced it head-on. Ben took a deep breath and let it out slowly as a timid smile spread over his face.

_I love you, too, Dweeb_ , he thought, the craziness in his head fading as his breathing matched hers before he dropped of to sleep.

/


End file.
